family

Suck. Our family cat has cancer. Euphrates has been looking too thin, and my mom took him to the vet. The vet said he had cancer, probably in his digestive system, and it is not very treatable. So… she’s going to let him sleep upstairs with them which he usually isn’t allowed to do.

I got on the internet and researched natural remedies right away, of course.

I’ve found a few websites that talk about natural cures for cats. Some of the most doable recommendations from the site Animal Cancer:

1. feed them flax seed oil
2. feed them fish oil
3. provide wheat grass for them to nibble on

There is also an herbal remedy that seems like it might be good on this site.

Euphrates usually hangs out in the basement. I think he’s the low man on the totem pole out of our two cats and one dog. He is beautiful and regal looking. He gets a ruff around his neck in the winter.

He is a simple tabby, but his face is beautiful because he has three colors on it: yellow fur, a pink nose, and light green eyes. He likes to be held like a baby, loves to be loved, and will start drooling when you really love him up.

Send some good thoughts his way, please! I know he’s just a cat, but he’s part of our family and we love him.

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Ok, when I started watching The Bachelor at the beginning of the season, I’m like, why am I watching this? And every time I watch, I feel like a sick, sick puppy who is only ingraining bad, bad ideas from this culture more firmly in my head.

But then comes this one redeeming week. So, The Bachelor, for the wise uninitiated, is this show where they take one guy and 25 women and week after week he whittles down the women from twenty five to one. Da, da, da! You can see how it is just the worst version of the Cinderella story ever. Why do I watch this crap?!

Oh yeah, this week. So, this week, he is down to four women and he gets to visit their families. I should really just watch “The Hometown visit” episodes. I guess what I like about these visits is that their families are always so important to the people. So, during the earlier shows, you see a lot of posing, a la high school, but when people go home, you can really see them being genuine and genuinely caring about their families. Also, their families usually look and act like normal people which is rare to see on TV. I just find it touching.

So, although I DON’T recommend the Bachelor. I do recommend this week’s home town date episode!! Look at the cute families! See how the one dad says that he married his best friend and that’s the best you can do. CUTE!

I want to find me my best friend. (said in a Colorada accent) Where are you best friend? I promise I won’t make you watch the Bachelor with me.

The Bachelor, episode 6. (Skip the earlier ones. They might make you hurl.)

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I got in a rare argument with my mom last night. I threw out the wild and crazy idea that our family could get together and have a reunion every year for a week. She said that it was ok to want that but not to expect that to happen. I said that I thought getting together for *ONE* *WEEK* a year didn’t seem like an outrageous thing to expect and if my family couldn’t prioritize that amount of time for me then maybe they were more like acquaintances than family and I would get my own other family!

Then I said I had to go because I had an improv class. She said, “What, you can’t even prioritize talking to me on the *phone*?” “No!” I said. Then we both said, “Bye, I love you.” Because neither of us wants to leave with bad words in case one of us dies before we talk again.

Oooh I was irritated all the way to improv class. I needn’t have worried, because it’s easy to be happy in improv and tonight was especially funny. The theme of the night was “Yes, AND…” There are all kinds of “Yes, and” games. The idea is that someone throws out an idea, and WHATEVER it is, you agree with it and add information. (It’s very much like dancing.)

Say you have a scene where you are in a bank and your partner says, “I love that ballarina outfit you’re wearing!” You don’t say, “I’m in a bank, why would I be wearing a ballerina outfit?” You say… anything that agrees with their reality. “Oh thank you! I love the tights, but do you think the tutu is too much?” Or…”Yes, darling, it’s intermission at Swan Lake and I have just enough time to cash my latest honorarium if you wouldn’t mind letting me just tip toe ahead of you in line.”

You even “yes and” offerings that you find sort of repulsive. “Didn’t you used to date George Bush?” “Yep, we went out for a couple months. We met in rehab.”

It was an especially funny night, I was glowing from the laughter, and as I was driving home my mind turned back to the argument. I imagined answering some improv friend’s questions about my fight with my mom: “Yeah, I think that if she had just said. ‘Yes! That’s a great idea! It would be so awesome to get together with all of our family! I love that idea. We could even rent a boat or something!’ Then I would have been happy. Then we could talk about ways to make it happen and find out if it might or might not work….”

“Yeah, good point, I could have yes-anded her too. ‘Yeah, you’re worried that it’s just not going to happen and you want me to be happy about whatever amount of time I do get. Yeah, I hear you, you don’t want me to be disappointed.’ True, I could have said something like that. And I often do, when I’m in a more mature mode. Plus I know I toss out what sound like wild ideas to my sometimes cautious mother and I have empathy for where she is at and her concerns for me. But, come on, I wanted one month a year, so I’d already brought my suggestion down to what I thought was crazy reasonable before I said it!”

My imaginary improv friends lost interest at this point. Rude.

Now you know how to respond to me when I tell you an outrageous idea.

Just tell me that you like my tutu and leave it at that.

