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I saw a yonic symbol today in a Battlestar Galactica logo. Hee hee! :)

Its so obviously yonic that I felt bashful. (If you don’t know what “Yonic” means, click the above link and you might get the idea!)

So, I told my mom about it, and she could see what I meant. Then I told her my phallic symbol story which goes thusly:

Years ago I was telling my boyfriend (that I was with at the time) that there are lots of phallic symbols in our church (a church I used to belong to.) He didn’t believe me and the truth is I was being somewhat pretentious, I didn’t really know if all the spires were phallic symbols or not, but I was talking with a lot of fake expertise.  He had our church magazine and told me to show him a phallic symbol. The page he opened to happened to be a tall column; a Washington monument like monument with TWO LARGE ROUND BUSHES on either side of it. It was SO funny. It seriously looked just like a you-can-imagine-what. We couldn’t help laughing. I’ve never seen a more phallic phallic symbol!

So, I told my mom about this, and tried to find her a picture of the monument, but they have since changed the shrubbery. Someone must have finally noticed the large round bushes on either side of the monument. Ak! It cracks me up.

So, my mom looks it up for herself and starts reading me the information that the church has published about the monument: Apparently it is the “longest and smoothest shaft” of its kind. !!!!! And then naturally they stated when it was “erected.” hee hee. :)

PS: AHhhh!!! I think some good adolescent giggling is fun, but I left out the name of the monument for anyone who would be offended at me laughing at their shaft. (Oh shoot! I did it again!)

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I had one of those rolling around mornings where I woke up, laid in bed, started to think about getting up and then drifted back into dreaming. Rinse, repeat. Eventually when I was more awake, I started indulging in one of my bad habits which is imagining that I can go back in time and right all our familial wrongs and tragedies.

I take a messed up relative to a good NLP practitioner. (This requires forward as well as backward time travel.) I warn the other relatives about the plane. It gets more complicated as I realize that I am going to have to bring other current people back with me because they are so darn stubborn that they will never listen to some stranger that looks sort of like me who says they come from the future.

It gets further complicated because, say I save my dad from dying, well, what about the man my mom is very happily married to now? What about babies that have been born that might not have been born if “mistakes” hadn’t been made in the past. At a certain point the present has enough good in it, that you can’t mess around in the past anymore… I give up on those difficult questions, come back from the past, and finally decide to do the sensible thing and go forward in time to when I am about 50 and then travel back in time and give my current self some advice I can use.

50 year old advice to my 33 year old self:

1. Protect your skin, do facial exercises, start yoga now! It’s so much more enjoyable to be flexible. Eat healthy and exercise, but don’t stress- do it in moderation. Eat yummy food.

2. Learn something new. Develop your talents. It’s fun to be skilled. It leads to some of the greatest joy in life to do something well. Then you can do it with others. Then you can improvise and know the joy of creatiing.

3. I know you want to contribute to the world in the absolute best way. Choose something now! Don’t agonize. You can always change your mind. Everything you learn now will lay the foundation for the next thing you do. The only time wasted is the time spent agonizing over a decision.

4. Money. Save your money girlfriend. Don’t be fooled by compound interest. It is not linear. Get out of debt and save your pennies. Invest (in companies that you can fully support) and stop renting as soon as possible.

5. You know those relationships, jobs, etc that you justify? Get out. If you will look back and wonder why you stayed so long, get out. At the same time, take advantage of the good things in whatever situation you are in.

6. Inner work. Every bit of inner peace, increased skillfullness, etc that you gain will make every single day of your life better. You know that from past experience. It is worth spending the time to develop emotionally and mentally.

7. Relationships-all you need is love, da, da, da, da, da. I know hanging out with your Grandad doesn’t seem important. You like it, but you feel like you should be doing something to benefit humanity. Don’t worry, love is where it’s at, sister. Love your family, spend time with them, spend time with your friends, develop more and more real connections. I don’t know if it’s important in a cosmic way, but it is vital in a human way. It is the thing. It is the important thing.

I love you! Have a great time! Don’t waste any time being miserable when you can help it! Life can really be beautiful when you are sensible.

(Oh yeah, also, be sure and save your work, ’cause on November 28th your computer is going to disconnect from the internet and if you don’t save, your going to have to retype all my advice.)

Love,

Your imagined 50 year old self

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Yep, my mom was born on spooky Oct 31.

For YOU on your birthday, Mother of Mine:

—-

My mother is a bear.

Walking in the woods, smelling the earth, eating blueberries off bushes. She can hike for miles and miles, day after day, over hills, through streams. She will kill things to eat them.

My mother is a flower.

Demure and wearing pink, she speaks softly, let’s her husband lead, dresses in flowered dresses, and smiling and almost bowing, offers apple slices and celery to hungry visitors.

My mother has a secret world inside her head.

Quietly finding humor in numbers: She gives me 18 socks on my 18th birthday. (I forgive you.) She sends me a birthday card with my age in dec and hex. She tells me what’s exciting about the number pattern in this date, or this phone number. She relaxes with crossword puzzles. She laughs at physical comedy. She send me dirty jokes in my email.

My mother is virtuous and capable, like the woman in Proverbs – Chapter 31, “her husband can trust her and she will greatly enrich his life.”

She is like a merchant’s ship; she brings her food from afar.
She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household and plan the day’s work for her servant girls.
She goes out to inspect a field and buys it; with her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She is energetic and strong, a hard worker.

My mother has a body like a play boy bunny. Round, like me. I saw her thighs and knew for sure,

She is my mother.

She is a lover.

I’ll let her lover write about that.

She is my mother.

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