music

You are currently browsing articles tagged music.

Clues

I’m looking for clues about what I want to do next with all this life energy I got going on.

I’m deciding if I want to take a NIA class this summer. I looked up NIA articles online and found one that gave me a sudden tingle in my stomach and get tears in my eyes. That feeling is a clue.

It was an article about creating space in a NIA class:

…the students created the space every morning and afternoon by coming into a circle, and becoming still in body, mind, emotions, and spirit.

I’ve been thinking about how I want to bring movement to more of our everyday lives. Especially ritual. Maybe that is why I got a teary reaction? Maybe it’s the same teary reaction I get at the end of a yoga or NIA class when I finally pay attention to myself? Maybe I’m longing for that?

Or maybe it was this song I was listening to while I read it. (I dare you to listen to the whole thing.)

Related posts

This sound really fits how I’m feeling after hearing about my kitten.

(found via Dooce)

Related posts

“April hath put a spirit of youth in everything.”
- William Shakespeare


This day is quite an illustrious day in history. You might not have realized this.

Duke Ellington and Maya Angelou were born on April 4th.

April 4” is one of the only dates mentioned specifically in a U2 song. Tis true.

AND I was born on April 4th. Yep, it’s me birthday!*

*If you want to want to give me a present, leave me a comment telling me about something small that someone does for you that makes you feel loved.
April 4th birthdays and years
1896: Tristan Tzara, French poet
1899: Duke Ellington, American band leader
1914: Marguerite Duras, French writer
1915: Muddy Waters, Chicago blues singer
1928: Maya Angelou, American poet

April is also:
Guitar month, Humor month, AND Kite flying month. April truly rocks.

“The sun was warm but the wind was chill.
You know how it is with an April day.
When the sun is out and the wind is still,
You’re one month on in the middle of May.
But if you so much as dare to speak,
a cloud come over the sunlit arch,
And wind comes off a frozen peak,
And you’re two months back in the middle of March.”
- Robert Frost

“Spring is the Period
Express from God.
Among the other seasons
Himself abide,

But during March and April
None stir abroad
Without a cordial interview
With God.”
- Emily Dickinson, Spring is the Period, #844

More Spring poems here. (Takes awhile to download.)

Related posts

Rat Park (part 2)

My plans for rat park rather than rat cage living written a couple months ago:

One night a week at a track club: I like running every now and then- I especially like running fast and this track work out is dedicated to speed work.

Dancing: My favorite dance company in my town has moved closer to where I live and I want to take their classes. I’m a little nervous about facing fat prejudice. I love dancing and I have a natural aptitude for it. I hope I’ll be welcomed and not judged even though I bet I’ll have more fat on my body then other people in the class will.

*If you’ve ever faced prejudice, how do you deal with it? Do you call people on it? Do you ignore it and try to prove them wrong through your actions? Do you ignore it? There is so much fat prejudice in our society. I’m worried that it is especially bad in dance classes. Oh well. I gotta dance. I’m going anyway.

**By the way, if you love dancing and are fat, (ie: you have more fat on your body than you feel is socially acceptable) and are afraid to face the fat prejudice, I recommend salsa dancing and swing dancing. There are people of all different shapes there and people mostly just want a good dance partner. A fat safe place.

Wilderness training: I love camping and I haven’t gone camping in about 5 years now. Unheard of! I got a notice in my email for a ten week wilderness training course put on by the Sierra Club. Ten weeks of training and four camping trips to practice our skills! This class is what got the rat park ball rolling.

Writing group: I write almost every day. I have weird mixed feelings about going to a writing group.

*Fantasy: I imagine reading something and everyone exclaiming about how great it is. Afterwards, people come up to me and say that I should be in their smaller writing group, I should publish a book, they know a magazine editor- I should submit an article.

**What I don’t really want is any negative critique. I’m not sure why I’m less open to suggestion about my writing. I think I know when my writing is crappy or blah. What will be useful for me is having a regular time to meet with people every month and preparing writing to be read in public.

Music: I feel almost opposite about music as I do about writing. I don’t want an open mike night to perform at. I want a jam session and I’m open to LOTS of feedback.

2/25/08 Update: I have been taking the Wilderness course and I have been enjoying my time off. I’m blossoming out of the cage office and in my enriched natural environment. I’m glad I found this post which reminds me of so to add in some of the other activities I was excited about as well. Wishing you the oomph to change any cage like situations and get thee some more park like situations.

Related posts

I loved this movie and their Oscar winning song still brings tears to my eyes.

Watch the movie, then check out the bios of the actors, then watch (or read) their thank you speeches at the Oscars. Then listen to their winning song “Falling Slowly” and see if it brings tears to your eyes too.