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Laura over at Pick Me! posted about hoarding today. I started to respond but it got so long that I decided to make it a post instead of a comment.

*

I grew up with a hoarder and I couldn’t stand it! I was always embarrassed to have my friends over. I wasn’t allowed to throw popsicle sticks or plastic spoons away. Not only couldn’t we throw spoons away, my mom would actually bring home her used plastic spoons from restaurants. We had a whole drawer full of plastic spoons. We had 5 boxes full of rock salt filled with rabbit pelts that my mom was going to make into mittens someday.

I carried those 5 50 pound boxes in two different moves. I was opposed to them killing the rabbits I raised, opposed to saving ridiculous things we were never going to use, and opposed to the hard, meaningless labor of carrying the boxes. Grrr… (Hey, I just thought of something I could say in groups when the leader says to introduce yourself and tell people a fact about yourself that would surprise them!) We had a whole bunch of USED toothbrushes. I threw some of these away once and my mom got very upset with me.

If I lived in my childhood home now it would be fun to do a photo journal of all the strange stuff that we had. Very out of date medicine, old jars of canned tomatoes, piles of fabric, boxes of old game and puzzle pieces, closets full of old clothes, corners crammed with dead relatives furniture, one room just FULL of paper- literally piled to the ceiling with paper, including piles of charity solicitations with free address labels. My mom would keep all the paper work in case she wanted to use the free address labels or free cards they sent. Then she would send them money before she used them.

When I lived with my mom for a couple years as an adult, I made a deal with her that I wouldn’t touch the basement if the upstairs could stay clean. When I got particularly frustrated, I would throw everything that I thought was clutter over the banister down the stairs. (Don’t try this at home.)

I’ve read that hoarding is a reaction to loss and the hoarders in my family did have a lot of loss. It adds credence to the theory that when my mom got remarried she got rid of at least 2/3 of her stuff. It was amazing. It was like she was coming alive again and breaking out of some old tomb and throwing off the shackles of the paper and the unmatched game pieces! In reverse, my auntie, who I love, has become more and more ensconced in things since her husband died.

I love getting rid of things if I know they’ll have a good home. I take car loads and car loads of things to thrift stores. (I don’t shop much so I don’t know how I end up with carloads of things to get rid of.) I live in an apartment without much storage space, so when I decorated for Christmas, I just bought strings of lights at a thrift store for 50 cents and took them back after the holidays! And I love that no new things have to be manufactured when I buy them from a thrift store.

I keep things that are beautiful, useful, and/or happily sentimental. I love that I have distilled the objects around me so that everything I see in my room is something I love. (My roommate is a minimalist and probably thinks I’m a hoarder, so it’s somewhat relative.)

I did learn some good things from my mom’s hoarding behavior. I learned that random bits of junk can be useful in art projects. I think that thriftiness and ecology was tied into my mom’s hoarding behavior. She wanted to use everything and everything has a possible use. It’s like recycling. It’s important to me to recycle. I love composting although I don’t compost right now. (no yard).

I also would never throw useful things in the garbage that someone else could use. I’ve seen other people throw perfectly good CLOTHES into the garbage. GASP! No way. Someone could use that!! So, maybe the basic premise of the hoarder has been passed onto me, I just don’t feel the need to store the objects in my space when there are perfectly good libraries and thrift stores to do that job for me.

* Some of the flowers I bought myself with the flower money my mom sent me this Valentine’s Day with probably my favorite collage I’ve made n the background. Made at my mother’s house it is comprised of a bottle of glue I was going to use as glue, it was dried out though, so I cut it open and taped the glue and glue bottle to the collage, which I put in an old frame we had lying around.

Tags: hoarding, mom, family, thrift, recycling, grief

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I’m listening to an interview on NPR with the late William Maxwell.

When asked about growing older, he said that he’s mostly a story teller not a philosopher, but he has had fleeting impressions about age, a few of which he still remembers. Once he thought suddenly, “I don’t want to leave the party.”

That is the exact thought I had when I was trying to figure out what I have against death. At the core of it, it’s that I don’t want to leave the party.

I never told you that I had a horrible, horrible experience this summer. A quiet but chilling experience that brought the reality of death to me. Not the reality of dying exactly, but the reality of the possibility of annihilation. I didn’t want to say it out loud in case it was catching.

It’s been quite a journey since then. At first I felt intense sob-producing fear. Then I felt various amounts of anxiety. Even during my recent trip to Tahoe, there was the cold reality of death nearby to come to mind whenever I wasn’t engaged in something else. While I was in Tahoe I thought, “I just wish I could forget about death!” Not forget that death exists, but to feel immortal like I used to, despite the evidence.

When I got home and was going through my mail I saw a promise from Shambhala magazine that they could teach me to be happier. Of course I read it. It said there were four basic teachings:

1. “Maintain an awareness of the preciousness of human life.” (Check.)

