After taking my car (which was running just fine) for a check up in preparation for a road trip to the mechanic today, and paying $500 to get a new… something… plus new hoses, clamps, a light, and stuff, I drove my car home and now my car will not make it around the block. It has died. I am very sad. It was only 20.

Because my car died, I missed my farewell dinner with my improv group. I called them and told them I couldn’t make it. They did not cry. I could hear happy eating noises in the background.

I called the mechanic who said my car’s unexpected death probably has nothing to do with what they did to it today but he knows some towing companies I could call if I want to get it towed in and have them take a look at it. He said I could pay for that.

I decided that what I would do is get in bed and cry. Then make dinner, then maybe walk the half hour to my improv class.

While I was eating dinner, someone from my improv class called me and said they were worried because I hadn’t made it to class yet.

I was so embarrassed that I immediately jumped up, put on my coat, grabbed my keys, and headed out the door thinking that I would walk so fast that they wouldn’t know I had just left when they called.

As I was walking down the street a white car drove by and made a quick turn around near me. It was the woman who had called me. I panicked and lied and told her I was just walking to the grocery store to get ice-cream, but sure, I would go to improv with her instead. No, I didn’t hear her message, I was just walking out the door when I heard the phone ring. La, la, la… (I know, I know, you don’t have to tell me, I still feel guilty about it.)

We got to improv. I was very embarrassed. I lied again and told everyone I had been abducted by pirates and then escaped and had been abducted by bandits and that’s where I was when my improv friend saved me. I couldn’t believe no one called me on it.

The class was really fun and I only felt embarrassed once when someone looked at me funny and I wondered if she could tell I had been crying. On the other hand, I never wear make up and my face without make up is similar to the pasty and puffy look I get when crying, so maybe I was safe.

When class was getting ready to end, the guy next to me threw his arm over me and said, “Don’t go!” It was sweet. I think he likes me.

My improv friend drove me home and I said she could drop me off at the grocery store so I could get ice-cream. I did. And then I was abducted by pirates, but they said I could still write in my blog.

The end

Emotion switching. We were stuffing a pinata. I started with chavaunistic, he started with schitzophrenic (I don’t know how to spell either of those.) It is really hard to play a scene with a schizophrenic! He kept saying he was going to go over there, no he wasn’t, he was going to come back over here. He kept moving and talked in short, clipped sentences, He hated this! He loved it!

I stood proudly with my hands on my hips. I opened my mouth to speak several times, but he was still being schitzophrenic all over the place. When I got a chance to break in, I made a bold and loud pronouncement, “Only people with breasts stuff pinatas!”

I was still in my bold pose. I wasn’t sure what else to say. Ok, I’m a chauvinist. Am I a girl of a guy? What I just said didn’t make any sense did it?

Ok, it’s my turn: be manly, “Go stuff the pinata!”

Then a laugh burst out of my closed mouth and spit flew everywhere. I covered my mouth and tried to stop laughing. Then I thought, oh what the heck and went with it. I pretended to cry. Then I laughed, cried, laughed. Looked over my shoulder, “What did you say?” Then I looked down at myself and said with surprise, “Hey! I have breasts!”

He put his hands on his hips and said with disdain and arrogance, “Go stuff the pinata!”

An emotion switching game:

This time I started with masochistic and my partner started with ambitious.

Me: “Cinch up my dress, tighter, tighter! Ouch! MMM! Oh!! I can almost feel my ribs cracking!”

She: “With this dress and my skill as a coach, we are going to win the pageant for sure!” bending down to the floor. “Now which shoes do you want? The one inch heels, the three inch heels, or the 6 inch stilettos?”

Me: “The six inch stilettos!”

She: “They are going to really squeeze your toes, we don’t want this interfering with your ability to walk, we need to win!”

Me: “Squeeze me into those shoes! OH! That really hurts my toes! MM!”

She: Getting pricked by something as she puts on me shoes “Ouch! OH!!”

Me: starting to walk around her, hobbling in my painful shoes. “I’m going to WIN and I don’t care who I have to step on to get there!”

