Are you interested in memory? Whenever I see ads for memory systems, I’m never interested. It looks incredibly boring and the processes themselves usually involve detailed information that I would need to learn and remember.

On the other hand, I have journaled for many years and let me tell you: I have learned the same things many times. It would have been simpler if I could have remembered some of what I learned the first time. Plus, looking back at my school days, it is kind of sad to realize that so much of that truly enriching knowledge that I learned with some effort does not belong to me anymore.

Apparently, there is a better way. Piotr Wozniak created software called SuperMemo that reminds you of what you have learned at just the right time. From Wired magazine:

SuperMemo is based on the insight that there is an ideal moment to practice what you’ve learned. Practice too soon and you waste your time. Practice too late and you’ve forgotten the material and have to relearn it. The right time to practice is just at the moment you’re about to forget. Unfortunately, this moment is different for every person and each bit of information. Imagine a pile of thousands of flash cards. Somewhere in this pile are the ones you should be practicing right now. Which are they?

Fortunately, human forgetting follows a pattern. We forget exponentially. A graph of our likelihood of getting the correct answer on a quiz sweeps quickly downward over time and then levels off. This pattern has long been known to cognitive psychology, but it has been difficult to put to practical use. It’s too complex for us to employ with our naked brains.

Twenty years ago, Wozniak realized that computers could easily calculate the moment of forgetting if he could discover the right algorithm. SuperMemo is the result of his research. It predicts the future state of a person’s memory and schedules information reviews at the optimal time. The effect is striking.

It kind of freaked me out when Piotr Wozniak, the inventor of SuperMemo, said that we will only be able to learn and remember a couple million new pieces of information in our lifetime. Panic! Must hurry and learn! Then he said, choose what is important to you to learn and I calmed down. Here is what is most important to me to learn and remember:

1. How to be happy
2. How to communicate and interact well and beautifully and kindly and lovingly and joyfully with other humans.
3. How to cook
4. How to make and participate in music
5. How to be healthy
6. How to dance
7. How to learn

I’m already fairly good at learning, and I’m good at finding information. I naturally use the reading method Piotr Wozniak suggests. (I read many books at the same time, coming back to each over and over. I agree that reading that way enhances creativity.) But even though I’m a naturally good learner, I forget a lot. This only really becomes obvious to me this when I look back and see what I used to know.

I downloaded some Supermemo like software, but it wasn’t a breeze to use. I’d like a way to email myself reminders about what I want to remember. I’ll let you know if I find something that works elegantly.

I had a lot to do and no particular place to go.

Reading about the election between Obama and McCain,

Was bringing my thoughts down and starting a pain in my brain.

Then I checked my funds online and my funds were running low.

That just brought me lower, but it gave me a place to go.

I decided to walk to the Union of Credit ’cause my gas tank was on “E”.

While I walked I tried to edit my thoughts ’cause they were crazy.

I thought “I got no house, no job, no kids, an old car;

The kind of jobs I can get, I don’t want.” Man, my thoughts were getting bizarre!

I was trying to calm my mind, trying not to look so grim,

When I walked by the shop, with the music that rocked, and saw a DJ with a spin.

Yeah, I saw a DJ, he was spinnin’

He was spinning, he was grinnin’

And I thought I’d walk right in.

He grooves seemed out of place

in that bustling business space,

But the smoothy buiness there

Didn’t seem to care.

They were giving away free smoothies,

Blastin’ music in the air.

I got my cold, acai and took my deposits to the Union.

When I walked back out, the music still was boomin’.

I looked to the left, I looked to the right,

I started boppin’ to the music, no other dancers in site.

I looked to the DJ and he bopped right along,

We smiled at each other as we nodded to the song.

I walked right home, cool air in my face

Sipping my smoothy, moving with grace.

Feeling clear in my head, good on the street

All because of some

DJ and his beat.

I can give you the simplest of all possible rules of thumb:

Any time a voice is talking to you that is not talking with love and compassion, DON’T BELIEVE IT!

Even if it’s talking about someone else, don’t believe it.

I’ve been experimenting with applying this and I think my head is becoming a happier place to be.