“This is amazing. Make art. Make art.”
- Glen Hansard’s Oscar acceptance speech

“…and this, the fact that we’re standing here tonight, the fact that we’re able to hold this, it’s just to prove no matter how far out your dreams are, it’s possible. And, you know, fair play to those who dare to dream and don’t give up.”
- Markéta Irglová’s Oscar acceptance speech

“You have suffered enough, and warred with yourself, it’s time that you won.”
- lyric from Falling Slowly

Wishing you the daring audacity to make art and the courage to pursue your dreams no matter how far out they are.

With love,
B.

Related posts

Joy Points

I’m starting a new feature called Joy Points. I’m doing this program called Wired for Joy and one of our assignments this week is to collect 100 joy points. 100! In a week! How joyful do they want us to be, anyway? :)

I’m already feeling more joyful (first day of new week of class) which I think attests to the power of focus. I want to remember and help myself focus on these joyful moments. So, I’m going to write the joy points that stand our for me from the day.

For yesterday night and so far today:

Last night

Improv class: I’m funny. This may come as a shock, but it’s true. And I love being quick and delightful and having it be in a setting where that is the definition of successful, with other people who want to play with me. 10

Unexpected visitor: last night I heard a cat crying outside our apt near midnight. I opened the door and it ran in. I had NO food, and it was hungry, but after playing and exploring, it came to bed and curled up happily right next to me. I was amazed that the playful teenage kitten would be so still. It seemed very contented and I was happy it was so happy to lay there with me. Sweet little guy. 1

Today

“Lovely, lovely, lovely” My exercise buddy came over this morning and after we did yoga, he started playing around with garage band. He recorded a little guitar music and then we sang to it, making it up as went along. I was irritable from major lack of sleep (the rest of the kitten story), but when we listened to what we had recorded, we just kept laughing. At one point, he sings, “Lovely, lovely, lovely” It was hilarious. 3 Click here to listen to Lovely, lovely, lovely

When I stepped outside to get groceries this afternoon, the stormy sky had a mix of gray and blue and was magnificent. 1

At the grocery store, I was enjoying buying my loads and loads of vegetables. I am really enjoying cooking, which is near miraculous. And I felt happy to pick non-packaged food out and be getting ideas about delicious things to make with it all. YUM! 1

My mom sent me a package today. She sent a sweet Valentine’s card in it. She sent $20 for me to buy flowers with. I am in a Valentine’s mood and have belatedly hung hearts on our front door. (I don’t care if it’s cheesy) I’m going to put out my orange, purple and red heart patterned welcome mat, and I’m going to spend ALL of that money to buy myself flowers at the Farmer’s Market on Sunday. Thanks, mom. 2

I wanted to listen to music, clicked on Pandora and wasn’t logged in so it asked me for which song I wanted to base a new station on. “Crap” I wrote. (Expressing my dismay about not remembering my password.) And it made me a station based on Crap! :) And it was good! Yeah, and it produced many joy points, especially when Utah Phillips accompanied by Anni Di Franko came on. 4

My mom sent some Mormon magazines along with the clothes and card she sent me. Sigh… Oh, mother. But I read a couple articles (she knows I’m a sucker for reading.) A couple of the articles were really sweet. 2

Writing about all these joy points in my blog and laughing at them again and listening to “Lovely, lovely, lovely” again. :) 3

Related posts

I was a highway man

Related posts

This Is My Life, Rated
Life: 6.4
Mind: 7.2
Body: 8.2
Spirit: 8.2
Friends/Family: 4.3
Love: 2.1
Finance: 6.3
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Wow, I can’t believe my life rated well enough to give advice! I’m up from a year ago.

After taking the quiz, they said my rating was above average and asked me to give words of advice! That is a request I cannot resist.

Think about it:

I have really thought about what makes me happy and I’ve tried to implement those things. I’ve also tried to accept my weaknesses and work with how I am. For instance, TV is not a thing that makes me happy in the long run, but when I have it, I get addicted. So, I don’t get cable. My mind is much more relaxed since doing this and I have way more time for actual fun.

Healthy habits:

I write in my journal almost everyday. This helps calm my mind down.

Finances for the middle class:

I have a steady job which I don’t love but it is nice to have steady money. (I’m working on getting a job I love.) It’s very stressful to be scrambling for money. I live well within my means so that I can save every month. I decide what feels luxurious for me so I get to feel rich while living simply. For me, it is a treat to be able to go to the grocery store and buy whatever I want with out checking for prices. This is real luxury for me that doesn’t actually cost me that much. I’m cheap in areas I don’t care about. For example, I am content to drive an old car which means no car payments and cheap insurance.

Relationships!

The best thing I’ve done for myself is to make good relationships a priority. I was happy to be able to honestly say that I have 6-10 good friends and that I have a close relationship with my family. That wasn’t always true for me.

Advice for people who need it:

I highly recommend making relationships a priority. If you are having trouble making friends or unsure where to make friends, here are two main ways you can start to improve that.

First, learn to take good care of yourself and start with small steps. For example, start doing things you like to do, even if it is on a small scale. You want to be a famous dancer? Turn on some music and dance around in your room. What does this have to do with relationships? Your level of happiness shows up and people will be attracted to you based on that happiness.

Sometimes it can be hard to learn to care for yourself if you weren’t raised that way. Just take one small step. Sometimes, even if you were raised well, it can be so easy to forget what you love and what makes you happy. It can also be easy to not take your preferences seriously. If you really feel so much happier when you go on a walk after dinner, GO ON THAT WALK! Your happiness is important.

Next, even before you have made yourself all happy and perfect, go out and find some people to be with! Your personal balance and maturity and the health of your relationships are intertwined and you need to pursue both.

Two good places to meet people if you are feeling shaky socially: churches and support groups. To put it plainly, these are places that will accept you even if you are socially inept and to be socially ept :) you need to be around people. To be socially ept, you also need to learn a lot of skills, so do some reading about relationships, take some classes, practice some skills, learn by observation. Avoid the pitfalls of seeming desperate (which can be hard if you are just coming out of seclusion - why support groups are helpful) also avoid the pitfall of arrogance. Really try on the belief that most people have something valuable to offer you.

Tip: If you are not religious, a good church to try is a Unitarian Universalist church.

Ps: I would have loved to read other people’s advice, but couldn’t find it. What’s your happiness advice?

PPS: Once again they scored me low in the friends and family department when I think that is one of the best things about my life. Shall I be punished for my unhappy childhood forever, internet quiz?

Related posts

Brandi Carlile

I discovered Brandi Carlile through Pandora and fortunately shared my discovery with A.M. who then bought tickets for us to see her in a live show. She and her band were awesome. The performance was powerful and was so moving I got chills, and tears were drawn from my eyes. The post below is from their website. I’m impressed that her soulfulness comes out in her prose as well as her music.

You can check out her music on Pandora. I’ve bought 4 of the same CDs so far. Three for other people, one for me. If you get a chance to see her in person, she is even better, and stuns with a couple covers, one by Leonard Cohen and one by Johnny Cash.

In The Studio
Posted by on 09.13.06As I sit in a dark control room and listen to the music we’ve been recording, I look at T Bone Burnett sitting at an old Neve console holding an 80 year old guitar and wearing sunglasses and it strikes me that if the twins and I weren’t wearing Chuck Taylors we could be anywhere in the world and at any point in time over the last 100 years…

We’ve been in the studio for over a week and things are going amazing — the twins and I have been on the road for so long that we have become a live band so it’s been intimidating and exciting to be put under a microscope… it’s a scary thing to know how you really sound.

It’s such a thrill to get these songs off my chest after a couple of years of playing them on the road…we recorded “The Story” and my voice cracked before the big loud scream and we kept it because it sounded raw and real. Sometimes it’s hard for me to accept imperfection but I’m learning everyday. T Bone has taken us to church.

Love,
Brandi

Related posts

Written January 19th while I was looking for a new place to live.

Ummm… I need to move out in about 10 days and no one I’m writing to is writing back to me? Is it time to really kick this search into high gear, or is it time to aimlessly surf the internet? Ummm.. yeah. Check out Last.fm

You get your own online music profile that you can fill up with the music you like. This information is used to create a personal radio station and to find users who are similar to you. Last.fm can even play you new artists and songs you might like. It’s addictive, it’s growing, it’s free, it’s music.

Related posts

Hi all,

Remember my dark night of the soul I had (well, sorta) from a few nights ago? I felt the lack of meaning in my job, great job as it is, and full of gratitude for it as I am. My solution was to give myself a break, give myself permission to rest for awhile, and just enjoy having a job, living where I want to live, and having dental insurance.

Listening to music by Emma’s Revolution last night has sparked an addendum to that solution. I realized that I can add conciousness raising to many parts of my life. I can imbue my life with meaning! When I got a job my mom suggested that I tithe part of my income. I grew up paying tithing and there is part of me that wants every little penny of my money, on the other hand one of the reasons I am most excited to have a regular income is so that I can contribute to my church and other organizations that are doing good work.

Some other ways I want to add meaning to the everyday parts of my life:

  1. Gifts! I love giving a gift that I know someone will love, but so often I am just dashing to get someone something. I hate that. Instead, I can give conciousness raising gifts that people will like. (So, not a certificate saying that I gave a donation in someone’s name, except for the rare altruistic person who might like that.)
  2. Purchasing everyday items that are made with fair practices.
  3. Choosing uplifting media to surround myself with.

Look for more posts with specific ideas in the future!

Related posts

I feel a little sytmied in my job search right now. I have mailed out lots of resumes and cover letters. I have written to my contacts and asked them for leads and advice. Hmmm. My mailbox is empty, I have no new phone messages. Does this mean I actually have to start calling people now? I’m all revved up and ready for action and not sure what to do next. But at least the music is good! (Thanks to Pandora and a new independant radio station in my town.) Here is my list of my favorite songs from Pandora:

  1. Gone For Good The Shins …Closer To You Radio
  2. Gillian (Live) The Waifs …Closer To You Radio
  3. Bird On The Wind Mia And Jonah …Closer To You Radio
  4. Smile Mia And Jonah …Closer To You Radio
  5. Gone For Good (Alternate Version) Shins .…Closer To You Radio
  6. Get Out The Map Indigo Girls …Closer To You Radio
  7. What If No One’s Watching Ani Difranco …Closer To You Radio
  8. Space Age Mom Damien Jurado ….Love Will Come To You Radio
  9. Coalminer Mia And Jonah ….Love Will Come To You Radio
  10. Your Scars Charlemagne ….Love Will Come To You Radio
  11. Black Superman Jude ….Love Will Come To You Radio
  12. Trouble Elliott Smith ….Love Will Come To You Radio
  13. Prince Of Darkness Indigo Girls .….Love Will Come To You Radio
  14. Become You Indigo Girls ….Love Will Come To You Radio
  15. The General Dispatch .….Love Will Come To You Radio
  16. 2:45 AM Elliott Smith ….Love Will Come To You Radio
  17. Bird On The Wind Mia And Jonah ….Love Will Come To You Radio
  18. What Can I Say Brandi Carlile .….Love Will Come To You Radio
  19. Rose Parade Elliott Smith ….Love Will Come To You Radio
  20. Love Will Come To You Indigo Girls ….Ani Difranco Radio
  21. Closer To You Brandi Carlile ….Ani Difranco Radio
  22. Shelter Me (Live) The Waifs .….Ani Difranco Radio
  23. Fireflies Firecracker ….Ani Difranco Radio
  24. One Monkey Gillian Welch ….Ani Difranco Radio
  25. Easy On Me Jeff Black ….Ani Difranco Radio
  26. Bird On The Wind Mia And Jonah ….Indigo Girls Radio
  27. Everything I Wanted Jonatha Brooke ….Indigo Girls Radio
  28. Out Loud Dispatch ….Indigo Girls Radio
  29. Abilene The Great Unknowns ….Indigo Girls Radio
  30. Turned My Back Theresa Sokyrka ….Indigo Girls Radio
  31. Cemetery Gates The Smiths …..Elderly Woman Behind The Counter In A Small Town Radio
  32. The Whole Of The Law The Only Ones …..Elderly Woman Behind The Counter In A Small Town Radio
  33. Hold On To Your Friends Morrissey …..Elderly Woman Behind The Counter In A Small Town Radio
  34. Half A Person The Smiths …..Elderly Woman Behind The Counter In A Small Town Radio
  35. I Want You Around (Ed Stasium Mix) Ramones …..Elderly Woman Behind The Counter In A Small Town Radio
  36. Eventually Brendan Benson …..Elderly Woman Behind The Counter In A Small Town Radio

(The “radio station” is based on an artist or a song.)

Related posts

Pandora Speaks

I sent a fan email to Pandora and got a reply, both of which I’m sharing with you. (Right now I’m listening to The Rain by the Subdudes. “You’re beautiful and ordinary. Life is very good with you indeed.” Now Trouble by Elliot Smith. mmm! This is a good station.)

Hi Pandora people,

I used to loove listening to music. I would listen to the college radio station in our town, and listened to friends’ music all through college, and then onto KRCL, an awesome local station in Utah. Then I figured I just got old and stodgy and stopped being as interested in discovering new music, but the truth is I just moved to a place with lots of corporate radio and friends with less time to lay around and listen to music. So, thank you thank you thank you thank you thank YOU for a place to discover music again. Yay! :)

PPS: I’m having the most luck with my station “Love will come to you” by the Indigo Girls.

Tim Westergren to me Jan 24 (18 hours ago)

Thanks so much for your kind words, - I’m really glad you’re enjoying the service so much.

Nothing quite like getting reconnected with music…! No one should be without it.

Great to have you as a pandora listener.

Cheers,

Tim

Tim Westergren
Founder
Pandora Media

NOTE: Pandora Tour
Beginning in Mid-March, we’re planning a road trip across the Southern states to meet listeners and look for new music. We’re starting in Austin, Texas at the SXSW conference, then heading East. We’ll wind our way all the way to Washington DC. Still plotting our course, which we’ll eventually start posting on our blog (http://blog.pandora.com/pandora/). Keep in touch - we may come through your town and would love to meet you (feel free to suggest destinations too.. we’ll be in no particular hurry to cross the continent!).

Related posts

Top ten things I love about the end of the year? Well, one of them has to be all the “best of” music lists, where I discover a lot of good music. I love All songs Considered on NPR. You can listen online to theirNPR 2005 Countdown.

All Songs Considered host Bob Boilen counts down listener picks for the ten best CDs of 2005, with NPR music reviewers Will Hermes, Tom Moon and Meredith Ochs. They also share some of their own favorites from the year and take calls from listeners. This program originally webcast live on NPR.org Dec. 16, 2005.

