improv

Let’s see… real life stuff:

After taking my car (which was running just fine) for a check up in preparation for a road trip to the mechanic today, and paying $500 to get a new… something… plus new hoses, clamps, a light, and stuff, I drove my car home and now my car will not make it around the block. It has died. I am very sad. It was only 20.

Because my car died, I missed my farewell dinner with my improv group. I called them and told them I couldn’t make it. They did not cry. I could hear happy eating noises in the background.

I called the mechanic who said my car’s unexpected death probably has nothing to do with what they did to it today but he knows some towing companies I could call if I want to get it towed in and have them take a look at it. He said I could pay for that.

I decided that what I would do is get in bed and cry. Then make dinner, then maybe walk the half hour to my improv class.

While I was eating dinner, someone from my improv class called me and said they were worried because I hadn’t made it to class yet.

I was so embarrassed that I immediately jumped up, put on my coat, grabbed my keys, and headed out the door thinking that I would walk so fast that they wouldn’t know I had just left when they called.

As I was walking down the street a white car drove by and made a quick turn around near me. It was the woman who had called me. I panicked and lied and told her I was just walking to the grocery store to get ice-cream, but sure, I would go to improv with her instead. No, I didn’t hear her message, I was just walking out the door when I heard the phone ring. La, la, la… (I know, I know, you don’t have to tell me, I still feel guilty about it.)

We got to improv. I was very embarrassed. I lied again and told everyone I had been abducted by pirates and then escaped and had been abducted by bandits and that’s where I was when my improv friend saved me. I couldn’t believe no one called me on it.

The class was really fun and I only felt embarrassed once when someone looked at me funny and I wondered if she could tell I had been crying. On the other hand, I never wear make up and my face without make up is similar to the pasty and puffy look I get when crying, so maybe I was safe.

When class was getting ready to end, the guy next to me threw his arm over me and said, “Don’t go!” It was sweet. I think he likes me.

My improv friend drove me home and I said she could drop me off at the grocery store so I could get ice-cream. I did. And then I was abducted by pirates, but they said I could still write in my blog.

The end

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Anther improv story from last week. Our improv class is SO funny and I almost never remember exactly what was so funny. Ok, one more fun scene:

Emotion switching. We were stuffing a pinata. I started with chavaunistic, he started with schitzophrenic (I don’t know how to spell either of those.) It is really hard to play a scene with a schizophrenic! He kept saying he was going to go over there, no he wasn’t, he was going to come back over here. He kept moving and talked in short, clipped sentences, He hated this! He loved it!

I stood proudly with my hands on my hips. I opened my mouth to speak several times, but he was still being schitzophrenic all over the place. When I got a chance to break in, I made a bold and loud pronouncement, “Only people with breasts stuff pinatas!”

I was still in my bold pose. I wasn’t sure what else to say. Ok, I’m a chauvinist. Am I a girl of a guy? What I just said didn’t make any sense did it?

Ok, it’s my turn: be manly, “Go stuff the pinata!”

Then a laugh burst out of my closed mouth and spit flew everywhere. I covered my mouth and tried to stop laughing. Then I thought, oh what the heck and went with it. I pretended to cry. Then I laughed, cried, laughed. Looked over my shoulder, “What did you say?” Then I looked down at myself and said with surprise, “Hey! I have breasts!”

He put his hands on his hips and said with disdain and arrogance, “Go stuff the pinata!”

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AYE ye scurvy pirates! I had a couple really fun scenes in improv last week.

An emotion switching game:

This time I started with masochistic and my partner started with ambitious.

Me: “Cinch up my dress, tighter, tighter! Ouch! MMM! Oh!! I can almost feel my ribs cracking!”

She: “With this dress and my skill as a coach, we are going to win the pageant for sure!” bending down to the floor. “Now which shoes do you want? The one inch heels, the three inch heels, or the 6 inch stilettos?”

Me: “The six inch stilettos!”

She: “They are going to really squeeze your toes, we don’t want this interfering with your ability to walk, we need to win!”

Me: “Squeeze me into those shoes! OH! That really hurts my toes! MM!”

She: Getting pricked by something as she puts on me shoes “Ouch! OH!!”