She: still on the ground, “Ouch! You stepped on my finger! … Do it again!”

It went on from there, us switching back and forth for awhile until finally we walked away into our glorious future of Miss America and beyond with me hobbling in my 6 inch painful heels.

I also had an incredibly crappy scene where where the audience gives us a task, gives each of us an emotion and then we have to switch emotions back and forth while the scene is taking place. It went really badly and I’m still not sure if I can give any of the blame to my partner, but I don’t think so! I started with possessiveness, and all I kept doing was narrating my emotion. It was really bad. We were making pizza. “It’s MY pizza!” “That is MY dough!” It was so horrible.

His emotion was egotistical and we switched a couple times. “I am the best pizza maker!” I couldn’t think of anything else to say! Then he forgot which emotion to switch to and switched to “pushy.” He started ordering me around and I just looked at him really confused. I couldn’t remember where he’d started from so I didn’t know if I should say something egotistical or possessive. I have rarely had a scene fall so FLAT.

““

We had a melodrama scene where our goal was to act melodramatically, our task was to watch paint dry, and our opening line had to be, “What time is it?”

We both stared at the imaginary wall between us and the audience watching paint dry, and then in an intense voice, I asked my partner, “What time is it?!”

He: full of energy and excitement, “You know what time it is, It’s THAT time!”

Me: “It’s THAT time?!”

He, “YES! Let’s DO IT!”

Me: “YES,” flinging my arms wide and looking off into the distance, “Let’s go SAILING!”

He: “oh”

Our teacher interrupts and tells him that since he didn’t give me any information about what we were doing, he’s stuck with the information I added. He says that he was giving me a suggestive suggestion, seeing what I would do with it, and playing disappointed on purpose as part of the scene. She tells us to continue.

He: “YES! Let’s DO IT!”

Me: “YES, since I’m not ovulating right now, Let’s go SAILING!”

Class: ha, ha , ha ;) :)

Then, quite melodramatically, we talk about how much we love sailing and how BEAUTIFUL it will be on the bay, but we have to watch out for those PIRATES! They will tell us to walk the plank! They will be scurvy! He huddles in fear behind me. I am brave but scornful of my worm like husband. He switches roles to play the pirate!

Me: I pull out my imaginary sword “I will fight you!”

He: Puts down his imaginary sword “I don’t fight ladies!”

Me: “What do you do?”

He: puts his arm around my waist, in a very piratey voice says”I’ll take you back to my ship and take you to my quarters!”

Me: breaking out of pirate talk,”Honey! I told you I’m not ovulating!”

The end

It was great practice for learning to switch emotions and attitudes quickly. After class, when we were talking, I was more aware of my manner and the habitual emotion/attitude that I have when I interact with people. It was really interesting to notice that it IS a habit!

Later in the week, I was feeling sad, I had talked to my mom on the phone. I got another phone call and thinking it was her, I answered with a glum, “hello.” It was a friend calling to give me free concert tickets! I felt really embarrassed about my glum hello and perked my voice up to my habitual cheerful attitude. It was interesting to notice the instant shift!

The interaction between attitudes and emotions is interesting. I was still sad, but could act cheerful. I didn’t want to feel sad anymore and I had to talk some things out with a couple people to actually feel better, but I could act with a different attitude right away, and the perkier attitude did help me on the path to feeling better.

Link:

I like the article titled “Attitude is Everything” by Ryan Eliason. 

Have you heard the saying, “Attitude Is Everything”? While attitude might not really be “everything”, it is the single most significant determining factor of success in many situations. Here’s how it works:
Change your attitude and you automatically change:
1. your perspective
2. the way you interpret things
3. the decisions you make
4. the actions you take
5. the results you get
…
People tend to think of an attitude as being simply positive or negative. However, there are infinite possibilities such as: warm, friendly, confident, determined, unstoppable, silly, playful, easy-going, outrageous, peaceful, open-minded, compassionate, optimistic, and all of their negative counterparts. You can ultimately become very creative and experiment with different attitudes for different situations, which will lead you to being more powerful and effective….