Related posts

My response to Laura’s response to Steve’s post about fixing the problems in the world.

Hmmm.. I agree with both of you. I think we should all be like medical doctors and first do no harm. After that, I think there is a lot of room for variation. I am one of those save the world types that I think Steve and Laura both are. However, the world would be very boring if there weren’t the decorate and make things pretty types and the look at me aren’t I beautiful types and the I’m so charming types. (I’m sure we all have a little of all of those, I know I do. Tounge in cheek aside: As Max in Sound of Music said, people aren’t good or bad, they are charming or dull.)

That being said, I do think a call to action can sometimes be very healthy. Some people may need a call to action. It’s all about balance. If you are a save the world type, I think it is wise to follow Laura and S. Covey’s advice and focus your efforts on your area of influence rather than your area of concern and then your area of influence will grow. But first, do no harm and be kind. We save the world types can sometimes be pretty hard on other people and ourselves, at least I know I can.

Related posts

  • I highly reccomend Prairie Home Companion. It is listened to by people all over the country every week. In my family it was a tradition to listen and I still listen to it. Not only do they have contemporary music, the show gives the real flavor of many types of average people in America. (You can listen to the archives online and listen to the current show Sat night and Sun morning.)
  • In Utah I listened to KRCL. Because the DJs are all volunteers, they have an eclectic mix of music.
  • NPR has a music show called All Songs Considered. They are also starting a new feature where they are podcasting their Open Mike which is a program which features unsigned artists. I haven’t listened to Open Mike yet. Their tastes are pretty current, so it might take some getting used to if you like the classics. In the archives, you can listen to the staff and listener picks for the best songs of 2004.

I sent these links to my proffesor. He was talking about music and media in class and how there isn’t much variety the public has access to. I thought to the contrary. I have to wonder about myself sometimes. At one point in the conversation I actually said “Now you sound like my Grandfather.” I don’t know why he brings out the feisty side of me!

Related posts

…otherwise known as Braidwood is procrastinating again. Seriously, though, have you ever wondered about these Gwen Stephanie lyrics? Then check this article out and put your nagging doubts to rest.

Related posts

Car songs

DA Da Da Da! Yeah, I may look like a soccer mom, but I feel like the jammer I really am when I hear da HEAVY beat! :)

This morning while dropping a friend off at the airport, I heard three good car songs. (Luckily I heard them during the alone parts of the journey; the best time to turn up the radio and pretend I’m tough in my four door wagon.)
(The music links will take you to Amazon, if you scroll down, you’ll see where you can listen to a thirty second clip.)

  • Seven Nation Army by the White Stripes better known to me as “I’m going to WICHITA! DA, da da DA DA”
  • Possum Kingdom by the Toadies a song that gives me a guilty rush of pleasure to sing. It’s a bad song, but it feels so good. :)
  • Que’ Onda Guero by Beck first time I heard it, but destined to be a good Dance Jam song if nothing else.

Yeah, I rock it like I rock it when the coppers right behind me. I’m runnin’ from the tow truck I know he will never find me. I look like a soccer mom but the headies start to fly, when they see my rockin’ ways and see me wave goodbye. (Add heavy beat and cool music, nod head vigorously.)

Related posts

Jo over at Overexcitable asks “How can we give all gifted people acceptance and meaningful work in modern western society?” Like many people who answered her question, I don’t think it is a question of giving gifted people something. I think it is a matter of gifted people learning to give something perceived as valuable.

There are a lot of other factors besides being gifted that affect where and how a person can best fit in and give to society. To maximize the fit of all those variable that make up a person, it’s important to

  • know your self,
  • be clear about your intentions, and
  • be able to regulate your self.

Yes, being different throws in a few more challenges. (And probably everyone knows what it’s like to feel different.) For instance, I often run across the probably common challenge of being in a meeting and wanting to get the best possible outcome for the goal. If I present my ideas and no one has a better idea, so I take control and push my idea, than I lose several of my bigger outcomes. When I’m clear about my real outcomes, which in the case of meetings are usually a goal outcome that works, and happy relationships which will facilitate an effective community, than I will approach the meeting very differently. It is annoying to have to reign myself in, but that’s being a mature adult.

Where self-knowledge comes in is putting myself in situations that most value what I have to give. I think that is good advice for everyone. If you give something perceived as valuable, you will be valued. (Maybe that is part of Jo’s question. Where will gifted adults most be valued?)

That’s my practical answer. I think in reality, sometimes you are bursting at the seams to give your gift, and you must give it, whether or not it is valued. I’m thinking of Van Gogh, and a thousand other musicians and artists and writers. The thing is to know yourself, and be clear about your intentions. I don’t think it will work to tell society, “Please value me!” Nor do I want to do that. I do think that it is reasonable to provide support for everyone to help them learn how to balance their needs, including self-expression and belonging.