Me: starting to walk around her, hobbling in my painful shoes. “I’m going to WIN and I don’t care who I have to step on to get there!”

She: still on the ground, “Ouch! You stepped on my finger! … Do it again!”

It went on from there, us switching back and forth for awhile until finally we walked away into our glorious future of Miss America and beyond with me hobbling in my 6 inch painful heels.

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AYE ye scurvy pirates! I had a couple really fun scenes in improv tonigh

I also had an incredibly crappy scene where where the audience gives us a task, gives each of us an emotion and then we have to switch emotions back and forth while the scene is taking place. It went really badly and I’m still not sure if I can give any of the blame to my partner, but I don’t think so! I started with possessiveness, and all I kept doing was narrating my emotion. It was really bad. We were making pizza. “It’s MY pizza!” “That is MY dough!” It was so horrible.

His emotion was egotistical and we switched a couple times. “I am the best pizza maker!” I couldn’t think of anything else to say! Then he forgot which emotion to switch to and switched to “pushy.” He started ordering me around and I just looked at him really confused. I couldn’t remember where he’d started from so I didn’t know if I should say something egotistical or possessive. I have rarely had a scene fall so FLAT.

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AYE ye scurvy pirates! I had a couple really fun scenes in improv tonight.

““

We had a melodrama scene where our goal was to act melodramatically, our task was to watch paint dry, and our opening line had to be, “What time is it?”

We both stared at the imaginary wall between us and the audience watching paint dry, and then in an intense voice, I asked my partner, “What time is it?!”

He: full of energy and excitement, “You know what time it is, It’s THAT time!”

Me: “It’s THAT time?!”

He, “YES! Let’s DO IT!”

Me: “YES,” flinging my arms wide and looking off into the distance, “Let’s go SAILING!”

He: “oh”

Our teacher interrupts and tells him that since he didn’t give me any information about what we were doing, he’s stuck with the information I added. He says that he was giving me a suggestive suggestion, seeing what I would do with it, and playing disappointed on purpose as part of the scene. She tells us to continue.

He: “YES! Let’s DO IT!”

Me: “YES, since I’m not ovulating right now, Let’s go SAILING!”

Class: ha, ha , ha ;) :)

Then, quite melodramatically, we talk about how much we love sailing and how BEAUTIFUL it will be on the bay, but we have to watch out for those PIRATES! They will tell us to walk the plank! They will be scurvy! He huddles in fear behind me. I am brave but scornful of my worm like husband. He switches roles to play the pirate!

Me: I pull out my imaginary sword “I will fight you!”

He: Puts down his imaginary sword “I don’t fight ladies!”

Me: “What do you do?”

He: puts his arm around my waist, in a very piratey voice says”I’ll take you back to my ship and take you to my quarters!”

Me: breaking out of pirate talk,”Honey! I told you I’m not ovulating!”

The end

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I had two interesting unintentional attitude experiments last week. I went to an improv class and the theme was emotions. While we were playing a scene, someone from the audience would clap, say, “Stop!” and call out an emotion. Then we had to start talking again from the exact sentence we were speaking while embodying a new emotion.

It was great practice for learning to switch emotions and attitudes quickly. After class, when we were talking, I was more aware of my manner and the habitual emotion/attitude that I have when I interact with people. It was really interesting to notice that it IS a habit!

Later in the week, I was feeling sad, I had talked to my mom on the phone. I got another phone call and thinking it was her, I answered with a glum, “hello.” It was a friend calling to give me free concert tickets! I felt really embarrassed about my glum hello and perked my voice up to my habitual cheerful attitude. It was interesting to notice the instant shift!

The interaction between attitudes and emotions is interesting. I was still sad, but could act cheerful. I didn’t want to feel sad anymore and I had to talk some things out with a couple people to actually feel better, but I could act with a different attitude right away, and the perkier attitude did help me on the path to feeling better.

Link:

I like the article titled “Attitude is Everything” by Ryan Eliason. 