Here’s the problem. We often think it’s hard or impossible to change our attitudes, so we don’t try. ..

We also tend to think of our attitudes as part of our identities. We think, “It’s just the way I am.” We tend to think of our personalities as static things….

While our personalities, and the attitudes that go with them, may appear to be somewhat static, they only appear that way because we keep making the same choices (often unconsciously) over and over again, moment to moment. The truth is that you can change “who you’re being”, and you can change your attitude, at any moment.

To read his tips for shifting your attitude, check out the full article at his site.
I learned some of the same ideas for changing attitudes that he mentions and have tried several of them. A few years ago I wanted a more playful attitude and I experimented by asking myself, “What is funny in this situation?” I also put myself in a playful setting by taking an improv classes.

A few months ago I watched the movie Sicko by Michael Moore and it brought back old memories. I was in the pre-med program during my first three years of college and was very excited about becoming a doctor. One long story later, I changed my direction and got out of the pre-med program. For a few years I wondered if I should have gone to medical school, but eventually I lost the desire to work in medicine, and in recent years I didn’t even remember, on a felt level, why I ever wanted to be a doctor.

In Sicko, when Michael Moore was interviewing a doctor in England, I got a feeling I haven’t had in years. I felt that old desire to be a doctor! It was such a surprise to feel that again and to know that it is still a part of me. It also made it more clear to me why I changed paths. I realized that if medicine in the US was like it is in England or France, where a doctor can really just focus on caring for patients, then I might have continued on that path.

The first part of this clip shows the interview with the British doctor.

I don’t want to go back and finish my studies to be a doctor, (right now, anyway) because I’m in a different place in my life and I don’t want to make that kind of time commitment and, I have found other things that I also love doing. But it is cool and surprising to rediscover parts of myself.

Have you had that happen recently? Have you been reminded of something you loved?

Last night I was in improv, which is a current well-remembered desire. And we played a game that included us making a gesture, everyone coping us, and everyone making up their own meaning for the gesture.

It was fun and satisfying to see people make the same gesture I had made and interpret it in their own way. I really like that! It’s funny how small the components of my satisfaction can be. And I remembered that deep satisfaction I get from choreographing dances! It’s one of the coolest things I have ever experienced- seeing a dance in my head, teaching it to people, and seeing them act it out. That is something I want to pursue again.

If you have any ideas about how an unschooled choreographer can get a group of would be dancers together and get a venue to perform, let me know!

Do you have any old flames that you’d like to bring back into your life?

Let us know! Maybe someone has a good idea for you.

It’s very informative and I can see many blunders in the people around me, but the authors said to focus on evaluating myself. Oh.

It turns out that I have a LOT to learn about making first impressions! After reading this book, I’m surprised that I have any friends at all! It’s really highly informative and I think it will be useful, but it’s also overwhelming.

I’m going to avoid the temptation to list everything that I could improve, that might be banal and provide more detail than you would like to hear.

Also, it might be construed as complaining. According to the book, complaining is seen as the most boring type of conversation. Complaining even provokes hostility because it involves

“the boring person’s violation of a norm that prohibits ‘the wholesale boredom of others.’”

I would tell you more about what is in the book, but as a good conversational partner, I now want to hear about YOU! YOU! fabulous YOU! I am completely interested in, and can’t wait to hear, what you have to say. (It’s true!)

Ok, your turn! What do you think about me and what I had to say?

My answer begins with who you should marry:

I think it makes sense to marry someone you are crazy about, someone who lights up your life and twinkles your toes, and is a decent person who treats people kindly, who is willing to work on a relationship, and who has goals that are compatible with yours.

So, if things aren’t going well and you think maybe you want out, should you call it quits? I have three answers for you:

1. YES

I think that if people are in abusive relationships, they ought to get divorced RIGHT AWAY! Don’t try and fix it! Get thee out!  The hard part is, what is abusive? That can be a trickier to answer than you would think when you are in a relationship and much easier to see when you finally get out.