All I do is this:

If I notice a thought that is not compassionate, I say to myself, “You can think that, but I don’t have to believe it.” Its very freeing and the interesting thing is, often, when I say I don’t have to believe it, it’s not just an exercise, I find that I really don’t believe it!

Example: I was walking with a friend. She asked a couple if they knew what time it was. They didn’t look down at their wrists, the woman just looked at my friend, laughed and said, in what I thought was a snotty voice “NO.” “Bitch.” I thought. “You can say she’s a bitch, but I don’t have to believe it.” I said back to myself. I relaxed, the indignance went away. I realized, I don’t think she’s a bitch. She’s just a person.

When I write that out, it sounds simplistic to me. I mean, I can imagine arguing with that, “Yeah, maybe someone acting in what you thought was a snotty way in one moment in time doesn’t need to have the overall label of “bitch” applied to her, but there are evil people in the world.” Oh wow, my mind has really gotten into this habit, “You can think that, but I don’t have to believe it.” It says right back.

And you know, once again, I think that voice is right. There are just people. We all have dark sides to us. We all have deep angers, deep fears. Who knows what we would do in certain circumstances? Some people, it’s true, have a pattern of actions that does not make them safe to be around. I want them locked away until they can act in a manner that does not harm others. But I don’t want them to be tortured or hurt. I hope the best for them. I know we can all act darkly and I’ve had a different life, and different choices that have led me to not want to hurt people.

I have a lot of thoughts that aren’t the most compassionate on the planet about myself as well:

I want to go out and have fun. “No one is going to like you until you lose weight, so, lose weight and then go meet people.” “You can think that, but I don’t have to believe it.” says me right back to myself.

Wow, when I don’t believe that, guess how much enthusiasm to go out and do something fun suddenly bubbles up? In the past few days, I’ve gone from wondering how to meet people to having a flood of old interests come back into my brain. Suddenly there are so many things I want to do. So many ways to have really interesting and wholesome fun all around me. “You better lose weight first, get yourself together first, look perfect first…” “You can go ahead and think that, but I don’t have to believe it.” Says the girl who went salsa dancing last night and had a great time, says me right back to me.

This episode of “I WANT” brought to you by a person listening to rock music and the letter “I”

A few months ago I watched the movie Sicko by Michael Moore and it brought back old memories. I was in the pre-med program during my first three years of college and was very excited about becoming a doctor. One long story later, I changed my direction and got out of the pre-med program. For a few years I wondered if I should have gone to medical school, but eventually I lost the desire to work in medicine, and in recent years I didn’t even remember, on a felt level, why I ever wanted to be a doctor.

In Sicko, when Michael Moore was interviewing a doctor in England, I got a feeling I haven’t had in years. I felt that old desire to be a doctor! It was such a surprise to feel that again and to know that it is still a part of me. It also made it more clear to me why I changed paths. I realized that if medicine in the US was like it is in England or France, where a doctor can really just focus on caring for patients, then I might have continued on that path.

The first part of this clip shows the interview with the British doctor.

I don’t want to go back and finish my studies to be a doctor, (right now, anyway) because I’m in a different place in my life and I don’t want to make that kind of time commitment and, I have found other things that I also love doing. But it is cool and surprising to rediscover parts of myself.

Have you had that happen recently? Have you been reminded of something you loved?

Last night I was in improv, which is a current well-remembered desire. And we played a game that included us making a gesture, everyone coping us, and everyone making up their own meaning for the gesture.

It was fun and satisfying to see people make the same gesture I had made and interpret it in their own way. I really like that! It’s funny how small the components of my satisfaction can be. And I remembered that deep satisfaction I get from choreographing dances! It’s one of the coolest things I have ever experienced- seeing a dance in my head, teaching it to people, and seeing them act it out. That is something I want to pursue again.

If you have any ideas about how an unschooled choreographer can get a group of would be dancers together and get a venue to perform, let me know!

Do you have any old flames that you’d like to bring back into your life?

Let us know! Maybe someone has a good idea for you.

At times I’m reminded of the universes I used to live in and I’m sooo glad I live in a better universe now. But I vaguely sense even better universes that I want to live in, and I clearly long for much that I don’t have now. I feel very lucky to be where I am, but I want more and I want to be more! I want to be more skilled at living a rich and full and kind life. I especially want to be more skilled at loving people, and taking care of myself, and richly appreciating and connecting with people, and having fun.

