quotes

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I started a project of reading my MANY old journals. I’ve read 1 journal so far. Hmmm…

Here are some quotes I wrote in my journal in 2001:

Cultivate peace at home. Home is that magic circle in which the weary spirit finds rest. It has an influence that binds us with a spell that neither time nor change can break. Peace at home breeds a successful and happy life.

- Tracey McBride in Frugal Luxuries

The next quote is a quote that I dreamed. I think I made it up. In my dream I knew the answer. The first answer was “cosine.” The second answer was: “It is those barred most strongly from the way who knock most loudly at the gate.”

…even the wrong turns and side roads have meaning and purpose, if only to teach us which way the path to oneself does not lie.

- Gabor Mate in Scattered

This is interesting. So far, the quotes all fit in with a journey. The wanderer starts out at home, then is barred from the way and knocks loudly at the gate, takes some wrong turns and side roads and thus learns something. Let’s see if the rest of the quotes go with this theme. That would be too cool.

We must not cease from exploration and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we began and to know the place for the first time.

-T.S. Elliot

Dig it! This kinds of brings the whole thing back around to home. These are the only quotes in this journal of many moons and this is the order they are in. Very cool. This last quote is also very appropriate for my current project of reading old journals. I’m exploring, hoping to arrive, and know myself more fully than I did before.

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It’s graduation time… I’ll be posting a few odes to graduations in the next few days. Here’s one that made me teary right when it started (which is semi-inexplicable.)

The Fringe Benefits of Failure, and the Importance of Imagination

Harvard University Commencement Address
J.K. Rowling

Part 1

Part 2

Quotes

Failure: “…rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.”

Imagination: “In its arguably most transformative and revelatory capacity, it is the power that enables us to empathise with humans whose experiences we have never shared.”

Wow, you rock the Casbah, J.K., (even though I’m not that into HP)

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I went to an art class yesterday and a woman used lyrics from a Leonard Cohen song in her collage. Today, I went to church and the minister read lyrics from the same song in his reading! Now, I’ve gotta hear this song! Here are some of the lyrics. You can see the rest of the lyrics here.

The birds they sang
at the break of day
Start again
I heard them say
Don’t dwell on what
has passed away
or what is yet to be…

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.

This would be a pretty quote to illustrate.

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I just read a really interesting book called Awaken Your Strongest Self by Neil Fiore. It’s a little strange on first glance but I bought it based on the amazingness of his last book The Now Habit which is a highly lauded book about how to overcome procrastination. I read it before my last semester of grad school and the method he suggested really worked for me

In his new book, he talks about how the different parts of our brain can work together in harmony. There are a few ideas in his book that I’d tweak and some additional information I think would be useful to add that I might talk about in another post. He suggests a lot of homework that I haven’t done yet, so I can’t speak to the effectiveness of this program. I have hung a lot of the affirmations he suggests up in my house and I’m beginning to see the value and wisdom of them.

In his book, he says that, among other parts, we have the emotional legacy of our baby self who had limitless possibilities and was all powerful. About typical affirmations that say that anything is possible he says, do you really want your two year old self running the show? Hmmm… Read below to see they type of statements he suggests you tell yourself.

AWAKEN YOUR STRONGEST SELF: Speaking from Your Higher Brain*
Neil Fiore, PhD

When you, from the perspective and roles of your Strongest Self, speak these compassionate statements to the frightened and overwhelmed parts of you, you can:

  • Create inner peace by connecting your identity to something stronger and wiser than your ego
  • Transition to a new, robust self-image
  • Access support and strength to cope with changing situations and relationships
  • Reduce the stress and anxiety of struggling alone, separated from your True Self
  • Empower yourself with the protective role, higher perspective, and compassionate voice of your Strongest Self

The following inner dialogue is more powerful than typical affirmations because you are speaking to a part of you that is separated from your larger support system and, therefore, is easily overwhelmed and stressed. You are empowered to protect and guide the parts that have limited––and out-dated––ways of coping with life. You, from your new perspective, can shift to an expanded identity that empowers you to protect your body and smaller “selves” and guide them toward inner peace.

In the compassion voice of your Strongest Self, you replace stress with safety and
connection by saying:

  • Regardless of what happens in life, your worth is always safe with me.
  • Regardless of what you can or cannot do, you are always worthwhile.
  • Regardless of whether you win or lose, you deserve love, pleasure, and freedom from self-criticism.
  • Regardless of what happens to you, you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. I will always respect my life and my body.
  • Regardless of who stays or who goes, I am on my side. I will never abandon you. [My tweak: "... I will always stay with you."]
  • Regardless of how healthy or ill you become, I appreciate the effort, wisdom, and protection given me by you, my body and my spirit.
  • Regardless of how negative or intense your emotions, I acknowledge their validity for you, and I accept them completely. I am strong enough to be with your emotions. [My tweak: "Regardless of how positive, negative, intense or mild..."]
  • Regardless of how uncomfortable others are with you, your feelings or your body, I will always accept you and remain at peace with you. [My tweak: "Regardless of how comfortable..."]
  • Regardless of what happens in life, and regardless of your problems, I accept you and love you completely.
  • Regardless of the health or weakness of my body, I can always heal my spirit.