Have you heard the saying, “Attitude Is Everything”? While attitude might not really be “everything”, it is the single most significant determining factor of success in many situations. Here’s how it works:
Change your attitude and you automatically change:
1. your perspective
2. the way you interpret things
3. the decisions you make
4. the actions you take
5. the results you get
…
People tend to think of an attitude as being simply positive or negative. However, there are infinite possibilities such as: warm, friendly, confident, determined, unstoppable, silly, playful, easy-going, outrageous, peaceful, open-minded, compassionate, optimistic, and all of their negative counterparts. You can ultimately become very creative and experiment with different attitudes for different situations, which will lead you to being more powerful and effective….

Here’s the problem. We often think it’s hard or impossible to change our attitudes, so we don’t try. ..

We also tend to think of our attitudes as part of our identities. We think, “It’s just the way I am.” We tend to think of our personalities as static things….

While our personalities, and the attitudes that go with them, may appear to be somewhat static, they only appear that way because we keep making the same choices (often unconsciously) over and over again, moment to moment. The truth is that you can change “who you’re being”, and you can change your attitude, at any moment.

To read his tips for shifting your attitude, check out the full article at his site.
I learned some of the same ideas for changing attitudes that he mentions and have tried several of them. A few years ago I wanted a more playful attitude and I experimented by asking myself, “What is funny in this situation?” I also put myself in a playful setting by taking an improv classes.

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Has this ever happened to you?

A few months ago I watched the movie Sicko by Michael Moore and it brought back old memories. I was in the pre-med program during my first three years of college and was very excited about becoming a doctor. One long story later, I changed my direction and got out of the pre-med program. For a few years I wondered if I should have gone to medical school, but eventually I lost the desire to work in medicine, and in recent years I didn’t even remember, on a felt level, why I ever wanted to be a doctor.

In Sicko, when Michael Moore was interviewing a doctor in England, I got a feeling I haven’t had in years. I felt that old desire to be a doctor! It was such a surprise to feel that again and to know that it is still a part of me. It also made it more clear to me why I changed paths. I realized that if medicine in the US was like it is in England or France, where a doctor can really just focus on caring for patients, then I might have continued on that path.

The first part of this clip shows the interview with the British doctor.

I don’t want to go back and finish my studies to be a doctor, (right now, anyway) because I’m in a different place in my life and I don’t want to make that kind of time commitment and, I have found other things that I also love doing. But it is cool and surprising to rediscover parts of myself.

Have you had that happen recently? Have you been reminded of something you loved?

Last night I was in improv, which is a current well-remembered desire. And we played a game that included us making a gesture, everyone coping us, and everyone making up their own meaning for the gesture.

It was fun and satisfying to see people make the same gesture I had made and interpret it in their own way. I really like that! It’s funny how small the components of my satisfaction can be. And I remembered that deep satisfaction I get from choreographing dances! It’s one of the coolest things I have ever experienced- seeing a dance in my head, teaching it to people, and seeing them act it out. That is something I want to pursue again.

If you have any ideas about how an unschooled choreographer can get a group of would be dancers together and get a venue to perform, let me know!

Do you have any old flames that you’d like to bring back into your life?

Let us know! Maybe someone has a good idea for you.

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In my recent quest to learn everything I can and finally be totally perfect and have a wonderful life! I’m reading: First Impressions: What you don’t know about how others see you by Ann Demarais and Valerie White.

It’s very informative and I can see many blunders in the people around me, but the authors said to focus on evaluating myself. Oh.

It turns out that I have a LOT to learn about making first impressions! After reading this book, I’m surprised that I have any friends at all! It’s really highly informative and I think it will be useful, but it’s also overwhelming.

I’m going to avoid the temptation to list everything that I could improve, that might be banal and provide more detail than you would like to hear.

Also, it might be construed as complaining. According to the book, complaining is seen as the most boring type of conversation. Complaining even provokes hostility because it involves

“the boring person’s violation of a norm that prohibits ‘the wholesale boredom of others.’”

I would tell you more about what is in the book, but as a good conversational partner, I now want to hear about YOU! YOU! fabulous YOU! I am completely interested in, and can’t wait to hear, what you have to say. (It’s true!)

Ok, your turn! What do you think about me and what I had to say?

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My mom is (very happily) married to her 4th husband, so even though I am single, I have seen a lot of different types of marriages up close and I feel that I am highly qualified to answer this question. (Just kidding, I think everyone is highly qualified to answer this question. That’s why I asked! :)

My answer begins with who you should marry:

I think it makes sense to marry someone you are crazy about, someone who lights up your life and twinkles your toes, and is a decent person who treats people kindly, who is willing to work on a relationship, and who has goals that are compatible with yours.