I have discovered in my life, and so can attest, that building skills can significantly increase the quality of a person’s life.

One way I built skills several years ago was by taking NLP training from Anchor Point. I want to take more NLP training, and get guidance from someone kind, wise, and skilled in NLP. Here are a couple videos I saw online while I was surfing for NLP training:

A strategy for thinking about information that is presented in the context of a serious health problem:

Perception vrs Conception. He is talking about “sensory acuity” which is training yourself to really notice all kinds of external sensations. (Rather than just being in your head.) This video is an example of the clear ways of framing experience that were taught in NLP. My brain felt more clear after taking the training.

For those interested in NLP training

Caveat emptor: So much of what has been **learned in NLP has been incorporated into our disciplines about learning, performance, and therapy, but I don’t think NLP is the holy grail or anything. I am a thoroughly post modern chick taking everything with a grain of salt. I did find it very enlightening and effective though.

Here is a guide to selecting good training. (I thought the training at Anchor Point was excellent, but I’m not sure if they have a current training program.)

*I think it’s interesting how much variety, even within cultures, is in people’s experiences of life. It’s like we move in different universes, near each other, but without being able to fully sense or comprehend the worlds of those near us. We move in circles that have specific ways of communicating and looking at the world. I think there is a lot of variety even in circles very geographically near to us.

(And if you are having a very unpleasant experience of life, I feel fairly safe in saying that there is a better world somewhere nearby. I think physically moving to a new location can be useful and choosing kinder and more fun people is useful. I also think that increasing your own skills will automatically put you in a new universe; like being in another dimension. Sometimes, with new skills, you will be able to perceive the better world that is right where you are. I mean this in a completely practical and non-spiritual way, although it does feel pretty amazing.)

**NLP is a body of knowledge and it is also a methodology, called modeling, which is used for gaining knowledge.

Then I said I had to go because I had an improv class. She said, “What, you can’t even prioritize talking to me on the *phone*?” “No!” I said. Then we both said, “Bye, I love you.” Because neither of us wants to leave with bad words in case one of us dies before we talk again.

Oooh I was irritated all the way to improv class. I needn’t have worried, because it’s easy to be happy in improv and tonight was especially funny. The theme of the night was “Yes, AND…” There are all kinds of “Yes, and” games. The idea is that someone throws out an idea, and WHATEVER it is, you agree with it and add information. (It’s very much like dancing.)

Say you have a scene where you are in a bank and your partner says, “I love that ballarina outfit you’re wearing!” You don’t say, “I’m in a bank, why would I be wearing a ballerina outfit?” You say… anything that agrees with their reality. “Oh thank you! I love the tights, but do you think the tutu is too much?” Or…”Yes, darling, it’s intermission at Swan Lake and I have just enough time to cash my latest honorarium if you wouldn’t mind letting me just tip toe ahead of you in line.”

You even “yes and” offerings that you find sort of repulsive. “Didn’t you used to date George Bush?” “Yep, we went out for a couple months. We met in rehab.”

It was an especially funny night, I was glowing from the laughter, and as I was driving home my mind turned back to the argument. I imagined answering some improv friend’s questions about my fight with my mom: “Yeah, I think that if she had just said. ‘Yes! That’s a great idea! It would be so awesome to get together with all of our family! I love that idea. We could even rent a boat or something!’ Then I would have been happy. Then we could talk about ways to make it happen and find out if it might or might not work….”

“Yeah, good point, I could have yes-anded her too. ‘Yeah, you’re worried that it’s just not going to happen and you want me to be happy about whatever amount of time I do get. Yeah, I hear you, you don’t want me to be disappointed.’ True, I could have said something like that. And I often do, when I’m in a more mature mode. Plus I know I toss out what sound like wild ideas to my sometimes cautious mother and I have empathy for where she is at and her concerns for me. But, come on, I wanted one month a year, so I’d already brought my suggestion down to what I thought was crazy reasonable before I said it!”

My imaginary improv friends lost interest at this point. Rude.

Now you know how to respond to me when I tell you an outrageous idea.

Just tell me that you like my tutu and leave it at that.