*Adapted from Awaken Your Strongest Self [McGraw-Hill, 2006] and
Coping with the Emotional Impact of Cancer (BayTree, 2008)

© Neil Fiore, Ph.D., 1998-2007 All rights reserved. Permission is granted to reproduce, copy, or
distribute so long as this copyright notice and the full contact information listed below attached.
Neil Fiore, PhD, 1496 Solano Ave., Albany, CA 94706 voice: 510/ 525-2673
www.neilfiore.com www.yourstrongestself.com E-mail: neil@neilfiore.com

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An uplifting story about female genital mutilation, who would believe it?

I really don’t like to watch depressing movies, even for a good cause. But Ebert promised that it was uplifting. But here, read his words that convinced even me:

Moolaade” is the kind of film that can only be made by a director whose heart is in harmony with his mind. It is a film of politics and anger, and also a film of beauty, humor, and a deep affection for human nature. Usually films about controversial issues are tilted too far toward rage or tear-jerking. Ousmane Sembene, who made this film when he was 81, must have lived enough, suffered enough and laughed enough to find the wisdom of age.

It has it’s sad moments, but I liked it. I think you can watch it without fear. Do it for your girls; all the women and girls you love. Do it in affirmation of women’s right to pleasure. Do it in honor of courageous souls and to honor and increase your own soul’s courage.

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I stumbled across what I fear may be an anti-feminist blog. I went ahead and posted a comment anyhow because this particular post didn’t offend me. Hopefully I have not added energy to the dark side. (imagine “dark side” said into a fan for the right effect.)

Here are my edited comments about Research on Female Preferences in Men over at, (yipes!) Feminist Critics:

My experiences:
Whenever I’ve heard a guy say, “Women say they want nice guys, but they don’t really.” or something like that, and the guy saying that is implying that he is nice, but women don’t like him, he never actually is nice. I’ve never heard an actual nice guy say that. I wonder what the men who say that think of as “nice.”

(Maybe they mean superficially polite, begrudgingly following the cultural rules and miffed that she still won’t sleep with him? I don’t know, this is pure conjecture.)

Personally, I do like manly men. (If we are defining “manly” as “probably having a lot of testosterone.”) I once heard a show about the effects of testosterone on mens voices: makes them kind of gruff and deep, and noted that my three favorite boyfriends had voices like that. All of my boyfriends have been athletic, but I don’t think they were all especially “manly.”  Two of my “manly” boyfriends were also popular and confident, which I liked. I don’t know if that has anything to do with testoterone…

So, although I do like manly men, I also like and have dated just regular men. Therefore, the differentiating factor for me is not “manliness.”  I look for niceness, (ie: grounded, at least somewhat emotionally intelligent, kind even to people who won’t benefit him), physical attraction (which I guess must be chemical and has been quite varied for me) and of course, shared humor, interests, values, etc..

What about YOU gentle reader? What do you like?

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I get the National Geographic news feed everyday, and this headline just blew away my fantasy of going to some clean, remote place to avoid toxic chemicals.

Pollution Prevalent in U.S. West’s National Parks

“Contaminants are everywhere. You can’t get more remote than these northern parts of Alaska and the high Rockies,” said Michael Kent, a fish researcher with Oregon State University who co-authored the study.

The substances detected ranged from mercury produced by power plants and industrial chemicals such as PCBs to the banned insecticides dieldrin and DDT. Those can cause health problems in humans including nervous system damage, dampened immune system responses, and lowered reproductive success.

Also, mercury levels at the eight parks and DDT levels at Glacier and Sequoia and Kings Canyon exceeded health thresholds for fish-eating wildlife. Kent said he found airborne contaminants are causing male fish to develop female organs in some parks.

Contrary to the conventional wisdom that remoteness means less pollution, Landers said many of the parks—particularly those at higher elevations and in colder climates—actually are at higher risk.

Sheesh, no wonder so many people are having fertility problems.

I guess this means that to live somewhere clean and healthy, we need to make the whole world clean and healthy. Please do your part and buy or grow local organic food. Also, if you are in charge of which power company you use, please switch to a company which uses more solar and wind power for energy.

You can check out how clean your energy provider is and find alternative energy providers in your area at the EPA’s Clean Energy site:

http://oaspub.epa.gov/powpro/ept_pack.utility 

Please leave a comment if you recommend any energy companies.

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My mommy is magical

She says,

I’ve just come to a new opinion on Capital Punishment - I am now formally against it.   What did that - well, we saw a Miss Marple mystery on tv…

Read what else she has written about becoming enlightened over at her blog Yak’s Place.

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This is a good quote for us for Valentine’s Day:

Let’s all try to look at ourselves with the kindest of eyes today. When we see the best in people, they unfold before us in the most magical ways.

Tags: , ,

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What do I wish for you, my internet Valentines?

I wish you happiness, with all my heart. I wish you a world where you can be safe. I wish you pleasure.

I wish you’d watch this video of Eve Ensler. She’s talking about her journey since she started writing about vaginas. She’s talking about what that journey taught her about happiness. It’s really worth watching.

I want to remember from that talk:

Happiness exists in:

  1. action
  2. telling the truth
  3. giving away what we want the most.

“Seeing what’s in front of us is the antidote to depression and to the feeling that one is worthless and has no value.” - Eve Ensler

“When we give, in the world, what we want the most, we heal the broken part inside each of us.” -Eve Ensler

Please find a way to keep your pleasure alive.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Love,
B.

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My mom is upset about the costly dental work I just had done that not only did not accomplish the objective of improving my bite, but left my previously pain free mouth with three tender teeth. I just figured I would cut my losses and move to Canada or France, but she thinks I should confront my dentist.