2. “Be aware of the reality that life ends; death comes for everyone. Life is very brief. If you realize that you don’t have that many more years to live and if you live your life as if you actually had only a day left, then the sense of impermanence heightens that feeling of preciousness and gratitude.” (check, ..um hmm?)

I haven’t laughed so hard since I’ve had a heightened sense of impermanence! I can promise that there are other responses besides gratitude to the keen awareness of the reality of death! I don’t know if anyone can relate to this making them laugh. Ahhh… It did make me feel better somehow. Like instead of mistakenly stumbling onto a horrible awareness, I am on some kind of path?? That could lead me to being happier? :)

The other thing that has made me feel better are the videos I found of my family. I watched a series of videos that my aunt put together with footage of my grandma. It was so good to see her. My mom called at 1 in the morning her time to say hi. I told her what I was watching. “That’s appropriate.” she said. “Grandma died 17 years ago today.” It was so nice to see my grandma. It made me realize how important relationships are- even though people die. They are still worth getting to know.

Maybe, like William Maxwell said, and unlike those goofy folks at Shambhala, there isn’t only the present moment. Maybe the past still exists in some way too, and all the love we have given and have been given is still here.

The other video I watched was of a party I had when I was 16. My friends were soooo beautiful! I’ve lost touch with many of them. I don’t know. Something about that video made me feel better. Maybe it made me realize that I’m not dying. I’m living. I’m still keenly aware that I will have to leave some day, but right now I’m still at the party! and I’m glad to be here.

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Last week I went for some bookstore therapy with a gift card in my wallet. I got some great books including “Finding Flow” by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (pronounced Chik-SENT-me-high-ee.) I find it to be a very encouraging book and it’s motivated me to get off my butookus and get some exercise the last few days. ChiksSENTmehighee also reassured me this morning as I woke up to my first newly unemployed Monday. He said that jobs are unsatisfying for three main reasons:

1. They are meaningless or worse yet, they put energy towards negative ends.
2. They are boring and tedious.
3. They are stressful, often as a result of negative interactions with peers and co-workers. 

My job was mildly positively meaningful, very boring and tedious, and I had good relationships with my co-workers and my boss.  I did what ChikSentmehighee recommends in the face of a boring job. I studied each step intensively. I made the process hugely more efficient which eventually halved the hours my job took. My old boss was very appreciative of all my extra energy and initiative and rewarded me with interesting projects to fill up my newly freed hours, and flexibility on the job, including letting me work flexible hours. I worked near the people I was serving, so I was also appreciated by the people I was near. My job was still only mildly meaningful and still somewhat dull, but I put energy into it and was appreciated. When my boss quit a few months ago. I was moved to a new department. My new boss didn’t seem to appreciate the high quality work I did and the extra energy I put into my work, but she was quite peeved when I didn’t “follow her directives” which included checking in with her before I left my office (???) and other ridiculous rules that didn’t have anything to do with how well I could do my job.  She rewarded my efficiency with more dull and boring work to fill up the hours. Just what I always wanted! And also rewarded my self-motivating and self-starting work ethic with closer supervision and more rules.  I was also in a separate building from my main “customers” so I didn’t work near people who knew that I worked from home a couple hours on my day off to make their lives easier. After trying to work out better working conditions for myself, and getting no helpfulness from my boss, I gave a heap load of notice, and quit without a new job already in place. People say I’m brave. I read about the possible reccesion over the weekend and thought that I may be very foolish. ChickSENTmehighee thinks I  made a good choice though. He says,

“Perhaps the only choice is to quit as quickly as possible even in the face of severe financial hardship. In terms of the bottom line of one’s life, it is always better to do something that one feels good about than something that may make us materially comfortable but emotionally miserable.” 

Sometimes it helps to see it in print.Wishing you a great day with an emotionally healthy bottom line! I’m off to have an unemployed adventure!

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I want to be a Galavanting Monkey and marry someone with deep goodness in his family roots. Pretty much, that is the main thing I want to create in this life: a clan with deep goodness at it’s roots. LOTS of love.

Hmmm…. Maybe I should change this site to “Also a Gallavanting Monkey” “Gallavanting Monkey in Training”, “Soon to be a Gallavanting Monkey.”

Yesterday I ate a bag of M & M’s and then immediately afterwards, I had a cold. I didn’t have a cold, I was perfectly fine, I ate a normal size bag of M & M’s, I did have a cold.

Today I am practicing the art of forgiveness. My boss is giving me grief for leaving early yesterday. I want to be self-righteous in my head, but (here is the forgiveness) she is only doing her job. I should also practice truth. Here is the truth: I left because the equation of “nothing left to do today” plus, “have to walk down to my car and put more quarters in the meter” plus “my last day is soon, what are they going to do, fire me?” plus “It’s 2:00 and I haven’t had a chance to have lunch yet” all added up in my head to: walk down to my car, but don’t put coins in the meter, just drive home and eat lunch there, ’cause I have nothing left to do today and what are they going to do, fire me?