So, if things aren’t going well and you think maybe you want out, should you call it quits? I have three answers for you:

1. YES

I think that if people are in abusive relationships, they ought to get divorced RIGHT AWAY! Don’t try and fix it! Get thee out!  The hard part is, what is abusive? That can be a trickier to answer than you would think when you are in a relationship and much easier to see when you finally get out.

If someone hits you, sexually abuses anyone, or in any other way degrades your soul, then I would JUST LEAVE (make you sure you research how to do it safely if you are worried about the other person hurting you- make your safety your highest priority.)

2. MAYBE

I just read on the Divorce Busting site that 1/3 of the marriages ending in divorce are abusive. That means 2/3’s aren’t.
If you are not in an abusive marriage, and you never felt twinkly about the person you are with, and you don’t have kids, I just don’t know. My only advice is that you do everything you can to improve the relationship and even if you decide not to try and keep your marriage alive, at least do everything in your power to be a true friend to the person you married.

I think that if you do decide to get divorced even after you make every effort to improve your relationship, the thing that will comfort you is that you have a healthy relationship of some kind and that you treated and continue to treat the other person very well. (And who knows, you might find that you can create a very satisfying relationship with the person you are with after all.)

3.Do Your Best To Save Your Marriage

If you once felt twinkly about your partner, if the person just annoys the hell out of you, you have lost interest in them, if you feel repeatedly rejected because they have lost interest in you, if you no longer find sex satisfying or any other host of problems- but they are not abusive, and especially if you have kids,

Then I would say do EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING in your power to make it work.

I’m thinking about this right now because I stumbled across the site: Divorce Busting and while I am very, very glad that divorce exists for anyone in abusive relationships, and I HIGHLY recommend high tailing it out of there (you can be so much happier when you are with someone who treats you well, you won’t even believe it), there are many people whose families are torn asunder who probably could have mended things if they had just known how. That is really tragic.

I really wish some of my friends, and my friend’s parents had access to this information back in the day.
Especially interesting articles from the site:

1.  The Walk Away Wife Syndrome
2. Hopefully Ever After 
3. He Must Be Teething

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I got in a rare argument with my mom last night. I threw out the wild and crazy idea that our family could get together and have a reunion every year for a week. She said that it was ok to want that but not to expect that to happen. I said that I thought getting together for *ONE* *WEEK* a year didn’t seem like an outrageous thing to expect and if my family couldn’t prioritize that amount of time for me then maybe they were more like acquaintances than family and I would get my own other family!

Then I said I had to go because I had an improv class. She said, “What, you can’t even prioritize talking to me on the *phone*?” “No!” I said. Then we both said, “Bye, I love you.” Because neither of us wants to leave with bad words in case one of us dies before we talk again.

Oooh I was irritated all the way to improv class. I needn’t have worried, because it’s easy to be happy in improv and tonight was especially funny. The theme of the night was “Yes, AND…” There are all kinds of “Yes, and” games. The idea is that someone throws out an idea, and WHATEVER it is, you agree with it and add information. (It’s very much like dancing.)

Say you have a scene where you are in a bank and your partner says, “I love that ballarina outfit you’re wearing!” You don’t say, “I’m in a bank, why would I be wearing a ballerina outfit?” You say… anything that agrees with their reality. “Oh thank you! I love the tights, but do you think the tutu is too much?” Or…”Yes, darling, it’s intermission at Swan Lake and I have just enough time to cash my latest honorarium if you wouldn’t mind letting me just tip toe ahead of you in line.”

You even “yes and” offerings that you find sort of repulsive. “Didn’t you used to date George Bush?” “Yep, we went out for a couple months. We met in rehab.”

It was an especially funny night, I was glowing from the laughter, and as I was driving home my mind turned back to the argument. I imagined answering some improv friend’s questions about my fight with my mom: “Yeah, I think that if she had just said. ‘Yes! That’s a great idea! It would be so awesome to get together with all of our family! I love that idea. We could even rent a boat or something!’ Then I would have been happy. Then we could talk about ways to make it happen and find out if it might or might not work….”