Here is her (slightly tongue in cheek at the end) letter she suggests I send:

Dr. Pat Patruchia xxxx
I came to you on xxx-xx-xx date and explained clearly that I needed my bite repaired. You should have explained to me that this was not your specialty and referred me to a bite specialist. But you didn’t; you told me that you could do this.

After spending 6 hours and $3000. in your office, not only is my bite problem not fixed but 2 other crowned teeth in my mouth that were previously fine are sensitive and often experiencing pain.

All I am asking is that you refund the $3000. I do not want to sue you but if I have to, I will. If I must pursue legal action it will be for more than this – it will also include the cost of repairing the other crowns, it will include my time, and it will include the cost of emotional damage to me, my mother, and my children and grandchildren down to the fourth generation.

Please respond within one week or I’ll be seeing you in court.

She has also consulted her dentist who thinks I did not get good treatment. (Yes, I got a recommendation to go to this dentist, but who really knows with dentists!)

My mom hopes I’m not mad at her for obsessing about my teeth. I’m not mad. She tells me that my great-grandma obsessed about my grandma’s teeth, who got unsuccessful caps on her previously beautiful front teeth, my grandma obsessed about my mom’s teeth- making her display her teeth as she told strangers how well her overbite had been fixed, and now my mom is obsessing about my teeth. I’m not mad, I’m glad she cares.

Teeth are so personal. They are so omnipresent in our consciousness when they are uncomfortable. The ironic thing is that I was blessed with really great teeth! They were white, they were cavity free, they were straight enough, but a series of small mistakes by dentists along the way has led to a situation like a bad hair cut where the hairdresser keeps cutting a little more off to even up the now way too short bangs, (or “fringe” for all my British readers (I like to pretend I have British readers).)

So pretty front teeth (I don’t want you to picture me all scraggly toothed) that don’t quite touch in the back, which is rather aggravating, especially after just spending $3000. Let us pray to the tooth fairy for pain free teeth that can chew, and a husband with Canadian citizenship.

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In Defense of Food

My food resolution this year is simple: eat food. What else would I eat, you ask? Well, according to Michael Pollan in his book In Defense of Food, there is now a lot of edible non-food available in the grocery store.

He writes about the history of food in America and how the idea of what we should eat has been taken over by well intentioned scientists and self-interested industry. We now have a near mono-culture of soybeans and corn. He talks about all the concessions that the USDA has made in their labeling and reccomendations because of industry pressure. I think I just found a consession he didn’t mention.

My friend Laura over at Starling Fitness lists the oils that the USDA reccomends which include soybean oil and corn oil. Those are our surplus crops, but I highly doubt we need ever more of those products in our body. Very interesting… I wonder if someone out there on the internet has already unravled this mystery.

I couldn’t find the spot on where the USDA recommends these oils. I did find a page where they are listed. They use vague language about the oils, so maybe they are trying to avoid industry wrath without lying.

Oils come from many different plants and from fish. Some common oils are:

  • canola oil
  • corn oil
  • cottonseed oil
  • olive oil
  • safflower oil
  • soybean oil
  • sunflower oil

I highly recommend In Defense of Food.  You can listen to Michael Pollan’s six minutes of advice about nutrition and read an excerpt from his book on NPR, and listen to the more interesting and longer interview he did about the content of his book The Omnivore’s Dilemma.

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Last week I went for some bookstore therapy with a gift card in my wallet. I got some great books including “Finding Flow” by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (pronounced Chik-SENT-me-high-ee.) I find it to be a very encouraging book and it’s motivated me to get off my butookus and get some exercise the last few days. ChiksSENTmehighee also reassured me this morning as I woke up to my first newly unemployed Monday. He said that jobs are unsatisfying for three main reasons:

  1. They are meaningless or worse yet, they put energy towards negative ends.
  2. They are boring and tedious.
  3. They are stressful, often as a result of negative interactions with peers and co-workers. 

My job was mildly positively meaningful, very boring and tedious, and I had good relationships with my co-workers and my boss.  I did what ChikSentmehighee recommends in the face of a boring job. I studied each step intensively. I made the process hugely more efficient which eventually halved the hours my job took. My old boss was very appreciative of all my extra energy and initiative and rewarded me with interesting projects to fill up my newly freed hours, and flexibility on the job, including letting me work flexible hours. I worked near the people I was serving, so I was also appreciated by the people I was near. My job was still only mildly meaningful and still somewhat dull, but I put energy into it and was appreciated. When my boss quit a few months ago. I was moved to a new department. My new boss didn’t seem to appreciate the high quality work I did and the extra energy I put into my work, but she was quite peeved when I didn’t “follow her directives” which included checking in with her before I left my office (???) and other ridiculous rules that didn’t have anything to do with how well I could do my job.  She rewarded my efficiency with more dull and boring work to fill up the hours. Just what I always wanted! And also rewarded my self-motivating and self-starting work ethic with closer supervision and more rules.  I was also in a separate building from my main “customers” so I didn’t work near people who knew that I worked from home a couple hours on my day off to make their lives easier. After trying to work out better working conditions for myself, and getting no helpfulness from my boss, I gave a heap load of notice, and quit without a new job already in place. People say I’m brave. I read about the possible reccesion over the weekend and thought that I may be very foolish. ChickSENTmehighee thinks I  made a good choice though. He says,

“Perhaps the only choice is to quit as quickly as possible even in the face of severe financial hardship. In terms of the bottom line of one’s life, it is always better to do something that one feels good about than something that may make us materially comfortable but emotionally miserable.” 