Where o where could the self-righteousness come in, you say? Well, I’m home sick today and still checking my work email and I called a Prof. to help her with her grading even though I will not get paid for my helping hours at home. So, I guess I feel like I am a good worker if not a good employee because I do get the job done and I don’t want to inconvenience anybody.

Bonus of the day: I’ve never actually talked to this particular prof. and she has an Australian accent! It really goes well with the blog I tore myself away from to call her! Also her name is Jenny which is cute and also she was really nice, which is cute, especially when I have a cold.

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A: It made me want to visit Scotland again
B. It made me tear up

My Granddad was raised in Scotland til he was 5. We visited his cousin George there and I couldna’ understand a word he was sayin’. He and my Granddad got drunk and sang songs. I’ve never seen my Granddad drunk before or since.

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This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	6.4
Mind:	7.2
Body:	8.2
Spirit:	8.2
Friends/Family:	4.3
Love:	2.1
Finance:	6.3
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Wow, I can’t believe my life rated well enough to give advice! I’m up from a year ago.

After taking the quiz, they said my rating was above average and asked me to give words of advice! That is a request I cannot resist.

Think about it:

I have really thought about what makes me happy and I’ve tried to implement those things. I’ve also tried to accept my weaknesses and work with how I am. For instance, TV is not a thing that makes me happy in the long run, but when I have it, I get addicted. So, I don’t get cable. My mind is much more relaxed since doing this and I have way more time for actual fun.

Healthy habits:

I write in my journal almost everyday. This helps calm my mind down.

Finances for the middle class:

I have a steady job which I don’t love but it is nice to have steady money. (I’m working on getting a job I love.) It’s very stressful to be scrambling for money. I live well within my means so that I can save every month. I decide what feels luxurious for me so I get to feel rich while living simply. For me, it is a treat to be able to go to the grocery store and buy whatever I want with out checking for prices. This is real luxury for me that doesn’t actually cost me that much. I’m cheap in areas I don’t care about. For example, I am content to drive an old car which means no car payments and cheap insurance.

Relationships!

The best thing I’ve done for myself is to make good relationships a priority. I was happy to be able to honestly say that I have 6-10 good friends and that I have a close relationship with my family. That wasn’t always true for me.

Advice for people who need it:

I highly recommend making relationships a priority. If you are having trouble making friends or unsure where to make friends, here are two main ways you can start to improve that.

First, learn to take good care of yourself and start with small steps. For example, start doing things you like to do, even if it is on a small scale. You want to be a famous dancer? Turn on some music and dance around in your room. What does this have to do with relationships? Your level of happiness shows up and people will be attracted to you based on that happiness.

Sometimes it can be hard to learn to care for yourself if you weren’t raised that way. Just take one small step. Sometimes, even if you were raised well, it can be so easy to forget what you love and what makes you happy. It can also be easy to not take your preferences seriously. If you really feel so much happier when you go on a walk after dinner, GO ON THAT WALK! Your happiness is important.

Next, even before you have made yourself all happy and perfect, go out and find some people to be with! Your personal balance and maturity and the health of your relationships are intertwined and you need to pursue both.

Two good places to meet people if you are feeling shaky socially: churches and support groups. To put it plainly, these are places that will accept you even if you are socially inept and to be socially ept :) you need to be around people. To be socially ept, you also need to learn a lot of skills, so do some reading about relationships, take some classes, practice some skills, learn by observation. Avoid the pitfalls of seeming desperate (which can be hard if you are just coming out of seclusion - why support groups are helpful) also avoid the pitfall of arrogance. Really try on the belief that most people have something valuable to offer you.

Tip: If you are not religious, a good church to try is a Unitarian Universalist church.

Ps: I would have loved to read other people’s advice, but couldn’t find it. What’s your happiness advice?

PPS: Once again they scored me low in the friends and family department when I think that is one of the best things about my life. Shall I be punished for my unhappy childhood forever, internet quiz?

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ME: Did you like having our silly time today? Did you like our walk?

HIM: I saw … walky … and … (Starts giggling.)

ME: You saw a walky?

HIM: I will crush you.

Ohh… very good. Go read the rest of it!

Found via Dooce.

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British Columbia rocks. On the first day of our trip, we landed in adless Vancouver, as previously noted and then, following some crazy plan of my mother’s, we spent the next 6 plus hours in transit. We took three bus rides and a ferry to our hotel on Vancouver Island where we immediately fell asleep. The ferry ride was beautiful though, and I tried to keep a pleasant attitude towards her as this was the beginning of our TWO WEEKS together. (”Family vacation,” “two weeks” I wonder that the two phrases together did not give me a single moments pause before the trip started.)

Vancouver Island reminded me of Denmark because of all the people riding the bus, riding their bikes, and wearing rain gear. I miss bike paths.

Here are some of the pictures I took on our ferry ride back to Vancouver to board the cruise:

Finally a vista: what I had been longing for in my little urban life.

I was sick as a dog on the second day of our trip, but hey, look at the view!