“Yeah, good point, I could have yes-anded her too. ‘Yeah, you’re worried that it’s just not going to happen and you want me to be happy about whatever amount of time I do get. Yeah, I hear you, you don’t want me to be disappointed.’ True, I could have said something like that. And I often do, when I’m in a more mature mode. Plus I know I toss out what sound like wild ideas to my sometimes cautious mother and I have empathy for where she is at and her concerns for me. But, come on, I wanted one month a year, so I’d already brought my suggestion down to what I thought was crazy reasonable before I said it!”

My imaginary improv friends lost interest at this point. Rude.

Now you know how to respond to me when I tell you an outrageous idea.

Just tell me that you like my tutu and leave it at that.

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I’m starting a new feature called Joy Points. I’m doing this program called Wired for Joy and one of our assignments this week is to collect 100 joy points. 100! In a week! How joyful do they want us to be, anyway? :)

I’m already feeling more joyful (first day of new week of class) which I think attests to the power of focus. I want to remember and help myself focus on these joyful moments. So, I’m going to write the joy points that stand our for me from the day.

For yesterday night and so far today:

Last night

Improv class: I’m funny. This may come as a shock, but it’s true. And I love being quick and delightful and having it be in a setting where that is the definition of successful, with other people who want to play with me. 10

Unexpected visitor: last night I heard a cat crying outside our apt near midnight. I opened the door and it ran in. I had NO food, and it was hungry, but after playing and exploring, it came to bed and curled up happily right next to me. I was amazed that the playful teenage kitten would be so still. It seemed very contented and I was happy it was so happy to lay there with me. Sweet little guy. 1

Today

“Lovely, lovely, lovely” My exercise buddy came over this morning and after we did yoga, he started playing around with garage band. He recorded a little guitar music and then we sang to it, making it up as went along. I was irritable from major lack of sleep (the rest of the kitten story), but when we listened to what we had recorded, we just kept laughing. At one point, he sings, “Lovely, lovely, lovely” It was hilarious. 3 Click here to listen to Lovely, lovely, lovely

When I stepped outside to get groceries this afternoon, the stormy sky had a mix of gray and blue and was magnificent. 1

At the grocery store, I was enjoying buying my loads and loads of vegetables. I am really enjoying cooking, which is near miraculous. And I felt happy to pick non-packaged food out and be getting ideas about delicious things to make with it all. YUM! 1

My mom sent me a package today. She sent a sweet Valentine’s card in it. She sent $20 for me to buy flowers with. I am in a Valentine’s mood and have belatedly hung hearts on our front door. (I don’t care if it’s cheesy) I’m going to put out my orange, purple and red heart patterned welcome mat, and I’m going to spend ALL of that money to buy myself flowers at the Farmer’s Market on Sunday. Thanks, mom. 2

I wanted to listen to music, clicked on Pandora and wasn’t logged in so it asked me for which song I wanted to base a new station on. “Crap” I wrote. (Expressing my dismay about not remembering my password.) And it made me a station based on Crap! :) And it was good! Yeah, and it produced many joy points, especially when Utah Phillips accompanied by Anni Di Franko came on. 4

My mom sent some Mormon magazines along with the clothes and card she sent me. Sigh… Oh, mother. But I read a couple articles (she knows I’m a sucker for reading.) A couple of the articles were really sweet. 2

Writing about all these joy points in my blog and laughing at them again and listening to “Lovely, lovely, lovely” again. :) 3

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My mom is upset about the costly dental work I just had done that not only did not accomplish the objective of improving my bite, but left my previously pain free mouth with three tender teeth. I just figured I would cut my losses and move to Canada or France, but she thinks I should confront my dentist.

Here is her (slightly tongue in cheek at the end) letter she suggests I send:

Dr. Pat Patruchia xxxx
I came to you on xxx-xx-xx date and explained clearly that I needed my bite repaired. You should have explained to me that this was not your specialty and referred me to a bite specialist. But you didn’t; you told me that you could do this.

After spending 6 hours and $3000. in your office, not only is my bite problem not fixed but 2 other crowned teeth in my mouth that were previously fine are sensitive and often experiencing pain.