Sometimes it helps to see it in print.Wishing you a great day with an emotionally healthy bottom line! I’m off to have an unemployed adventure!

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Don’t pay so much attention to obstacles that you can’t see your goal.

-Phylicia Rashad

It’s the traditional time of year for goals and I seem to be in synch with the universe. I’m thinking about my future. Every day, ok, every hour, I think of something new I want to do. Watching the caucus results makes me want to go into politics.  It’s so exciting! (I must be a true grown up now because I find politics interesting and I talk about my health.)

Then I watched Phylicia Rashad on the Tavis Smiley show and was inspired by her story to think that maybe I want to move to Mexico City. I have a good friend from Mexico City, maybe I could go with her!

Whatever I do, whatever you are doing, I think Phylicia Rashad’s advice is good. I love that woman. Good luck to you in the new year. Set your sights on what you really want, study, and don’t pay too much attention to the obstacles.

With love,

B.

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Well, Day 1 and Day 2 slipped by without much fan fare and now I am HOME! No more office job til January! :) It’s raining and I have a cold, but I am drunk with the freedom of the day! :) I’m going to go see Juno, which Ebert says is good and looked great when I saw the previews. Yay!

In the last few days, something about honesty, something about not fooling each other, and the line, “lest the parade of our mutual life get lost in the dark.” from this poem by William Stafford have been popping into my head: 

If you don’t know the kind of person I am
and I don’t know the kind of person you are
a pattern that others made may prevail in the world
and following the wrong god home we may miss our star.

For there is many a small betrayal in the mind,
a shrug that lets the fragile sequence break
sending with shouts the horrible errors of childhood
storming out to play through the broken dyke.

And as elephants parade holding each elephant’s tail,
but if one wanders the circus won’t find the park,
I call it cruel and maybe the root of all cruelty
to know what occurs but not recognize the fact.

And so I appeal to a voice, to something shadowy,
a remote important region in all who talk:
though we could fool each other, we should consider—
lest the parade of our mutual life get lost in the dark.

For it is important that awake people be awake,
or a breaking line may discourage them back to sleep;
the signals we give—yes or no, or maybe—
should be clear: the darkness around us is deep.

There is someone in my life who I feel like telling: Just come out with it! “the signals we give–yes or no, or maybe– should be clear.”

Where do you need to communicate more clearly in your life? I want to communicate more clearly. There is also the truth that “Freedom is the right not to have to lie.” (Camus) And I don’t expect anyone to tell the truth when it would be too damaging to them in some way. So, I also aknowlege my own part as a truth receiver and want to give people enough freedom that they can dare to tell me the truth.

I think that has been a big issue for me in relationships and maybe it would help if I let go of expectations and prepare myself to accept whatever they tell me. Ach lieben! I also want to be independent enough that I can dare to tell the truth. 

Writing about truth telling reminds me how grateful I am that when I had an existential crisis this summer, no one I talked to shrugged. No one gave me pat answers.  The people I talked to were honest and exquisitely real with me.  I am deeply grateful for that.

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14 more days to go until the Christmas holiday. Since I have worked several hours from home during the past few weeks without getting paid for it, I am giving myself guilt free time to do my own stuff today. (OK, maybe I feel a little guilt.)

Yesterday I had a dentist appointment. I need nearly $5000 worth of work done. Dang, it takes a lot of energy (in the form of money) to care for one little being’s teeth.  They are being super helpful and scheduling me in for all my work while I still have insurance.

Which leads me to the answer to Laura’s question: no- I do not have a job lined up. It just got to the point that the risk of remaining in the bud was too odious to my soul.  It remains to be seen if I will blossom. (Ack! I’m getting nervous about the leap I’m taking.)

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Theresa Dinito writes about the dread of feeling masculine:

Masculine? Masculine. Ah, there’s the rub. The real double bind: feeling masculine.

The feelings I have when I feel masculine do not fit in with the definition of masculine. I do not feel like a man or a boy. What I feel when I’m feeling masculine is unfeminine, in the artificial sense of the word. The meanings and associations that have come to form around the word, feminine, have nothing at all to do with the actual living, human female being who does indeed grow hair, bleed and heaven help us, now and then doth posses and odor less than floral in bouquet.

The artificial female-the one that is held up for women in our society to emulate, smells flowery (always), is very thin, polite, dainty, delicate, pure, clean and hair free in all the required hair free places. Any deviation from one or more of the above requirements tips the scale over into the realm of unfeminine. Many deviations lead us down that dreaded road toward, masculinity…

It is a scale. Have you ever noticed that very petite women can be “firecrackers.” It’s like, they are petite enough that they can also be loud and opinionated and be seen as “feisty” instead of “bitchy” and still be a “feminine” “firecracker” rather than “emasculating.” (The qualities that men label “emasculating” say a lot about what men’s inner masculinity/femininity scales are like and what qualities they need to compare themselves to to feel masculine.)

I am tall, strong, hairy, and don’t wear make-up. I also have an hour glass shape which, combined with my long hair, tipped my scale safely towards feminine. Then my feet started hurting, so I started wearing clunky supportive shoes. Then I cut my hair.

The shoes and the short hair seem to have tipped my inner scale and it is teetering towards “masculine.” I don’t like this, in case you were wondering.