Pulling into the dock.

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Not your first day on earth, but your first day out of your mother’s body on earth. That is your birthday.

Because memories are state dependent, I have been remembering some of my most depressing birthdays today. The one I remember the most today is my 18th birthday. My mom and I had moved into another family’s basement, who were friends of ours. Our carpet was plaid. There was sparkly sprayed-on stuff on the ceiling. We had dark wood paneling on all the walls, except for the wall that had the giant picture of a beach on it. No, this wasn’t in the 70’s, but it might have looked a little like a ghetto version of an Austin Powers movie.

I felt embarrassed by my lack of money often while I was growing up. But on that birthday I felt most embarrassed that my mom was throwing my birthday party. It was sort of like a little kid’s party, but it might have been fine if not for her serious miscalculation resting on the faulty premise that surprise = fun. I knew about the party. That wasn’t a surprise. I was helping to prepare for it. (Surprise might have something to do with fun if it gets you out of the preparation.) The big surprise was: I had invited all these people and none of them were coming! Surprise!

After about the 5th phone call that night saying someone couldn’t come, (I lie I can’t remember how many phone calls there were,) I talked to my friend K. She had been my friend since we were in 4th grade. Apparently we were in nursery school together. It was my 18th birthday. She said she couldn’t come to my 18th birthday party because her mom wanted her to stay home and get some things done. I was incredulous, I knew her nice mom, “Are you serious? But it’s my birthday! Ask her if you can just come for a little while!” I pleaded. Later she told me that she felt really bad doing that. Of course she did! That is not a fun birthday surprise! What was my mother thinking!

After everyone actually showed up, (much to my mixed emotions,) we played stupid games. At least that’s what the people-who-weren’t-really-my-friends-but-we-were-in-the -same-circle-of-friends-so-I-sort-of-considered-them-friends-and-invited-them-like -you-do-with-distant-relatives-when-you-invite-them-to-a -wedding-even-though-you- have-no-emotional-ties-whatsoever said. Then the cou de ta of humiliation: My big 18th birthday present from my family (ie: my mother.) If the party in it’s entirety wasn’t embarrassing enough, if it didn’t just emphasize that no matter how much I tried to pretend, I did not have a happy, well-to-do, or socially ept family, I then had to open my present in front of my friends. I wasn’t surprised, (and I don’t think at that point that they were either,) to find that my present was 18 pairs of socks, each one a different color. For years after that I wore those mustard yellow, purple, bright pink, or lime green socks when it was laundry day, or when I was walking around inside. I always put them on grudgingly. I’m very happy to say that none of those socks are with us now.

The whole party was worthy of being a scene in that one movie where the kid had a big fro, and lives in a small town. (Ever since I turned 25 I often can’t remember the precise words for things. That fits in with this post because that’s depressing too, and has to do with age.) I now find my mom’s presents charming, and she usually adds a check to the mix (that was weird) which helps. On this current birthday, my mom’s present was the only thing that was not depressing. Quirky seems cooler to me now that I am older. On my cat in the hat birthday card, she gave me a message in binary, hex and decimals. I told her I was tickled by her card. “Well, she said, “I just kept trying to think: what is special about 32?” It’s 2 to the power of 5, that’s what!

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Don’t get me wrong. I’m very glad I got a job and I think this is a great first job for me. The people are nice, really glad to have me, and there is a lot of growth potential in my job. Also, it’s awesome to be able to contribute in a valuable way to an organization and they are giving me enough leeway to do that. (I think. It’s only my second day, ok!) Also, I’m not going to go all Hammie Homemaker on you and tell you that I just want to stay home with the kids. (Just an expression, I don’t have kids.) Because it feels really good to create and be part of something bigger than yourself, and I always want to have that in my life

BUT

… I do want to stay home with the kids at least part of the time! And cuddle with them! It is the people that make life enjoyable for me, and meaningful! I want the people. Of course, I want the husband, and I really want the childrens, and I also want the friends and the extended family. I think I just want someone to come home to. I have so many great people in my life, but getting together with them takes coordinating. I’m missing personal connection right now. I’m the new kid on the block at work. Everyone is nice, but I’m feeling too shy to be fun. Ahhhh… I met a nice woman on the bus today. It’s weird. I’m in the same town, but I feel like I have a whole new life in some ways. I’ve met so many people in the last couple days. I was right about myself, I’m glad I didn’t move to a new time. Ok, time to stop rambling and set up my social schedule.

Goodnight, and Good luck!

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Hey all ya’ll! Just got back from my first day of work. Here is my advice to me and you. If you have additional advice, I’d love to hear it!