All I am asking is that you refund the $3000. I do not want to sue you but if I have to, I will. If I must pursue legal action it will be for more than this – it will also include the cost of repairing the other crowns, it will include my time, and it will include the cost of emotional damage to me, my mother, and my children and grandchildren down to the fourth generation.

Please respond within one week or I’ll be seeing you in court.

She has also consulted her dentist who thinks I did not get good treatment. (Yes, I got a recommendation to go to this dentist, but who really knows with dentists!)

My mom hopes I’m not mad at her for obsessing about my teeth. I’m not mad. She tells me that my great-grandma obsessed about my grandma’s teeth, who got unsuccessful caps on her previously beautiful front teeth, my grandma obsessed about my mom’s teeth- making her display her teeth as she told strangers how well her overbite had been fixed, and now my mom is obsessing about my teeth. I’m not mad, I’m glad she cares.

Teeth are so personal. They are so omnipresent in our consciousness when they are uncomfortable. The ironic thing is that I was blessed with really great teeth! They were white, they were cavity free, they were straight enough, but a series of small mistakes by dentists along the way has led to a situation like a bad hair cut where the hairdresser keeps cutting a little more off to even up the now way too short bangs, (or “fringe” for all my British readers (I like to pretend I have British readers).)

So pretty front teeth (I don’t want you to picture me all scraggly toothed) that don’t quite touch in the back, which is rather aggravating, especially after just spending $3000. Let us pray to the tooth fairy for pain free teeth that can chew, and a husband with Canadian citizenship.

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It’s very exciting.  Who I like:

Republicans:

John McCain- he knows what he’s doing and he is a good person with a solidly ethical record. If I wasn’t so set on voting for a Democrat, I might vote for him, which I could do in good conscious. I so hope he is the Republican nominee.

Huckabee- I’m guessing he wouldn’t make the best president because I doubt his policies would be effective and his social conservatism scares me, but I think he has the heart of a populist and is actually for the people which is a massive improvement over Bush.

I have to give a shout out to Mitt Romney. I don’t want him to be president, but I do think he is a nice person, and he is so good looking. ;)

Democrats:

Hillary Clinton- I trust her abilities. I think she can handle whatever comes along and she has a looonnnggg track record of very ethical, good hearted public service. She’s the smart kid in the room.

Obama- I was so set on Hillary that I finally had to look at Obama’s website to see what his take on the issues are. … Looks good, but lacks experience. I don’t know. With the troubled world right now, I still trust Hillary more in the seat of power, but I think it would be awesome if he was vice-president.

John Edwards is currently making me cry with his after caucus speech.  To be fair, I haven’t looked at Edwards’ policies.  For me, it is so exciting to think of having a woman or an African American man being president that I haven’t felt motivated to look into his policies, but I will. I’ll vote for who I believe will be the best president.

A change is gonna come and it is soo time for it. I’ll leave you with John Edward’s words: “Enough is enough. We are better than this.”

Damn straight.

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This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	6.4
Mind:	7.2
Body:	8.2
Spirit:	8.2
Friends/Family:	4.3
Love:	2.1
Finance:	6.3
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Wow, I can’t believe my life rated well enough to give advice! I’m up from a year ago.

After taking the quiz, they said my rating was above average and asked me to give words of advice! That is a request I cannot resist.

Think about it:

I have really thought about what makes me happy and I’ve tried to implement those things. I’ve also tried to accept my weaknesses and work with how I am. For instance, TV is not a thing that makes me happy in the long run, but when I have it, I get addicted. So, I don’t get cable. My mind is much more relaxed since doing this and I have way more time for actual fun.

Healthy habits:

I write in my journal almost everyday. This helps calm my mind down.

Finances for the middle class:

I have a steady job which I don’t love but it is nice to have steady money. (I’m working on getting a job I love.) It’s very stressful to be scrambling for money. I live well within my means so that I can save every month. I decide what feels luxurious for me so I get to feel rich while living simply. For me, it is a treat to be able to go to the grocery store and buy whatever I want with out checking for prices. This is real luxury for me that doesn’t actually cost me that much. I’m cheap in areas I don’t care about. For example, I am content to drive an old car which means no car payments and cheap insurance.

Relationships!