One night a week at a track club: I like running every now and then- I especially like running fast and this track work out is dedicated to speed work.

Dancing: My favorite dance company in my town has moved closer to where I live and I want to take their classes. I’m a little nervous about facing fat prejudice. I love dancing and I have a natural aptitude for it. I hope I’ll be welcomed and not judged even though I bet I’ll have more fat on my body then other people in the class will.

*If you’ve ever faced prejudice, how do you deal with it? Do you call people on it? Do you ignore it and try to prove them wrong through your actions? Do you ignore it? There is so much fat prejudice in our society. I’m worried that it is especially bad in dance classes. Oh well. I gotta dance. I’m going anyway.

**By the way, if you love dancing and are fat, (ie: you have more fat on your body than you feel is socially acceptable) and are afraid to face the fat prejudice, I recommend salsa dancing and swing dancing. There are people of all different shapes there and people mostly just want a good dance partner. A fat safe place.

Wilderness training: I love camping and I haven’t gone camping in about 5 years now. Unheard of! I got a notice in my email for a ten week wilderness training course put on by the Sierra Club. Ten weeks of training and four camping trips to practice our skills! This class is what got the rat park ball rolling.

Writing group: I write almost every day. I have weird mixed feelings about going to a writing group.

*Fantasy: I imagine reading something and everyone exclaiming about how great it is. Afterwards, people come up to me and say that I should be in their smaller writing group, I should publish a book, they know a magazine editor- I should submit an article.

**What I don’t really want is any negative critique. I’m not sure why I’m less open to suggestion about my writing. I think I know when my writing is crappy or blah. What will be useful for me is having a regular time to meet with people every month and preparing writing to be read in public.

Music: I feel almost opposite about music as I do about writing. I don’t want an open mike night to perform at. I want a jam session and I’m open to LOTS of feedback.

2/25/08 Update: I have been taking the Wilderness course and I have been enjoying my time off. I’m blossoming out of the cage office and in my enriched natural environment. I’m glad I found this post which reminds me of so to add in some of the other activities I was excited about as well. Wishing you the oomph to change any cage like situations and get thee some more park like situations.

* Only exercise if I feel like exercising.
* If I feel like moving, let myself move! (I just discovered this one!)

These decisions are about noticing how I feel and completely trusting that what I want to do is alright. What would taste good to me? What do I really want right now? Do I want to lay in bed for an hour, or go on a walk in the park, or take a long hot shower, or do an exercise tape I haven’t done in years and then stop after 14 minutes, or go running and then sprint on some blocks juse for fun?

It’s a huge leap of faith! You mean, I could just eat whatever I want to?? Really? Me? :) And still be alive and stuff? And not weigh 300 pounds and stuff?

You mean, I could just, like, exercise when I want to?? And then like, lay around or dance in my living room if I want to? Like I’m just some kind of animal? ;)

Here I am deciding to let myself eat whatever I desire and move when, if and how I desire to. (Sounds very hedonistic no? Scary to inner puritan, no?) When I first made the decision to NEVER DIET AGAIN, about 2 years ago, I ate hot pockets everyday for about a month. Then I went through a licorice phase. I gained 25 pounds!

And then I eventually, blessedly, stopped obsessing about food.

I stopped eating more than I wanted to at parties because I knew, but really knew that I could eat more later if I felt like it. I stopped finishing all my chips if I wasn’t in the mood for chips, because I knew, I mean really knew that I could have more chips if ever I wanted to. I mean, it is amazingly freeing to stop obsessing about food. You of the long time dieters know how much brain energy goes into thinking about food. Imagine my relief.

You know which countries don’t have more depressed woman than men? The countries where women don’t diet.

But! You say, I don’t want to gain 25 pounds and have my arteries clogged with hot pockets! I know, I know, me neither. But I was even more sick of dieting or even being hyper alert about eating “healthy.” I made a full committment to never diet again whatever the results, and the results were not leading to many health goals at first, but strangely, I think this process of following my desires has now led me on a journey of having health and energy. Tune in tomorrow for the super secret of my success. Wait, that sounds too cheeky. Tune in tomorrow for the super secrets of my ordinary life of being fairly healthy and freeing up my brain to think about whatever I want to think about!