1. Make everything as convenient as possible: convenient haircut, under 10 minute meals, convenient transportation. Make it as easy on yourself as possible.
2. You work for you. Do your best job you can for your company, and remember to keep your list of accomplishments updated and to keep your eyes open for opportunity. Don’t misplace your loyalties. Don’t bond to an entity that can’t bond back, and while doing your best job now, remember your long term goals.
3. Choose your tasks with awareness. As set in stone as job descriptions sounds, there is usually some leeway to follow different paths. Sometimes women are used to being in support positions and helping someone else achieve their dreams, even at work. Make sure you take what leeway you have in your job to create. Be the architect of your own dreams.
4. Decide not only what you will do, but how you will do it. I like to ask myself, how can I make this fun? I realized today that for me it is fun to have friendly relationships at work. Asking myself, “How can I make this fun?” reminded me to seek out human contact even though I was feeling shy.
5. Add pleasure to your daily routine. Do you just love a certain author? Get the book on tape to listen to while you drive to work. Put a postcard size replica of your favorite painting up in your cubicle.

I don’t know how parents can take care of their kids and work full time jobs. Working parents of the world, I salute you. Future husband, please start doing something that you can earn enough money working part time at and still help support our future family. I’ll work on that too.

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Do you ever just feel so much compassion for people and our plight as humans? Me too. It’s a good thing we have movies to distract us! And TV, lots of TV! I’m writing tongue in cheek, but also being serious. So many people, (including me!) do things that I don’t approve of, like spend hours watching TV, but sometimes I just look at all of us and think, “whatever gets you through the night.” All I ask is that you take the Buddhist and medical oath approach and first do no harm. At their best, movies can serve as modern day sit-around-the-campfire stories that make life less raw and a little less scary by giving us all a pattern to observe and a connection to each other.

Some movies I might want to see

1. Isn’t this a Time?
2. Tristram Shandy: A Cock & Bull Story (R)
3. Bubble (R)
4. Cape of Good Hope (PG-13)
5. Christmas in the Clouds (PG)
6. Eight Below (PG)
7. The Family Stone (PG-13)
8. Last Holiday (PG-13)
9. Munich (R)
10. The New World (PG-13)
11. The Producers
    

Movies I certainly want to see

1. The Real Dirt on Farmer John (Not rated)
2. Syriana (R)
3. Transamerica (R)
4. Something New (PG 13)

Movies I have seen
This year I most highly recommend Brokeback Mountain. Please see it and be amazed at the universality of love.

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I’m loving reading my small list of regular blogs lately. I stopped looking at my stats and I feel much about blogging now. I just check in with my blogs and it feels like checking in with friends. (It literally is for several of the blogs.) I like to hear how everyone’s life is going. If you haven’t read Blaugustine lately, or ever, check it out. Natalie is telling about her life while showing paintings along the way. It’s like reading a moving novel. I wish the people in my family would do that. Oh, you know what it’s like? It’s like reading a novel in installments. There used to be cheesy novels published a chapter a week in our local newspaper. My friend and I could hardly wait every week to read those chapters. Maybe I will do what Natalie is doing someday.

Tonight I went to a wine tasting. It was a single’s event and there were more people I knew there than I was expecting. I don’t drink wine, (or milk, or orange juice or soda pop…) but that only came up a few times. I didn’t realize it would be a singles event for some reason. Anyway, I got a woman’s number, which is becoming a habit at theses things. I think she might hook up with one of my guy friends which would be really cool. She has a guy in another town she wants to set me up with. She said he is the kindest person she knows and everything about him sounded great until she said that he is “interesting” looking. That could be really bad. I can be attracted to a wide range of types, but they need to at least fall somewhere in the range of normal. So far, anyway.

An acquaintance that I saw there, who I heard has a crush on me, gave me some advice. He told me that I should get any kind of job I can while I’m looking for a job. That way I will really be able to interview employers and see if they are a good fit for me during the interviews. Making sure employers fit me is the same advice that Andrea gave me and I think it’s a good idea. I thought I would have to leave this town in a month if I didn’t get a job, but I don’t want to leave! So maybe I will just try and find a temp job. Another guy said that is how he got his job at a University I just applied to. He got work as a temp and then they just hired him! I know the same person who he knew who helped him get the temp job, so maybe that will work for me too.

In good employment news: I just got an email from a science group who want me to do some work for them. Yay! So, there will be a little more money coming in this month. That is a good thing. I feel comfortable where I live and I have had a social engagement every night this week and have something for the rest of the week. I like having something fun to do every night. It gives rhythm to these days that could otherwise stretch into boundaryless job searching.

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I was going to write a deep post about how sometimes people get overwhelmed with the problems in the world and don’t do the little things because they can’t do everything. But, I am on an unfamiliar computer and it took me forever to upload these pictures, so I’ll just get to introducing the cuteness that started these thoughts.

This is Pi. I found this little kitten outside on my mom’s picnic table a couple days ago. It is part of the posse of feral cats in the neighborhood, and we think it got abandoned because it was sick. My mom told me to get it out of the house immediately, but it had taken me 20 minutes to catch this wild cat and I wasn’t going to just put it back out in the cold. (It was very cold.) I took slow motion hunter like steps towards it until I was close and enough to reach out and grab it. I think I only caught it because it was sick. I brought it inside, and it was flattened out to the floor and scared. As you can see, it warmed up to me pretty soon. Pi was falling asleep in this picture.