The teetering scale is probably why the size and gender of the people I’m around can tip it one way or the other. This is lame. I need, to totally mix my metaphors, to re-set my feminine set point so that it includes more of who I am, or to just not care. I want to feel comfortable in my skin again no matter who I’m around.

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At my church I am officially a “young adult.” I don’t really like that title as I’m in my 30’s! I think I’m just a plain old adult. So, I look to the internet to back me up, and it does.

http://www.answers.com/main/ntquery;jsessionid=1eqmn3jtxeqvn?method=4&dsid=2222&dekey=Young+adult&gwp=8&curtab=2222_1&sbid=lc04b&linktext=Young%20adult

young adult

A young adult is someone in the transition from a teenager to an adult. It is usually informally considered to encompass the period from age 16 to age 25, although the exact period varies between societies and time periods.

In many societies, young adults encounter a number of issues as they begin to hold full-time jobs and take on other responsibilities of adulthood. Young adult literature is a literary genre of books written for this age group.


a·dult ( ?-d?lt, ?d?lt) pronunciation
n.

  1. One who has attained maturity or legal age.
  2. Biology. A fully grown, mature organism.

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…consider that all those calculations of what is “in my interest” and what will benefit me and what I can “afford” grow tiresome. When we live rightly, decision by decision, the heart sings even when the rational mind disagrees and the ego protests. Besides, human wisdom is limited. Despite our machinations, we are ultimately unsuccessful at avoiding pain, loss and death. For animals, plants, and humans alike, there is more to life than not dying.

- Charles Eisenstein

This is the tail end of an article about the ethics of eating meat. He argues that it’s ethical because we are all going to die and the real question is how the animal was treated while it was alive. I admire vegetarians and feel like a hyporite when I meat, because I sure as hell don’t want someone to eat me! But, I still eat meat. I just haven’t managed to find a way to feel healthy and energetic without it. I eat meat less often than I used to and I’m down to birds and seafood. i think every little bit helps.

This article promted me to decide to take another step. I will work towards only eating farm raised or hunted creatures rather than factory raised creatures. I already only eat farm raised free range eggs and highly encourage you to do so as well. (More ethical and all you have to give up is a few more cents.) I do encourage you to buy your eggs from a local farmer if you have the chance as the label “free range” in the grocery store has a variety of meanings.

The article can be found here.

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I just saw the below post saved in my drafts. Last year I wrote:

I go to a UU church and I’m so proud of it.

I wish that was still true.

Sermon Links: signposts of spiritual maturity

I’m looking for signposts of spiritual maturity so that I can advertise for them in my online personals ad. Right now I have just stated that I want someone spiritually mature, but that could mean very different things to different people so I want to be more specific.

I know the qualities when I come across them, but I have a hard time putting them into words. So, I’m looking for some help.

I go to a UU church and I’m so proud of it. Here’s a UU sermon that is specifically about how to be a mature UU participant in a congregation.

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I’m starting to think about politics. It’s a sore spot after Kerry’s loss in the last election and the complete ineptitude of the current administration.
I just read The Clinton Surprise, an article defending Hillary Clinton’s “electability.” I haven’t researched the candidates that much, but I like Clinton because I have a feeling that she is competent. Here is one of the comments about the article:

I would add only one thing. It seems to me voters are looking for something that transcends any discussion of gender. More than anything, we desire competence in our next president.

Elite media insiders like Tucker Carlson tried to foist a shallow, Beltway-approved “story-line” about Hillary Clinton upon the American public. Instead, Clinton’s obvious competence trumped the story line, and the talking heads are spluttering. The American public is pleasantly surprised to see a candidate who is well-versed on all policy issues. Furthermore, people can see she is a quick thinker on her feet. The debates validated that point. She knows her stuff and she has great problem-solving skills. What’s not to like?

Hillary is the girl who no one likes that much, but everyone wants on their research team because they know she will do most of the work and bring in an A grade for the entire team. Unlike the 2000 election, no one needs to have a beer with the next president. Voters simply want a person who can do a good job running the country.

— Posted by Dave Baldwin

I don’t know if Hillary is the most competent, but after the bungled policy these last 8 years, competence is definitely the clincher for me, and I do think she is smart and I think her husband is smart.

On the other hand, from the little I know about Clinton, I already know I don’t agree with all of her policies. I like free trade and think that the market is going to be global and many kinds of jobs are going to be out sourced unless we try and stop it, and I don’t think we should try and stop it. I think we should deal with it. It is going to raise the quality of life in other countries and more open trade can be good for us if we have a system where it is safe to be a problem solver- a lucrative skill that can’t always be outsourced. So, I disagree with protectionism, which I think she promotes. I think that our job market will be most robust when it is safe for people to be innovative. One thing that will make it safe is if there is health care for everyone. Then you can more safely leave your job and actually contribute in a meaningful way that can’t be outsourced. So, I agree with a good health care plan, which I hear she is for. :)

What about you?

What is most important to you?

Do you know yet who you think has the traits/skills/experience that are most important to you?

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I love fall. I especially love October. Bye October!

My friend forwarded me a chain email titled:

TOP TEN REASONS TRICK-OR-TREATING IS BETTER THAN SEX.

My other friend waited until last night and sent this:

I just went trick–or-treating with my nieces and I think SEX is BETTER!