If someone hits you, sexually abuses anyone, or in any other way degrades your soul, then I would JUST LEAVE (make you sure you research how to do it safely if you are worried about the other person hurting you- make your safety your highest priority.)

2. MAYBE

I just read on the Divorce Busting site that 1/3 of the marriages ending in divorce are abusive. That means 2/3’s aren’t.
If you are not in an abusive marriage, and you never felt twinkly about the person you are with, and you don’t have kids, I just don’t know. My only advice is that you do everything you can to improve the relationship and even if you decide not to try and keep your marriage alive, at least do everything in your power to be a true friend to the person you married.

I think that if you do decide to get divorced even after you make every effort to improve your relationship, the thing that will comfort you is that you have a healthy relationship of some kind and that you treated and continue to treat the other person very well. (And who knows, you might find that you can create a very satisfying relationship with the person you are with after all.)

3.Do Your Best To Save Your Marriage

If you once felt twinkly about your partner, if the person just annoys the hell out of you, you have lost interest in them, if you feel repeatedly rejected because they have lost interest in you, if you no longer find sex satisfying or any other host of problems- but they are not abusive, and especially if you have kids,

Then I would say do EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING in your power to make it work.

I’m thinking about this right now because I stumbled across the site: Divorce Busting and while I am very, very glad that divorce exists for anyone in abusive relationships, and I HIGHLY recommend high tailing it out of there (you can be so much happier when you are with someone who treats you well, you won’t even believe it), there are many people whose families are torn asunder who probably could have mended things if they had just known how. That is really tragic.

I really wish some of my friends, and my friend’s parents had access to this information back in the day.
Especially interesting articles from the site:

1.  The Walk Away Wife Syndrome
2. Hopefully Ever After 
3. He Must Be Teething

Then I said I had to go because I had an improv class. She said, “What, you can’t even prioritize talking to me on the *phone*?” “No!” I said. Then we both said, “Bye, I love you.” Because neither of us wants to leave with bad words in case one of us dies before we talk again.

Oooh I was irritated all the way to improv class. I needn’t have worried, because it’s easy to be happy in improv and tonight was especially funny. The theme of the night was “Yes, AND…” There are all kinds of “Yes, and” games. The idea is that someone throws out an idea, and WHATEVER it is, you agree with it and add information. (It’s very much like dancing.)

Say you have a scene where you are in a bank and your partner says, “I love that ballarina outfit you’re wearing!” You don’t say, “I’m in a bank, why would I be wearing a ballerina outfit?” You say… anything that agrees with their reality. “Oh thank you! I love the tights, but do you think the tutu is too much?” Or…”Yes, darling, it’s intermission at Swan Lake and I have just enough time to cash my latest honorarium if you wouldn’t mind letting me just tip toe ahead of you in line.”

You even “yes and” offerings that you find sort of repulsive. “Didn’t you used to date George Bush?” “Yep, we went out for a couple months. We met in rehab.”

It was an especially funny night, I was glowing from the laughter, and as I was driving home my mind turned back to the argument. I imagined answering some improv friend’s questions about my fight with my mom: “Yeah, I think that if she had just said. ‘Yes! That’s a great idea! It would be so awesome to get together with all of our family! I love that idea. We could even rent a boat or something!’ Then I would have been happy. Then we could talk about ways to make it happen and find out if it might or might not work….”

“Yeah, good point, I could have yes-anded her too. ‘Yeah, you’re worried that it’s just not going to happen and you want me to be happy about whatever amount of time I do get. Yeah, I hear you, you don’t want me to be disappointed.’ True, I could have said something like that. And I often do, when I’m in a more mature mode. Plus I know I toss out what sound like wild ideas to my sometimes cautious mother and I have empathy for where she is at and her concerns for me. But, come on, I wanted one month a year, so I’d already brought my suggestion down to what I thought was crazy reasonable before I said it!”

My imaginary improv friends lost interest at this point. Rude.

Now you know how to respond to me when I tell you an outrageous idea.

Just tell me that you like my tutu and leave it at that.