I think I was there for it’s first human induced purr. I pet it’s back a couple times and it was like it’s motor started for the first time. It looked surprised. It started purring this loud purr that didn’t quit the whole time we had it. Eventually, after I started crying, my mom came around and let me keep it in the house and helped me find some people to help it. (I am a stranger in a strange land on Christmas vacation.) I don’t think this kitten had ever eaten food besides nursing so it took it awhile to eat the cat food and cream of wheat we gave it.

It was very happy to be held, and very sad if I ever left the bathroom where we kept it, (so it wouldn’t pass along whatever sickness it had to our cats). Sandy, the cat healer and rescuer, took it and assured me she would heal it up and then find Pi a home. Most of the animals we’ve had have been rescued and were/are part of our family. I hope Pi has a nice life. Whoever gets this playful and loving kitten will be lucky. Oh yeah, and just because you cannot save all the stray cats in the world doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try and save one.

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Emily Summerhays, one of the regular contributers to Feminist Mormon Housewives, introduces herself and writes a lovely article about being anonymous:

I am a proud member of my clan, and I have always wanted to do honor to my name. I would like to think that I have lived my life in a way that makes my family proud (or at least, not ashamed) to share my name. My father, in particular, always seemed so tickled when the accomplishments of his children would appear in some newspaper or another, and he never batted an eye when I did not change my name upon marriage. He raised his daughters (and his sons) to be strong, independent, thoughtful, and active—to do what we believe to be right, and do it with our heads held high. And so it was a great blow to me when my father said, upon my announcement that I would be participating permanently on FMH, “You won’t be using our name, will you?”

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A quiz result, but hey, I haven’t posted one in a while.

You are ‘Silent Night’! You really enjoy Christmas, and you like your Christmases conventional. For you, Christmas is about family and traditions, and you rather enjoy the rituals of going to church at midnight and turning off the lights before flaming the plum pudding. Although you find Christmas shopping frustrating, you like the excitement of wrapping and hiding presents, and opening a single door on the Advent Calendar each day. You like the traditional carols, and probably teach the children to sing along to them. More than anyone else, you will probably actually have a merry Christmas.
Take this quiz!

Found via Ministrare who is getting in the spirit.

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• I highly reccomend Prairie Home Companion. It is listened to by people all over the country every week. In my family it was a tradition to listen and I still listen to it. Not only do they have contemporary music, the show gives the real flavor of many types of average people in America. (You can listen to the archives online and listen to the current show Sat night and Sun morning.)
• In Utah I listened to KRCL. Because the DJs are all volunteers, they have an eclectic mix of music.
• NPR has a music show called All Songs Considered. They are also starting a new feature where they are podcasting their Open Mike which is a program which features unsigned artists. I haven’t listened to Open Mike yet. Their tastes are pretty current, so it might take some getting used to if you like the classics. In the archives, you can listen to the staff and listener picks for the best songs of 2004.

I sent these links to my proffesor. He was talking about music and media in class and how there isn’t much variety the public has access to. I thought to the contrary. I have to wonder about myself sometimes. At one point in the conversation I actually said “Now you sound like my Grandfather.” I don’t know why he brings out the feisty side of me!

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A list of wants that are buyable, ’cause my family keeps asking.

The big one, in descending order of cost

• Ecologically built house in a co-housing neighborhood by the mountains and the sea, in the country near a city, close enough that I can ride to it on a bike, or a train. :)
• Ecologically built house
• House
• Townhouse
• Condo
• Very small condo

Technology (may add specifics later)

• New computer! A tablet pc (sorry mac, but I want a tablet.)
• Printer
• Scanner
• Video camera
• Digital camera
• Voice recorder

More

• A combo CD player, tape player, and radio that has good quality sound and is fairly small.
• A tempurpedic mattress. (I have one of the pillows and I like it, but I think I need a softer one.)
• A softer tempurpedic like pillow.

I can live without but would be nice if you happen to win it in a contest

• New fuel-efficient, part-electrically powered car

Other car stuff

• Oil change
• General check up
• Air conditioning
• CD player for my current car
• Tape player for my current car

Services

• Training with Steve Andreas (seriously, I really want to take all these trainings.)
• Personal Sessions with Steve Andreas
• Personal Sessions with Connirae Andreas
• A haircut from Devachan salon or a certified Devachan hair stylist