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Last year I almost stopped going to church because I felt so harassed by someone. I finally had to learn to tell him that he couldn’t hang out with me. I wrote about a lunch I had with him last year:

I had an awkward “young adult” lunch last week after church. See, there are the old young adults who no longer eat with the official young adult group. Then there is the official young adult group whose numbers are dwindling, because there are a couple (one in particular for me) obnoxious people who others don’t want to eat with.

It’s like an inverted circle of belonging with people in the middle of the group being rejected by the people forced to the edges. Because we won’t out and out kick someone out of the group, we kick ourselves out. It’s very curious. I’ve opted to take myself out of the lunch situation altogether on most Sundays (one of the “forced to the edges folks”), or just go with a couple friends. The unofficial groups are getting bigger than the official group. (This is leading to publicity interventions that don’t work as they are missing the point of the problem: fodder for a post on performance intervention.)

Churches are usually safe places for people to be included. I know that I felt safer at church when I was a kid knowing that the rules didn’t allow out and out exclusion. I feel safer at church now for some of the same reasons, now that I think about it. Because of this inclusion, people who will not be included anywhere else often end up at a church. It’s a situation I’ve experienced at every church I’ve attended. One friend calls it the “broken winged bird” syndrome. But, we are all broken winged birds at some time. You don’t have to be cool at church. (Ahh, what a relief.) In fact, you don’t even have to have social skills. (Ahh… What a headache.)

The particular lunch last Sunday was kind of funny if looked at as a scene in a movie. One of the new older young adults (try to keep this all straight) came up to me after church and whispered “I’m co-opting you. Come to lunch with us.” The way he said it was so cute that I said I would go. As we walked out, the obnoxious guy’s girlfriend (the guy I stopped going to lunches to avoid) asked where we were going for lunch and the new older guy told her! He didn’t realize that the older young adult people purposefully excludes these people. I just shook my head. When we arrived at the restaurant, the whole young adult crew had arrived before us and were sitting with the old young adults who were clearly angry. “I thought you were going to [this other restaurant]” One of the women said to me. I know she assumed I told all the young adults because I used to be the leader. Sigh.

The table was split down the middle and we might as well have been at different restaurants for all the interaction that occurred between the two groups. Ironically, I was stuck sitting near the obnoxious guy who I stopped going to lunches to avoid. I tried to ignore him. He tried to take a picture of my side of the table. “Please don’t take my picture right now.” I said. “Are you saying you don’t want your picture taken at any events?” He asked angrily.

The truth is that I just don’t want him to have my picture because he creeps me out. In fact, let me just drift into a fantasy answer for a minute: “No.” I tell him. “I’m fine with having my picture taken at events, but I’m not fine with you taking it. Because, you give me the creeps and the way you are taking my picture gives me the creeps and the way you used to follow me around and badger me makes me angry. I’ve told you that I find your behavior invasive, and that I don’t want you to talk to me, and now, here you are, talking to me. Go away! No one wants you at this restaurant! PLEASE PLEASE LEAVE!!!”

What I actually tell him is, “No, I just don’t want my picture taken right now.” He gets angry and tells his girlfriend, “She’s just selfish. I’m doing this for the group and she is just selfish!” “She’s eating! Leave her alone!” She tells him. They fight, his girlfriend walks out. He walks out after her. She comes back in. He’s still outside. “I’m sorry.” I say to her. “It’s not your fault. I just hate it when he gets all self righteous.” she says.

Sheesh. I drove home with the friend who invited me who didn’t notice any of this. He’s surprised when I tell him that the original people were angry that the official group came. “I just think ‘the more the merrier.’” He tells me.

What do you think? Is “you can’t say you can’t play” a good rule? Just for kids or for you too? How do you balance kindness, inclusion, and yet keep healthy and happy boundaries?

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An NPR snippet, a conversation, and what it reminded me of.

A teacher doesn’t want any of her students to be left out anymore. She proposes a new rule: You can’t say ‘You can’t play.’

Imagine how this rule would have changed the dynamics of the elementary school you grew up in. But the first thing I thought of when I heard this wasn’t how fabulous it would be, how fair things would finally be. I heard the radio program last year (which I can’t find online anywhere,) and all I could think of was how I was finally becoming a person with the ability to say “you can’t play” to people who were treating me badly. From Yes! magazine:

…Paley recounts the long process she and her students went through to determine whether or not such a rule was “fair” and could work.

On the surface, the debate seems to have two sides – the “bosses,” or the children who make up the games and decide who can play versus the rejected children who, for one reason or another, might spoil everyone’s game. But caught in the middle are those who just want to fit in and be liked. Those who fear sticking up for the outcasts because one day they, too, might be told, “You can’t play.”

“I could play alone,” says popular Lisa during one class discussion. “Why can’t Clara play alone?”

“I think that’s pretty sad,” replies the self-sufficient Angelo. “People that is alone, they has water in their eyes.”

“I’m more sad if someone comes that I don’t want to play with,” says Lisa.

Paley intervenes with a question, “Who is sadder, the one who isn’t allowed to play, or the one who has to play with someone he or she doesn’t want to play with?”

“It’s more sadder if you can’t play,” Clara pipes up.

“The other one is the same sadder,” says Lisa.

“It has to be Clara, because she puts herself away in her cubby. And Lisa can still play every time,” says Angelo.

I don’t know. As an elementary school kid, I definitely identified with the kids in the middle. I desperately wanted to fit in, and I ached to be popular, but I was bold too. I would be friends with the outcasts despite my fears. I didn’t want anyone to be left out. Now I identify a little more with Lisa! I’m tired of including some people. I think maybe there is a reason they are left out. Maybe the people who are left out need some social skills training. That reminds me of a story… Part 2

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…A single Man has not nearly the Value he would have in that State of Union. He is an incomplete Animal. He resembles the odd Half of a Pair of Scissars. If you get a prudent healthy Wife, your Industry in your Profession, with her good Economy, will be a Fortune sufficient.But if you will not take this Counsel, and persist in thinking a Commerce with the Sex inevitable, then I repeat my former Advice, that in all your Amours you should prefer old Women to young ones. You call this a Paradox, and demand my Reasons…

Check out the fascinating reasons. :)

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Brandi Carlile

I discovered Brandi Carlile through Pandora and fortunately shared my discovery with A.M. who then bought tickets for us to see her in a live show. She and her band were awesome. The performance was powerful and was so moving I got chills, and tears were drawn from my eyes. The post below is from their website. I’m impressed that her soulfulness comes out in her prose as well as her music.

You can check out her music on Pandora. I’ve bought 4 of the same CDs so far. Three for other people, one for me. If you get a chance to see her in person, she is even better, and stuns with a couple covers, one by Leonard Cohen and one by Johnny Cash.

In The Studio
Posted by on 09.13.06As I sit in a dark control room and listen to the music we’ve been recording, I look at T Bone Burnett sitting at an old Neve console holding an 80 year old guitar and wearing sunglasses and it strikes me that if the twins and I weren’t wearing Chuck Taylors we could be anywhere in the world and at any point in time over the last 100 years…

We’ve been in the studio for over a week and things are going amazing — the twins and I have been on the road for so long that we have become a live band so it’s been intimidating and exciting to be put under a microscope… it’s a scary thing to know how you really sound.

It’s such a thrill to get these songs off my chest after a couple of years of playing them on the road…we recorded “The Story” and my voice cracked before the big loud scream and we kept it because it sounded raw and real. Sometimes it’s hard for me to accept imperfection but I’m learning everyday. T Bone has taken us to church.

Love,
Brandi

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ME: Did you like having our silly time today? Did you like our walk?

HIM: I saw … walky … and … (Starts giggling.)

ME: You saw a walky?

HIM: I will crush you.

Ohh… very good. Go read the rest of it!

Found via Dooce.

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An Atlanta Unitarian wrote about the UU sales pitch:

I was recently talking with another new Unitarian on how we “sell” our religion to others. My original sales pitch was: “You don’t have to believe in anything in particular to join our group.” Her sales pitch was: “We take the best of every religion, with out taking the bad stuff.”Well I don’t think it takes a genius to see which sales pitch is better. Hers is both better and more accurate than mine. In fact, my sales pitch is so weak I’m shocked I would even say it aloud – that the best we have to offer is a lack of constraints, total personal freedom? Is this what we offer? Why join a group whose main offering is to leave you just the way you were before you joined?

…I think there is a core stance to Unitarianism, or if there isn’t one I think there is something I would like to place at its center, to give it a core stance in my mind…

I think it is a profound difference that we can believe what we want to believe, and think what we want to think, and still be in community with others. That is huge and that is why I go to a UU church. I don’t understand why I read so many UU bloggers who seem to have a longing to have some kind of belief besides good moral code in common.

Also, I don’t think that UU’s are just changed by the communities they join, they also change the community. That is what part of my sales pitch could be:

~*~The UU church is a dynamic community. ~*~
~*~Imagine a spiritual home where you can actually add your voice, energy and vibrancy to the mix rather than suppressing it!!~*~
~*~Pretty radical, huh. ~*~
~*~It’s exciting and alive and you can be a part of it. ~*~

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Written January 19th while I was looking for a new place to live.

Ummm… I need to move out in about 10 days and no one I’m writing to is writing back to me? Is it time to really kick this search into high gear, or is it time to aimlessly surf the internet? Ummm.. yeah. Check out Last.fm

You get your own online music profile that you can fill up with the music you like. This information is used to create a personal radio station and to find users who are similar to you. Last.fm can even play you new artists and songs you might like. It’s addictive, it’s growing, it’s free, it’s music.

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“I just called to say hi,” I told my mom this morning.
“And to wish me a Happy Mother’s Day?” She prompted.
“Oh yeah, and to wish you a Happy Mother’s Day!”
We talked for a few minutes, but being in a time zone three hours later than mine, she had to get to church. First she wanted to tell me about her dream last night, and then, of course, she wanted to hear my dream.

I dreamt that I had plans with someone, but right before he came over, I fell to the floor with exhaustion. This is only a slightly dramatized version of my real life. Last night my friend never came over, I called her, and fell to my bed with exhaustion at 7:30. I knew this would mean I would wake up way too early, but I just couldn’t hold out until 9. That’s why I called my mom at 5:30 this morning, an hour and a half after I woke up. And how I had time to read poetry before I called, which came in handy as my mom missed the first hour of church while talking to me. In acknowledgment of her lost hour of church, I decided to give her a mother’s day sermon. I got it from The Rag and Bone Shop of the Heart which I was reading this morning.

I was worried because when I read it earlier in the morning, I started crying at the first sentence, having read it before and knowing what was coming. I tend to cry when I read things to my mom, even if it didn’t make me cry on my own. “Don’t worry,” I told my mom before I started reading it, “I cried earlier, but I’m fine now.”

What Happened During the Ice Storm

One winter there was a freezing rain. How beautiful! people said when things outside started to shine with ice. But the freezing rain kept coming. Tree branches glistened like glass. Then broke like glass. Ice thickened on the windows until everything outside blurred. Farmers moved their livestock into the barns, and most animals were safe. But not the pheasants. Their eyes froze shut.

Some farmers went ice-skating down the gravel roads with clubs to harvest the pheasants that sat helplessly in the roadside ditches. The boys went out into the freezing rain to find pheasants too. They saw dark spots along a fence. Pheasants, all right. Five or six of them. The boys slid their feet along slowly, trying not to break the ice that covered the snow. They slid up close to the pheasants. The pheasants pulled their heads down between their wings. They couldn’t tell how easy it was to see them huddled there.

The boys stood still in the icy rain. Their breath came out in slow puffs of steam. The pheasants’ breath came out in quick little white puffs. Some of them lifted their heads and turned them from side to side, but they were blind folded with ice and didn’t flush. The boys had not brought clubs, or sacks, or anything but themselves. They stood over the pheasants, turning their own heads, looking at each other, each expecting the other to do something. To pounce on a pheasant, or to yell Bang! Things around them were shining and dripping with icy rain. The barbed-wire fence. The fence posts. The broken stems of grass. Even the grass seeds. The grass seeds looked like little yolks inside gelatin whites. And the pheasants looked like unborn birds glazed in egg white. Ice was hardening on the boys’ caps and coats. Soon they would be covered with ice too.

Then one of the boys said, Shh. He was taking off his coat, the thin layer of ice splintering in flakes as he pulled his arms from the sleeves. But the inside of the coat was dry and warm. He covered two of the crouching pheasants with his coat, rounding the back of it over them like a shell. The other boys did the same. They covered all the helpless pheasants. The small gray hens and the larger brown cocks. Now the boys felt the rain soaking through their shirts and freezing. They ran across the slippery fields, unsure of their footing, the ice clinging to their skin as they made their way toward the blurry lights of the house.

This mother’s day sermon was brought you you by Braidwood’s mom’s daughter Braidwood.Happy Mother’s Day!

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nipples through shirts
18th birthday present
weird diets
sexier women
colonic downfall

My favorite is “colonic downfall.” ;)

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Curvy and Naughty
Raw score: 48% Big Breasts, 45% Big Ass, and 48% Cute!

Thanks for taking the T and A and C test! Based on your selections, the results are clear: you show an attraction to larger breasts, larger asses, and sexier composures than others who’ve taken the test.

[Wha'?]

Note that you like women overall curvier than average.

[Talk about self serving opinions.]

My third variable, “cuteness” is a mostly objective measure of how innocent a given model looked. It’s determined by a combination of a lot of factors: lack of dark eye makeup, facial expression, posture, etc. If you scored high on that variable, you are either really nice OR you’re into deflowering teens.

[Or you're genetically programmed to be a mother. What can I do?]

If you scored low, you are attracted to raunchier, sexier, women. In your case, your lower than average score suggests you appreciate a sexier, naughtier look. Kudos!

[What?!]

Recommended Celebrities: Supermodel Laetitia Casta and Actress Angelina Jolie.
Link: The Tits, Ass, and Cuteness Test written by chicken_pot_pie.

Ok, weird test, I know. But, I couldn’t help myself. I’m only sorry that I got a picture with Angalina on it (cut it accidentally,) because I am on Team Aniston, naturally. I would think that I would have scored higher on the cuteness factor, but I think they were basing “cuteness” on other features than I would. The test sure called it when it picked Laetitia Casta though. Sheesh.

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Synchronicity

[First paragraph of post just deleted. Grumble grumble. Have to write it again. Grumble grumble.]

Well, as I was saying, ’twas late at night/early in the morning, and I was watching Roseanne on Nick at night. It was the one where they win a bunch of money, so I switched the channel pretty quickly, plus they had the new Becky (hey, is the new Becky that actress on Scrubs?) but not before I heard Leon toast the couple thusly: “If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.”

I have never heard that quote before and then I go to the Quotations Page (a story for another day) and it is one of the quotations of the day! What do you think about that? Just coincidence, or is someone trying to tell me that I am destined to be rich no matter how far I take this eat-whatever-I-want-to and watch-lots-of-TV thing?

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Teeth

I could do a whole post on teeth. For now, here is a story about getting dental work done in Mexico. I went to Tijuana for dental work once. I’ll tell you about it in my more extensive post on teeth.

HOWTO: Get Your Teeth Fixed in Mexico

In the United States, major dental work can be financially ruinous. Without belaboring the lively political topic of why this is, I am here to report that it is possible for a US resident to save 75% or more on major dental work by the simple expedient of having it done in Mexico.

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This site is dope! And I should know because I am like, something percent native American.

We are well-liked by Black people so we’re psyched (since lots of Black people don’t like lots of White people)!! We thought it’d be cool to honor our exceptional status with a ROCKIN’ domain name and a killer website!!

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Me without Tivo

Me without Tivo means me watching wayyy too much T.V, but that is a post about functionality and human performance for another time.

Me watching wayy too much T.V. means my brain getting affected by the not too subliminal messages they are sending my way. I felt myself wanting to look a certain way tonight- even dye my hair. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but after living without thinking anything is wrong with me, I recognize the “I’ve got to fix myself” restlessness.

You can see the anti- “you’ve got to fix yourself” Dove commercial at Starling Fitness. Dove may be doing it for promotional reasons, but the