The best thing I’ve done for myself is to make good relationships a priority. I was happy to be able to honestly say that I have 6-10 good friends and that I have a close relationship with my family. That wasn’t always true for me.

Advice for people who need it:

I highly recommend making relationships a priority. If you are having trouble making friends or unsure where to make friends, here are two main ways you can start to improve that.

First, learn to take good care of yourself and start with small steps. For example, start doing things you like to do, even if it is on a small scale. You want to be a famous dancer? Turn on some music and dance around in your room. What does this have to do with relationships? Your level of happiness shows up and people will be attracted to you based on that happiness.

Sometimes it can be hard to learn to care for yourself if you weren’t raised that way. Just take one small step. Sometimes, even if you were raised well, it can be so easy to forget what you love and what makes you happy. It can also be easy to not take your preferences seriously. If you really feel so much happier when you go on a walk after dinner, GO ON THAT WALK! Your happiness is important.

Next, even before you have made yourself all happy and perfect, go out and find some people to be with! Your personal balance and maturity and the health of your relationships are intertwined and you need to pursue both.

Two good places to meet people if you are feeling shaky socially: churches and support groups. To put it plainly, these are places that will accept you even if you are socially inept and to be socially ept :) you need to be around people. To be socially ept, you also need to learn a lot of skills, so do some reading about relationships, take some classes, practice some skills, learn by observation. Avoid the pitfalls of seeming desperate (which can be hard if you are just coming out of seclusion - why support groups are helpful) also avoid the pitfall of arrogance. Really try on the belief that most people have something valuable to offer you.

Tip: If you are not religious, a good church to try is a Unitarian Universalist church.

Ps: I would have loved to read other people’s advice, but couldn’t find it. What’s your happiness advice?

PPS: Once again they scored me low in the friends and family department when I think that is one of the best things about my life. Shall I be punished for my unhappy childhood forever, internet quiz?

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Just head on over to Starling Travel and check out the couple who are bicyling around the world. Just seeing their smiling faces is worth the click.

Lately, I have been thinking about getting out into the world and living life more richly. My mom, who started sailing and running marathons in her late 40’s, is one of my role-models, as is Natalie over at Blaugustine who has just taken up juggling.

I began my latest foray into new adventures by taking an improv class. I started this Thursday and after getting a root canal in the morning, and working late, I was wayyyy too tired to go to a 2 and a half hour improv class. Sometimes, however, it’s never too soon to do more of what you want to do, even if you’re tired while you’re doing it. Speaking of doing more of what I want to do, I also went dancing on Friday night. I am a great dancer. (You heard it here first. ;)

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When I was looking for Fat is a Feminist Issue in a bookstore the other day, I saw a book called The Body Project. It was all about the history of teenage girls and their relationship with their bodies. I don’t know if you know any teenage girls well. I know girls at my church who seem to have escaped this detour from living, but I also know many girls including my cousin, including me as a teenager, who make the biggest project in their lives the reshaping and improvement of their bodies.

Grown women often do this, but some of them move on to improving other aspects of themselves, like their emotions or their social skills. This seems less shallow. But it is still approaching yourself as if you need to be fixed. So, instead of putting your energy into doing things that you enjoy, you put energy into making yourself better. It is a difference in orientation to yourself and to life. Are you in yourself, a subject that is living life, or are you viewing yourself, an object that needs to be better.

I think one of the basic questions is: Can I trust my own desires? If I do what I like, am I going to be ok? Don’t I need to monitor myself closely and then fix myself? Thinking anecdotally, I can group this difference somewhat by gender. Most self-help books seem to be directed at women. I can picture men playing sports and climbing mountains and women counting calories and measuring their thighs. This is a sad state of affairs. I don’t know how accurate that stereotype is. Picturing some men who don’t work at self-improvement, I realize that the urge to fix yourself is not all bad. ;) Maybe the best way to live is with balance, introspecting and focusing on the outer world.

I thought of this post because my vision is wavering, as if I’m looking at one of those ambivalent pictures where you can see two different things depending on where you focus; like a square popping in or out. I feel an urge to get into life more! Blame it on Spring, if you want. As many women know, dieting can actually be energizing, especially in the planning stages. Anything that makes you feel in control of your destiny can feel good. In the end though, that feeling of getting into life fades when you make your body your project, because it ends up feeling more like getting ready for life than living it. I’m taking my urge to do something and shifting it to where I need more balance: doing something fun. I’m going to take up a couple activities I’ve been wanting to do for awhile, including improv! I hope this post helps someone who needs it to see the other picture. I welcome your thoughts.

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This is an interesting test. It says my mind and spirit are doing remarkably well considering my dismal social life. I think it was a pretty good quiz, except I think they used my small family against me, because I would rate my family life higher. The romantic love section is sadly accurate, even optimistic. The finance and body are also about right. I’m going to give my friends and family section a hardy 7, for lots of love with room for improvement, and up my overall score to a 7. (Come on finance and love!!)

Via: It’s all one thing.

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	5.8
Mind:	7.3
Body:	5.9
Spirit:	8.6
Friends/Family:	4
Love:	2.1
Finance:	3.6
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

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Barbara Sher would like this study. Years ago she came up with the idea that people didn’t need to improve them selves to get what they wanted in life, they just needed a team. This study from San Diego State University: Social Rejection Impairs Self-Control, adds empiracle evidence to that idea.

“Because these were lab experiments, we know that the rejection causes this breakdown in self-control – and not the other way around,” said SDSU Psychology professor Jean Twenge, whose extensive work in the area of social rejection has also helped to better understand acts of violence and aggression. “So there is some truth to the popular image of people eating cookies and ice cream after a break-up. They also won’t want to get up from the couch to do anything challenging.”

Categories: Well Being, Health, Science, Links

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My friend Laura just reminded me that I have fallen off the face of the blogosphere lately. For some reason, when I blog, I tend to think a lot about blogging and there are other things I like to think about. For instance, my family. My Granddad has been in town visiting and he has Alzheimer’s. Everybody with Alzheimer’s is different and my granddad has amazingly kept his wit, his silliness and his sweetness. He does occasionally forget who we are. He forgot his old car I was loading my stuff into. “Granddad, you gave me this car.” “I wouldn’t have just given someone a car would I?” “Well, you made me pay you a dollar.” “Isn’t it funny, that car doesn’t even look vaguely familiar…” “It will in a minute.” I said. The back was up and I thought he would remember the car when he saw the bumper sticker with the name of his hometown on it. I slowly closed the back of the car. “Oh!” he said and tried to smile as he started to cry, “Now I think I remember.”

Oh, my Granddad.

In other news, soon I will be starting school and I can not comfortably handle all this typing. It doesn’t help that I have the most unergonomic set-up ever. So, with my Christmas money, I am going to purchase Dragon Naturally Speaking version 8. I haven’t decided to get the pack that comes with a voice recorder or without. Everyone says the voice recorder it comes with is crappy. I think my life and my creative output will improve tremendously with my new gadget.

Speaking of gadgets, my Lucent Technology 1725 answering machine has died and I can’t get a direct replacement because someone else is now making that model. I happen to love gadgets and have bought some stinkers because of my craving. However, I made a really good decision when I decided to go with the expensive 1725. It was really a pleasure to use and I was thankful for it everyday that I used it. It just illustrates the heaven of good design. I mean, have you ever had something that you used daily that caused you minor daily frustration, don’t you come to hate or at least resent it? Oh how I loved my answering machine! It was so nifty! It was so easy to use, so sleek and so fun. Now, what will I do? Where will I go? How will anyone get a hold of me?

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This site has been up for two months and 10 days. The average unique visitors per day for the months were:

October - 7,

November - 15,

December - 8.

My goal: I’d like to have 50 unique visitors per day. The only problem with improving traffic is that it could become a full time job and it shifts the enjoyment factor from being about writing, drawing, singing to being about hits. Hmmm.. very puzzling. Nevertheless, I’ve been looking for ways to improve traffic and have once again come across Blogexplosion, a service where you search other people’s blogs in exchange for them searching your blog, and once again have decided not to join. Dave Pollard at How to Save the World has some tips I might use. Although, like other tips I’ve read about, some of his tips have me asking myself, “What is the point of this again?”

But still I search, and here is something from Greedy Girl about adding your RSS feed to Yahoo. I wish I understood what an RSS feed is.

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