How do you balance your needs for self-expression and your need for belonging? Do those needs converge in your life or do they pull you in different directions?

Related posts

Rock on. I never stole (I mean downloaded) illigal music off the internet, but here is a playlist by Seb of free music. Oh yeah, Sébastien Paquet’s weblog is also cool. He is a smartie, and he is interested in social software, blogs, and much more! :) Yo, check it, and maybe even build your own playlist.

Related posts

Pandora is a cool idea. Musicians have analyzed thousands of songs based on their musical characteristics. You type in a favorite artist or song, and then they create a playlist based on the musical elements in the song you chose. The idea is that you will like similar songs. It seems pretty cool. You can try it out for 10 hours for free to see if you like it.

I put in “Elderly Woman Behind The Counter in a Small Town” by Pearl Jam. You know, the one that goes, “hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away…” The first song they played for me was Donegal Express by Shane MacGowen and the Popes. You can give the song thumbs up or down, buy it, or make a new playlist. You can aso find out the answer to “Why this song?” The answer in this case:

…Because it features folk influences, mild rhythmic syncopation, melodic songwriting, major key tonality, and a twelve-eight time signature.

Hmm. Cool! I might have another entry for my Christmas list. Now I’m just wondering what songs I should put in. Any suggestions?

Related posts

Bitter grateful

Today as I was stretching in NIA, after we were dancing to music as we thought of something/s we’re really greatful for, I thought, “I’m going to think of what I’m greatful for everyday. I’m going to post everything I’m greatful for on my blog! I’ll do it everyday until the end of the year! I’m going to rename my blog ‘Braidwood Praises,’ or “Braidwood Thanks.’ ” Sometimes I’m just TOO much!

Well, I just read my email, and I am going to have to amend my posting strategy. First I’ll post everything I’m bitter about, then I’ll post greatful. That will work much better.

Bitter:
GA! Everyone is nominating my co-chair for our church’s outstanding service award!!! This is very annoying for many reasons. Most of all it is annoying because I was going to nominate her- I had no thought of myself- really. But I thought I would nominate her in private so it wouldn’t look like an inside job because we are co-chairs. I was feeling all proud of her and glad she would be nominated. And then at our meeting someone else publicly nominated her, and someone else seconded it and now she just thanked two more people who nominated her on our email list!! Well isn’t that sweet. Here I am having long email conversations with people who: don’t like the way we vote, don’t understand how our list works, need such and such, and she is emailing a thank you to her many admirers. I really like my co-chair. (GA!) and like how we work together, so I knew I had to get this out somewhere. Again, GA! This is so irritating. I’m finally sympathizing with that protoypical invisible office worker who really runs everything but gets no credit. Oh yes, I have worked long effective hours. So, I ran a bad meeting once. GA!!!

Oh yeah, and I’m greatful for:
The rain, the cuddly cat, warm Mexican style chicken soup, Gilmore girls, that people let me be their co-chair (GA!!!) ok scratch that one for now, my fun projects I am working on, my talents, that I like dancing, the fun parties I went to this weekend, that my friend came to NIA with me, that I have fun Christmas and Thanksgiving plans, my new NLP guide. GA! Goddammit, give me some credit! (Sorry, sudden reversion to bitter.) And… I’m very greatful I did not give this link to my church group!! Ha! :) People who have it, and you know who you are, SILENCE!

Related posts

I love reading Andrea’s real life updates over at Roundy Wells. I wish all my friends and family had blogs! So, today I am going to treat you to a real life update.

Men: Nada. (Wow, this is quick!) I theoretically want to get married and if I happened to meet someone that I clicked with, I’d be all for it, but I’m putting no energy into looking. The only reason it has a little half-hearted place on my to do list is my biological clock. Mental calculations of biological clock: “Let’s see, I’m 31 [now you know :)] If I meet someone now and marry them in a year, the earliest I will have my first child is 33. If I want 4 kids, spaced two years apart… ARGHGGGH!!!” That’s how those internal conversations usually go, followed by a panicked: “I must meet somebody now!” or a tremulously reasuring, “Well, people are getting younger all the time, if you just stay in really great shape, it will be almost like you are in your 20’s when you are having kids!” Yeah right!

Job: Just quit! Yay me! In my job-life, I really feel like the airplane motivational speakers always talk about, on the wrong path most of the time but continually making adjustments so that it does eventually get where it intended to go. I know what I want to do: create blah, blah, blah, blah. (That information is part of my secret identity- or actually, my known identity, but this site is part of my secret identity, so my known identity is… this gets so confusing.) But how do I get there? I started drafting a letter to send to a well-known writer and Ph.D to share with him the research paper I wrote that involves his work. Ach! It scared me to even draft it. Do you double-dog-dare me to send it today? It is great thinking, in my humble opinion, but really stilted writing. I haven’t figured how to make research paper writing flow. I HATE that method of writing. eek.

I’m considering going to school some more to get a Ph.d and doing research there, applying for a grant to get my research funded, or… working at a regular job while I work on my own research on the side? This is all up in the air.

For the near future, I have a student loan coming in, so I won’t starve. However, I do want a job during this last semester and I will definitely need a job when the semester ends. As the very talented Andrea has shown, getting a job in a particular field can be challenging. I won’t have any welcoming arms letting me stay somewhere, I’ve already used that option up post bachelors degree. Unless something changes in some other area of my life. (See “Men:” above.)

Jobs I am considering: low paying student job on campus- hey, it’s money, actual full time job in my field if I can get it, or get an internship in my field. In addition, I AM starting my hypnosis practice back up. The website is in the works.

Other dreams: I want to sing and play the guitar and write songs. My grandma has agreed to pay for me to get singing lessons! Yay, Grandma!! I am soo excited to have a more consistantly performance worthy voice. Also, I am going to learn to play the guitar better and learn more music theory. As you know, I don’t want to become famous in that I don’t want my face to be broadly recognizable, but I DO want to be rich and talented. I would love to make money selling my songs and be a slightly known singer in my community- at church and in a local band. That would be sooo fun.

Housing: I want my own house. But I went driving around yesterday and I realized, even if something magical happens, I don’t know exactly where I want to live yet. However, being in a temporary place that is someone else’s house just sucks. No, I am not pleased with my roommates. Today I realized that I just have to clean in front of my other two roommates so they can WITNESS ME CLEANING, then they see that I am contributing my fair share of cleaning. My other roommate, the owner of the house, who I will call Fantasia, just got home today. Disclaimer: all of these roommates are nice. They are not horrible, but still, I am not pleased. So, Fantasia and Tina are chatting about the trip she just got back from and I say, “Hi! How was Florida?” And she says, in a measured voice usually reserved for pre-schoolers, and irritating even then,”Braidwood, I had a nice trip, but I don’t want to talk about it now. If you’d like, I will tell you about Florida later.” What the hell! I wanted to turn all Hustle and Flow * on her and tell her, “Yo, bitch, I couldn’t care less about your trip to Florida! I was just asking to be nice!” Then I fantasized about coming up with something socially acceptable yet funny and mean to say back to her. I could think of nothing. When I am displeased I turn very sincere and tend to say things like, “I really don’t like being spoken to like that.” I did think it would be funny to make up a song about Fantasia to the tune of “I’m living in my own private Idaho” and call it “I’m living in my own private Ashram!” (Fantasia teaches yoga and gives astrology readings and doesn’t think farting is funny.)

*I saw Hustle and Flow with my Grandma when I was in Hawaii, her choice, and the only reason I went. I usually stick to my Mormon heritage and skip rated R movies. Especially if there is the chance that there will be something in the movie that I just wish I had never seen. However, while Hustle and Flow had the trappings of banality, it was not banal. It was an awesome movie and I could totally relate.

Related posts

Ani DiFranco has some mighty funky music and some of it moves me mightily. This particular track is fairly accessible. I recommend listening to Stydying Stones, turning off the lights and dancing, or drawing a sad picture, or leaning back in your chair and crying. Ani’s songs make me want to dance.

Categories: ,

Related posts

If I was in a poem mood I’d make this post into a poem. The sentiments are more appropriate for poem form because they are from a deep felt place rather than a rational one. They are all tangled up with home, and fragile like being wanted and being loved. I’m talking about church. It IS Sunday after all! :)

We had the coolest service at church today, at first. We had a guest minister from Transylvania and he read the Lord’s prayer and he sounded JUST like Dracula reading the Lord’s prayer and, I’m not kidding, he was wearing a black cape! Then we had music after amazing music. At one point we were all standing, clapping and singing as a dynamite musician was pounding the piano keys and his spine tingling voice was ringing out. It was awesome. And then another guest minister with a name like Ala Tu Tu Bab Way, (whose name used to be something like Herman Jones,) started a preachin’. Boy, he was good. This man can preach. He’s a Presbyterian and a definite “God” minister. He was talking about how he prays when the spirit moves in his heart and the spirit moves in his heart ALL the time! (Hallelujah!) He said God is his center and his core. I was really enjoying this service. Contrary to what some people might think from my last post about church, God-talk does not bother me. I love to hear people’s stories and I am truly tolerant when it comes to people’s personal religious beliefs.

But then he drew a line between the God people and the not God people, with full contempt for the people who are “just in their heads” and don’t understand the deeper things about life (aka: God.) Ouch. I felt so unwelcome. Although the sermon was definitely anti-a-theistic, it wasn’t as bad, in a way, as the last sermon I wrote about, because he’s not a UU minister. On the other hand, I can’t imagine our ministers asking an atheist minister to preach who would be so contemptuous of theistic beliefs. I hope they wouldn’t.

I was so sad. I told a couple friends how unwelcome the sermon made me feel and, I started to cry when I said it.

Heavy hearted,
I cry.
But first,
Sonya brought me flowers for my birthday and a scarf that whispers ”you belong, you belong…”
And when I cried,
They held me.
And the ones that didn’t hold me stood by my side
And pet my arm.
And I breathe
And I drink some water and I
Let the sadness and the not-home ness fall
(A little awkwardly)
And I put it away for now
And walk to lunch.

Light hearted,
I laugh.
And I joke with Dan
Always the straight man.
And we have a little adventure as we stop in at the open house
And I see us through the broker mans eyes:
Four laughing girls in flowers,
Light hearted
In this warm and light and spacious
(And outrageously priced)
Condo.
And we eat strawberries,
And some of us eat chocolate,
And we continue on our adventure,
Slipping out of the house, the ending of our story as mysterious as our beginning,
The only real moment
Being our brief entrance on their very real stage,
Characters in their play that day,
Lighthearted characters in their play.

And should I continue with the story about the desk? Far more real.
People hawking their wares on the sidewalk outside of their house,
Moving to Tennessee.
Darci bought an ottoman, with glee,
I bought a desk,
On our walk back to the church today,
Our light and fumbling way,
Our mysterious, real
Play (full way.)

Related posts

I’ve been in a stew. My aunt said it best, “When you are sick, everything has portends of doom.” Yesterday, I talked to a school advisor who said I would probably end up working in a coffee shop, (or was it a gas station?) after hearing my professional plans. Asshole. For some reason, knowing that I was going to ignore his advice gave me the same feeling as Allison running from the cops. I felt like I stepped into another reality, without the protection afforded by following the sanctioned rules of the group. I saw my reflection in the blank TV, with my matter of fact eyes, and could see the little girl I used to be, with no respect for authority for authority’s sake, no respect for rules that didn’t make sense. I used to refuse to call adults by their last name and would call them by their first name, as they did with me. Are some of us just born that way, or is it a product of my childhood where I was inherently an outsider, so I could see with more unsocialized eyes?

I went to the library to get more videos to ease my at-home-with-the-flu boredom. I was looking for videos that would make me feel better and change my darkening world view. It’s interesting how many movies have the theme of the individual vs. the group. I checked out Cold Sassy Tree and Clueless, among others. I watched Cold Sassy Tree. The main character is trying to find a home and is shunned for her non-conformity by the townspeople. I can relate. Luckily she finds a stand up man, so she has a framework of safety around her different ness. I can relate to that too. No matter how weird you are, if you have a stand-up conformist-seeming man, you are still acceptable, not dangerous as you might be on your own. Yesterday it seemed to me that so much art, like movies and music, was made by non-conformists who were sending secret messages out to us other non-conformists telling us, “It’s alright, keep following your dreams, you can find a way, a path, no matter what the herd says.”

Seemingly paradoxically , I am finally discovering how important having a group is to me, and am learning to reach out to people when I need help. It’s a very healthy thing for me. Yesterday I could viscerally feel the safety in it, especially after watching the Net! (It’s not the video to watch when you are feeling jumpy from running from the cops, or sick.)

Related posts

Carry me Home

I was listening to music without boundaries tonight and thought I’d do a little art to the music. This is “Carry Me Home” by Hem on Eveningland.

Related posts

I need love

“I Need Love” by Terri Hendrix on The Art Of Removing Wallpaper.

Related posts

Two songs

This is “Train Song” by Mindy Smith on One Moment More, but then the next song came on and covered it up: “What The Hell Happened” by Bruce Hornsby on Halcyon Days.

Related posts

“Mother Rose” by Patti Smith on Trampin’

Related posts

I made a list of 20 things I really like to do yesterday and asked my mom to send me her list. It was interesting to think about which activities I do that give me the most satisfaction. It was really fun to read my mom’s list.

Here’s my 20 or so things I really like to do.

What about you? (Tip: write as fast as you can without evaluating, and do yours before you read mine!)

.

.

.

.

Did you write yours yet?

Ok, Here are mine:

  • Dancing
  • Playing with friends
  • Cuddling
  • Eating good food
  • Playing with animals
  • Singing and playing the guitar for other people
  • Creating a finished piece of art that I really like
  • Having an exciting intellectual discussion
  • Talking with someone and feeling a close connection
  • Making people laugh
  • Laughing really hard
  • Making my home and garden space look really nice
  • Choreographing a dance show
  • Expressing my ideas really well
  • Having someone play with my hair and otherwise love me
  • Swimming in warm water
  • Kayaking
  • River rafting
  • Seeing somewhere new and beautiful
  • Listening to good music
  • Listening to sensible and uplifting ideas
  • Learning something new that opens up possibilities for me
  • Accomplishing a goal
  • Knowing that I really helped someone and made a positive difference

I’d love to read your 20 things, if you want to share, leave a comment or a link to your 20 (or so)!

Related posts