Highest priorities from my Amazon wish list

• The Five Keys to Permanent Stress Reduction by Neil Fiore
• The Science of Fitness with Tamilee: I Want That Body! by Tamilee Webb -ok I couldn’t wait, I just bought this for myself today. A steel butt by Christmas! Actually, I did start using this over two years ago. I paused the video during the intro to look at Tamilee’s little half moon butt on the TV screen. I stared at it while thinking positive half-moon butt thoughts. She used weights during the piddly 15 minute work out. I was training for a marathon at the time and could not get through the whole 15 minutes even without weights! I swear to you that within 3 or 4 times of doing the video I lost 3 inches off my booty. And I did eventually get a perfect half-moon butt! It was amazing. Then I had to stare at my own butt in awe. A friend told me with true feeling in her voice that she loved my butt. I eventually moved to the longer Firm videos. Now my butt looks like a large ballooning doughy lump of dough, starting to dribble down the back of my legs (seriously, this all is more than I intended to write) and I don’t have the time or inclination to do the whole Firm videos anymore, so I’m going back to my half-moon roots. (Hey! If I ever start a production company, I can call it Half-Moon Productions! In honor of my booty’s glory days!)
• Making Friends with Death : A Buddhist Guide to Encountering Mortality by Judith L. Lief
• Writing Your Dissertation in Fifteen Minutes a Day: A Guide to Starting, Revising, and Finishing Your Doctoral Thesis by Joan Bolker
• City Comforts: How to Build an Urban Village, Revised Edition by David Sucher
• Creating Optimism : A Proven, 7-Step Program for Overcoming Depression by Alicia Fortinberry

You can find the cheapest online prices for books including shipping costs at Fetchbook.

Hair Products (Thank you to the great site Curly Links for the list)

• TRESemme Conditioners - Vitamin E Moisture Rich or Pro Vitamin B5 & Aloe Remoisturizing or Vitamin E & Aloe Colour Revitalizing
  
• Aussie Moist Conditioner
• Soft Sheen Carson Optimum Care Stay Strong Conditioner
  
• DevaCurl Conditioners
  Buy from NaturallyCurly.com’s CurlMart
  Buy from Devachan Salon

• TRESemme Smooth De-Frizzing Moisture Gel
• TRESemme Tres Gel Clean-Hold
• LaBella Lots of Curls Extra Hold Styling Gel

Surprises from the Heart

I have a friend who usually does not want anyone to give him conventional gifts. He thinks they are too commercial. He often gives handmade gifts and requests the same. For his birthday he asked for homemade gifts from the heart and got some great gifts. So, besides books, an ecologically built house, and styling gel, I would love homemade gifts or other gifts from your heart.

Most of the things I get complimented on were gifts from my gracious family. Their generosity is everywhere.

Merry (planning for) Christmas!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Want to create your own wishlist without all the copy and pasting? Here are some wishlist sites (untested by me.)

• The things I want
• Kaboodle
• Wishlist

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Wow, check out the rest of this refreshing take on belief by Penn Jillette on NPR.

Believing there’s no God stops me from being solipsistic. I can read ideas from all different people from all different cultures. Without God, we can agree on reality, and I can keep learning where I’m wrong. We can all keep adjusting, so we can really communicate. I don’t travel in circles where people say, “I have faith, I believe this in my heart and nothing you can say or do can shake my faith.” That’s just a long-winded religious way to say, “shut up,” or another two words that the FCC likes less. But all obscenity is less insulting than, “How I was brought up and my imaginary friend means more to me than anything you can ever say or do.” So, believing there is no God lets me be proven wrong and that’s always fun. It means I’m learning something.

Believing there is no God means the suffering I’ve seen in my family, and indeed all the suffering in the world, isn’t caused by an omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent force that isn’t bothered to help or is just testing us, but rather something we all may be able to help others with in the future. No God means the possibility of less suffering in the future.

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Hey, did I mention that the other day was my MOM’S BIRTHDAY?! I didn’t think so. Even worse, I haven’t sent her a present yet. If you see this, D, Happy Birthday!!! Your daughter loves you! :)

While I’m on the topic, I’ll just brag about my mom for a minute. Let’s see, she ran a 50 mile race this year, she came in second, which was disappointing, because last time she ran she came in FIRST!! She is brilliant and got a math scholarship to college, which she went to when she was 16. She sometimes does not think she is as brilliant as she is (see: “came in second” above.)

She is usually pretty quiet in group settings and people find her amiable and likeable. She can become fascinated with things like bugs and genealogy; she’s in touch with her inner nerd. She also has a very earthy side and likes to hike, run, and be outdoors. I know this sounds a little like a personal, but I’m sorry, she is already married. She is married to a semi-southern all gentleman who perfectly suits her. Whenever I think about him I just fill up with gratitude that they found each other. Thanks, B, for being my mom’s honey. Thanks Grandma and Granddad for having my mom.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

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This is an interesting test. It says my mind and spirit are doing remarkably well considering my dismal social life. I think it was a pretty good quiz, except I think they used my small family against me, because I would rate my family life higher. The romantic love section is sadly accurate, even optimistic. The finance and body are also about right. I’m going to give my friends and family section a hardy 7, for lots of love with room for improvement, and up my overall score to a 7. (Come on finance and love!!)

Via: It’s all one thing.

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	5.8
Mind:	7.3
Body:	5.9
Spirit:	8.6
Friends/Family:	4
Love:	2.1
Finance: