Respectful of other people’s space, property, feelings, thoughts- appropriate boundaries

A willingness to work through problems and get over things

An ability to be light and playful and funny

A priority on relationships and family and friends, but mostly family, especially his girl

Knows himself, what he likes, what he doesn’t like. Is cool with that

Alpha male-ish - confident, comfortable with himself. Can get along socially in most situations. NOT trying to prove himself, comfortable just being who he is. Comfortable in his body. Comfortable with his thoughts and feelings. Does not have to go along with the crowd, but generally comfortable dealing with, hanging out with the crowd.

Wants a best friend for his partner and luvva and wife. Not into fantasies about some perfect ideal- wants a real woman. Wants to get to know me and what I think and what I feel.

Passionate. Loves kissing me and. Good kisser

Likes dancing with me. Willing to dance

Responsible- realize that he needs to work to create the life he wants- willing to do that. Has a plan. Wants to make sure he takes good care of his family. Gets that financial security is important and feeding the kids is important.

Also, wants to enjoy life and have a fun life. Willing to do what he needs to do to have that balance. Including not necessarily having the newest car, or the fanciest house. Takes responsibility for enjoying life and making the effort to do things he really enjoys.

Has made peace with the facts of life like age, death, change… that’s a big one to ask for… has relatively made peace with life. Is happy to be where he’s at in life. WANTS the things that come with the stage of life he is in. Is ready to enjoy where he’s at.

Really wants a family or at least is willing to have kids if I want them and when he has them, is in love with them and enjoys them. Kisses them, hugs them. Plays with them. Adores them. Is responsible. Takes care of their safety, like driving safely and noticing if they are sick.

Can do things, make things, figure things out like packing for a camping trip, or making dinner, or chopping wood for a fire. Is a can do, problem solver type of guy.

Is interested in things. Enjoys how interested in things I get. Enjoys my enthusiasms.

Is generous in his assessments of people, especially of me! It’s so nice to have someone interpret my actions generously.

Wants to get married and have a family- wants that in his life and knows why he wants that

Just generally knows what he wants.

Thinks I am hilarious.

We can have fun just shopping together, or hanging out at home, or cooking dinner together.

Occasionally does the wild romantic thing, although it doesn’t necessarily have to look romantic to others, but it is romantic to us.

He’s just a really, really decent guy, and he knows what he wants, and he’s willing to work to get what he wants, and one of the most important things he wants is to be with me.

—-
Ok, I want most of these qualities for myself too. I have some of them, but I’m still working on knowing exactly what I want (thus the list!), and as much as I want real love and a family, I AM afraid to commit. It’s scary to me! So, I need to work on this stuff, but this is the kind of guy I want, or someone who is close to it who is willing to be brave and is growing into this type of man. I’m being brave..
—-
Ummm.. if you know man like this WHO IS NOT TAKEN, (no funny business) please write to me.

What is this thin walled apartment dweller noise that I hear?

Dog sitting at my aunt’s house, I start wondering how many people I have lived with. I make a list…

Families:

Original mom and dad:

1.D
2. S

Then we moved to Hawaii:

3. T (lived with my dad’s mom for awhile)

Then my dad died and my mom moved back in with her parents and her little sister.

4.K
5. W
6. J

Then she got married to a man with five children and we moved to Utah

7. A
8. T
9. T
10. K
11. K

Then comes the part of my life which had the biggest impact on me feeling shuffled around, since I was baby sat a lot and went from house to house and had to fit win with so many different families. I’m not counting these people because I actually lived at home at the time. Actually, I don’t remember exactly how many families there were.

I remember the R__,s where the older boy tried to kiss me and the daughter gave me her nightgown and the family put ketchup on their eggs which I thought was gross.

I remember the other R__s who lived on our block and had 21 kids. Yes, 21. I fainted at their house once, slept in a bunk bed, and got in trouble once for going in the bathroom when all the boys were taking a bath- I didnt know they were in there!

And I remmber the W__s. the first family where the mom actually went to some effort to make me feel comfortable and talked to me about what I should call her, which I never knew when I was with other families. It was very sweet of her and I just now realize for the first time that she probably knew how to help me feel comfortable because she had foster children. She probably had training! That is so funny, that never occurred to me before. I spent the most time at her house. I ate all my meals there. Got bathed there. Slept there. Walked to school from there.

Then my mom got divorced and another single mom from the neighborhood moved in with us.

12. C
13. K
14. K
15. K

Then my mom got remarried to a man with 5 kids but only two of them lived with us

16. K
17. K
18. L

Then I “ran away” by becoming an exchange student. I lived with three families that year.

19. D
20. M
21. L
22. I don’t remember her name
23. L

24. D
25. M
26. B
27. S

28.D
29. M
30. B

Then I moved back home and my mom had moved in with the single mom who had lived with us before.

Then I want to college.

So, I lived with 30 different people by the time I went to college. Now the fun begins.

First year, awesome roommates:

31. J
32. L
33. T
34. A
35. D

2nd year:

36: weed smoking roommate
37. Cocaine snorting roommate
38. Showering with her boyfriend roommate

I move out, 2nd half of second year to move in with good roomies:

39. M
40. S
41. M

3rd year:

42. H
43. T
44. naughty girl
45. mean girl
46. girl who moved in when H and T moved out because of the mean girl

Then I moved out because of the mean girl

2nd half of 3rd year:

47. Roommate 1
48. Roommate 2
49. Roommate 3 (I forgot about roommate 3 until now!)

That summer I went to Vegas with my friend K to live. First I stayed with family friends:

50. S
51. B
52. A

Then I moved in with K and her friends

53. K
54. C
55. G

This is making me feel kind of sad. Ok, 21 years old so far, 55 people.

4th year of college:

56. A
57. T
58. M
59. H
60. The evil Nome

This year I should probably have moved out too because N. (aka the evil little Nome) began to hate me the 2nd half of the year because I started to date her guy friend and she was jealous. Argh! I had a woman like this with my first boyfriend too! ARG!

What did I do my 4th summer??? Oh yeah! This is when I met my friend M!

61. M (aka Minnow)
62. L (aka Lizard)
63. another roommate they didn’t like but I didn’t mind

5th year of college, moved in with friends, had a lot of fun:

64. S
65. S
66. Girl whose name I don’t remember
67. M
68. K
69. B

Summer. This summer I got over 50 college credits and a complete minor all in one summer. I also moved around a lot, purely due to thriftiness. I lived everywhere for free that summer. (What was my deal? I had enough my money to rent a place?! I had this insight at the end of that summer as well.)

First I lived with 6 boys:

70. Boy 1
71. Boy 2
72. Boy 3
73. Boy 4
74. Boy 5
75. Boy 6

I moved out, the free rent wasn’t worth it. Then I moved in with K and her sister ever so briefly, so I won’t count her sister. Then I moved into a place by myself. Then I moved in with M and her roommates.

76. Roommate of M

I can’t remember for sure if there were two, so for the purpose of conservative counting, I won’t count her. (I’ll amend if I remember for sure.) This is the summer when M and I started to have a tense relationship over “The Rules.” ARG! THREE people gave me a copy of that book, people. THREE! I don’t believe in burning books, but I was VERY TEMPTED.

Then I moved home to live with my mom. Then my aunt’s husband died and she asked me to move in with her and thus I moved to CA.

77. R

Then she got sick of me living with her and luckily one of my friends wanted me to move in with her at the same time.

78. L
79. D

Those were two of the most stable and well-getting along with roommate years that I had. Until D moved out to go to grad school. Then L and I had two weird roomies who took her place in rapid succession.

80. Roommate with red hair who said she could feel our fear
81. Roommate with snotty attitude. She was there so briefly I’m not sure if I should count her, but… she was there (unfortunately)
83. F- roommate who was fine.

Then L moved out. Then I moved back to Utah where I lived with my mom until she got married and I went to grad school. Her husband moved in with us for three months while they packed her stuff up, which I wouldn’t have counted as living together, but he counts it, so I’ll count it:

84. My mom’s sweetheart and husband, B.

Then I moved back to CA where I house sat for one guy, then house sat/roomed with his Boss:

85. C (she had anger issues but her house was great)

Then I made a mistake and moved in with:

86. A (a very pretentious and I think deeply troubled yoga “guru” actually named “P”)
87. Her boyfriend J
88. Her devotee C

Then I graduated from college and moved to a house while I looked for a job.

89. house mate
90. other house mate
91. Italian house mate

Then I moved in with my friend D while I was looking for a place.

92. D

[Oh, crappola. I forgot two people I lived with in Denmark! I don't want to change all these numbers! Ok:

+PLUS TWO people in Denmark (93, 94)

SHITE! Plus, I forgot that my Great Grandma lived with us my senior year of highschool:

+ PLUS M (95)

CRAP! I forgot there were two more girls the 2nd half of my second year of college.

+ 2 roommates (96, 97)

Oh dear me, I forgot about C and G's little boy the summer I was 21

+1 little kid (98)

Ok, back on track.]

Then I got a job and moved close to the work shuttle

99. J (extremely depressed roommate who had an abusive boyfriend. She eventually split up with him and transferred to another place.)

100. M! First sane and nice roommate since moving back to CA!

101. A. I was so excited to live with A, but that really did not work out.

Wow. 101 people (plus a few if you are more liberal with your criteria) … SHEESH

Maybe time to get my own place?

I got on the internet and researched natural remedies right away, of course.

I’ve found a few websites that talk about natural cures for cats. Some of the most doable recommendations from the site Animal Cancer:

1. feed them flax seed oil
2. feed them fish oil
3. provide wheat grass for them to nibble on

There is also an herbal remedy that seems like it might be good on this site.

Euphrates usually hangs out in the basement. I think he’s the low man on the totem pole out of our two cats and one dog. He is beautiful and regal looking. He gets a ruff around his neck in the winter.

He is a simple tabby, but his face is beautiful because he has three colors on it: yellow fur, a pink nose, and light green eyes. He likes to be held like a baby, loves to be loved, and will start drooling when you really love him up.

Send some good thoughts his way, please! I know he’s just a cat, but he’s part of our family and we love him.

But then comes this one redeeming week. So, The Bachelor, for the wise uninitiated, is this show where they take one guy and 25 women and week after week he whittles down the women from twenty five to one. Da, da, da! You can see how it is just the worst version of the Cinderella story ever. Why do I watch this crap?!

Oh yeah, this week. So, this week, he is down to four women and he gets to visit their families. I should really just watch “The Hometown visit” episodes. I guess what I like about these visits is that their families are always so important to the people. So, during the earlier shows, you see a lot of posing, a la high school, but when people go home, you can really see them being genuine and genuinely caring about their families. Also, their families usually look and act like normal people which is rare to see on TV. I just find it touching.

So, although I DON’T recommend the Bachelor. I do recommend this week’s home town date episode!! Look at the cute families! See how the one dad says that he married his best friend and that’s the best you can do. CUTE!

I want to find me my best friend. (said in a Colorada accent) Where are you best friend? I promise I won’t make you watch the Bachelor with me.

The Bachelor, episode 6. (Skip the earlier ones. They might make you hurl.)

Then I said I had to go because I had an improv class. She said, “What, you can’t even prioritize talking to me on the *phone*?” “No!” I said. Then we both said, “Bye, I love you.” Because neither of us wants to leave with bad words in case one of us dies before we talk again.

Oooh I was irritated all the way to improv class. I needn’t have worried, because it’s easy to be happy in improv and tonight was especially funny. The theme of the night was “Yes, AND…” There are all kinds of “Yes, and” games. The idea is that someone throws out an idea, and WHATEVER it is, you agree with it and add information. (It’s very much like dancing.)

Say you have a scene where you are in a bank and your partner says, “I love that ballarina outfit you’re wearing!” You don’t say, “I’m in a bank, why would I be wearing a ballerina outfit?” You say… anything that agrees with their reality. “Oh thank you! I love the tights, but do you think the tutu is too much?” Or…”Yes, darling, it’s intermission at Swan Lake and I have just enough time to cash my latest honorarium if you wouldn’t mind letting me just tip toe ahead of you in line.”

You even “yes and” offerings that you find sort of repulsive. “Didn’t you used to date George Bush?” “Yep, we went out for a couple months. We met in rehab.”

It was an especially funny night, I was glowing from the laughter, and as I was driving home my mind turned back to the argument. I imagined answering some improv friend’s questions about my fight with my mom: “Yeah, I think that if she had just said. ‘Yes! That’s a great idea! It would be so awesome to get together with all of our family! I love that idea. We could even rent a boat or something!’ Then I would have been happy. Then we could talk about ways to make it happen and find out if it might or might not work….”

“Yeah, good point, I could have yes-anded her too. ‘Yeah, you’re worried that it’s just not going to happen and you want me to be happy about whatever amount of time I do get. Yeah, I hear you, you don’t want me to be disappointed.’ True, I could have said something like that. And I often do, when I’m in a more mature mode. Plus I know I toss out what sound like wild ideas to my sometimes cautious mother and I have empathy for where she is at and her concerns for me. But, come on, I wanted one month a year, so I’d already brought my suggestion down to what I thought was crazy reasonable before I said it!”

My imaginary improv friends lost interest at this point. Rude.

Now you know how to respond to me when I tell you an outrageous idea.

Just tell me that you like my tutu and leave it at that.

*

I grew up with a hoarder and I couldn’t stand it! I was always embarrassed to have my friends over. I wasn’t allowed to throw popsicle sticks or plastic spoons away. Not only couldn’t we throw spoons away, my mom would actually bring home her used plastic spoons from restaurants. We had a whole drawer full of plastic spoons. We had 5 boxes full of rock salt filled with rabbit pelts that my mom was going to make into mittens someday.

I carried those 5 50 pound boxes in two different moves. I was opposed to them killing the rabbits I raised, opposed to saving ridiculous things we were never going to use, and opposed to the hard, meaningless labor of carrying the boxes. Grrr… (Hey, I just thought of something I could say in groups when the leader says to introduce yourself and tell people a fact about yourself that would surprise them!) We had a whole bunch of USED toothbrushes. I threw some of these away once and my mom got very upset with me.

If I lived in my childhood home now it would be fun to do a photo journal of all the strange stuff that we had. Very out of date medicine, old jars of canned tomatoes, piles of fabric, boxes of old game and puzzle pieces, closets full of old clothes, corners crammed with dead relatives furniture, one room just FULL of paper- literally piled to the ceiling with paper, including piles of charity solicitations with free address labels. My mom would keep all the paper work in case she wanted to use the free address labels or free cards they sent. Then she would send them money before she used them.

When I lived with my mom for a couple years as an adult, I made a deal with her that I wouldn’t touch the basement if the upstairs could stay clean. When I got particularly frustrated, I would throw everything that I thought was clutter over the banister down the stairs. (Don’t try this at home.)

I’ve read that hoarding is a reaction to loss and the hoarders in my family did have a lot of loss. It adds credence to the theory that when my mom got remarried she got rid of at least 2/3 of her stuff. It was amazing. It was like she was coming alive again and breaking out of some old tomb and throwing off the shackles of the paper and the unmatched game pieces! In reverse, my auntie, who I love, has become more and more ensconced in things since her husband died.

I love getting rid of things if I know they’ll have a good home. I take car loads and car loads of things to thrift stores. (I don’t shop much so I don’t know how I end up with carloads of things to get rid of.) I live in an apartment without much storage space, so when I decorated for Christmas, I just bought strings of lights at a thrift store for 50 cents and took them back after the holidays! And I love that no new things have to be manufactured when I buy them from a thrift store.

I keep things that are beautiful, useful, and/or happily sentimental. I love that I have distilled the objects around me so that everything I see in my room is something I love. (My roommate is a minimalist and probably thinks I’m a hoarder, so it’s somewhat relative.)

I did learn some good things from my mom’s hoarding behavior. I learned that random bits of junk can be useful in art projects. I think that thriftiness and ecology was tied into my mom’s hoarding behavior. She wanted to use everything and everything has a possible use. It’s like recycling. It’s important to me to recycle. I love composting although I don’t compost right now. (no yard).

I also would never throw useful things in the garbage that someone else could use. I’ve seen other people throw perfectly good CLOTHES into the garbage. GASP! No way. Someone could use that!! So, maybe the basic premise of the hoarder has been passed onto me, I just don’t feel the need to store the objects in my space when there are perfectly good libraries and thrift stores to do that job for me.

* Some of the flowers I bought myself with the flower money my mom sent me this Valentine’s Day with probably my favorite collage I’ve made n the background. Made at my mother’s house it is comprised of a bottle of glue I was going to use as glue, it was dried out though, so I cut it open and taped the glue and glue bottle to the collage, which I put in an old frame we had lying around.

Tags: hoarding, mom, family, thrift, recycling, grief

When asked about growing older, he said that he’s mostly a story teller not a philosopher, but he has had fleeting impressions about age, a few of which he still remembers. Once he thought suddenly, “I don’t want to leave the party.”

That is the exact thought I had when I was trying to figure out what I have against death. At the core of it, it’s that I don’t want to leave the party.

I never told you that I had a horrible, horrible experience this summer. A quiet but chilling experience that brought the reality of death to me. Not the reality of dying exactly, but the reality of the possibility of annihilation. I didn’t want to say it out loud in case it was catching.

It’s been quite a journey since then. At first I felt intense sob-producing fear. Then I felt various amounts of anxiety. Even during my recent trip to Tahoe, there was the cold reality of death nearby to come to mind whenever I wasn’t engaged in something else. While I was in Tahoe I thought, “I just wish I could forget about death!” Not forget that death exists, but to feel immortal like I used to, despite the evidence.

When I got home and was going through my mail I saw a promise from Shambhala magazine that they could teach me to be happier. Of course I read it. It said there were four basic teachings:

1. “Maintain an awareness of the preciousness of human life.” (Check.)

2. “Be aware of the reality that life ends; death comes for everyone. Life is very brief. If you realize that you don’t have that many more years to live and if you live your life as if you actually had only a day left, then the sense of impermanence heightens that feeling of preciousness and gratitude.” (check, ..um hmm?)

I haven’t laughed so hard since I’ve had a heightened sense of impermanence! I can promise that there are other responses besides gratitude to the keen awareness of the reality of death! I don’t know if anyone can relate to this making them laugh. Ahhh… It did make me feel better somehow. Like instead of mistakenly stumbling onto a horrible awareness, I am on some kind of path?? That could lead me to being happier? :)

The other thing that has made me feel better are the videos I found of my family. I watched a series of videos that my aunt put together with footage of my grandma. It was so good to see her. My mom called at 1 in the morning her time to say hi. I told her what I was watching. “That’s appropriate.” she said. “Grandma died 17 years ago today.” It was so nice to see my grandma. It made me realize how important relationships are- even though people die. They are still worth getting to know.

Maybe, like William Maxwell said, and unlike those goofy folks at Shambhala, there isn’t only the present moment. Maybe the past still exists in some way too, and all the love we have given and have been given is still here.

The other video I watched was of a party I had when I was 16. My friends were soooo beautiful! I’ve lost touch with many of them. I don’t know. Something about that video made me feel better. Maybe it made me realize that I’m not dying. I’m living. I’m still keenly aware that I will have to leave some day, but right now I’m still at the party! and I’m glad to be here.

1. They are meaningless or worse yet, they put energy towards negative ends.
2. They are boring and tedious.
3. They are stressful, often as a result of negative interactions with peers and co-workers. 

My job was mildly positively meaningful, very boring and tedious, and I had good relationships with my co-workers and my boss.  I did what ChikSentmehighee recommends in the face of a boring job. I studied each step intensively. I made the process hugely more efficient which eventually halved the hours my job took. My old boss was very appreciative of all my extra energy and initiative and rewarded me with interesting projects to fill up my newly freed hours, and flexibility on the job, including letting me work flexible hours. I worked near the people I was serving, so I was also appreciated by the people I was near. My job was still only mildly meaningful and still somewhat dull, but I put energy into it and was appreciated. When my boss quit a few months ago. I was moved to a new department. My new boss didn’t seem to appreciate the high quality work I did and the extra energy I put into my work, but she was quite peeved when I didn’t “follow her directives” which included checking in with her before I left my office (???) and other ridiculous rules that didn’t have anything to do with how well I could do my job.  She rewarded my efficiency with more dull and boring work to fill up the hours. Just what I always wanted! And also rewarded my self-motivating and self-starting work ethic with closer supervision and more rules.  I was also in a separate building from my main “customers” so I didn’t work near people who knew that I worked from home a couple hours on my day off to make their lives easier. After trying to work out better working conditions for myself, and getting no helpfulness from my boss, I gave a heap load of notice, and quit without a new job already in place. People say I’m brave. I read about the possible reccesion over the weekend and thought that I may be very foolish. ChickSENTmehighee thinks I  made a good choice though. He says,

“Perhaps the only choice is to quit as quickly as possible even in the face of severe financial hardship. In terms of the bottom line of one’s life, it is always better to do something that one feels good about than something that may make us materially comfortable but emotionally miserable.” 

Sometimes it helps to see it in print.Wishing you a great day with an emotionally healthy bottom line! I’m off to have an unemployed adventure!

Hmmm…. Maybe I should change this site to “Also a Gallavanting Monkey” “Gallavanting Monkey in Training”, “Soon to be a Gallavanting Monkey.”

Yesterday I ate a bag of M & M’s and then immediately afterwards, I had a cold. I didn’t have a cold, I was perfectly fine, I ate a normal size bag of M & M’s, I did have a cold.

Today I am practicing the art of forgiveness. My boss is giving me grief for leaving early yesterday. I want to be self-righteous in my head, but (here is the forgiveness) she is only doing her job. I should also practice truth. Here is the truth: I left because the equation of “nothing left to do today” plus, “have to walk down to my car and put more quarters in the meter” plus “my last day is soon, what are they going to do, fire me?” plus “It’s 2:00 and I haven’t had a chance to have lunch yet” all added up in my head to: walk down to my car, but don’t put coins in the meter, just drive home and eat lunch there, ’cause I have nothing left to do today and what are they going to do, fire me?

Where o where could the self-righteousness come in, you say? Well, I’m home sick today and still checking my work email and I called a Prof. to help her with her grading even though I will not get paid for my helping hours at home. So, I guess I feel like I am a good worker if not a good employee because I do get the job done and I don’t want to inconvenience anybody.

Bonus of the day: I’ve never actually talked to this particular prof. and she has an Australian accent! It really goes well with the blog I tore myself away from to call her! Also her name is Jenny which is cute and also she was really nice, which is cute, especially when I have a cold.