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The author of the Blue Zone has studied long living populations around the world and now has advice for YOU online.

The advice about living longer always says stuff like: have a close circle of loving and supportive friends and family, economic stability, close access to nature, and interesting work. OH BOTHER, close friends and family… well, I guess if it makes me live longer…

Well, duh. I mean, of course I want all those things!

The trick is GETTING those things. I’ve lived what is probably a third of my life and I’m still working on getting all that.

So, I am taking a few simple tips and from the site and putting them into practice:

1. Get rid of your full size plates and use 9 inch plates instead. OK! THAT I can do.
2. Put movement into your everyday life. This one is cheating ’cause I already do that. ;) Walking is pleasure and a perfect stress reliever for me. I’m going to try and boost this one by inviting friends to go walking with me more often.
3. And, I’m going to make more of an effort to go to church every week. I’m blessed to live 20 minutes away from a church with an amazing minister. I might as well take advantage of that.

What are three simple things you can do to live a longer and happier life?

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Only 9:11 and I’m crying already. I had to close the door to my office. I’m not crying about work though, I’m crying about my roommate telling me that “we are opposite in so many ways” and the implied meaning that I am not her favorite person in the world, and the how that ties in to the pattern that seems to be happening lately of me getting rejected (ejected?) from my old life.

I went from being valued at work and getting good reviews (while my old boss was here) to being disapproved of, undervalued, and feeling bad enough about it to quit. At church, I went from feeling like a part of a loving community to leaving due to actions of our lead minister and staff. Many other young adults left as well, and I left, no one kicked me out, but I still feel rejected/ejected. Also, there has been some kind of shift in my social circle and I feel like I am on the edge in some ways instead of in the middle where I like to be.

Today on the bus I imagined how I would feel if everybody approved of me. It would be such a nice feeling- I could relax and just be myself. I really take how much/many people approve of me as a measure of how well I’m doing as a person sometimes. I thought about it as I was walking from the bus to work, and I couldn’t shake the idea that if more people approved of me, it would mean that I really am better, I really am more ok.

Then I thought of my aunt, who I am a lot alike, and how much I enjoy her, how fantastic I think she is. My other aunt, her sister, often disapproves of her. She thinks she is too messy, too soft, not together enough etc… And when my aunt is around her sister, she does suddenly seem kind of bumbling, somewhat simpering, and whiny. But when I’m with her, she is hilarious, exuberant, smart, interesting, funny, and gorgeous. She is messy, but she is glorious, who cares!

I love both my aunts, and from the outside it is easy to see that my aunt who disapproves is just that way and that her disapproval is all about her preferences and ways of looking at the world. She is cleaner, more direct, more of the things we think of as “together” in our society. So? That’s her deal. My roommate has a similar personality to that aunt and I don’t disapprove of her, but I think she disapproves of me. I’ve been trying to get her approval, and I’m going to try to stop trying. It’s easier to see, looking at the mirror of my aunts, how any disapproval she feels for me is her own deal. It doesn’t mean I’m bad, and if I got her approval, it wouldn’t mean I’d be any better.

I have been disapproving of me lately. Aye, maybe thar’s the rub. Goal for today: list a few things I would feel proud of myself for, and do them.

12/12/07 Update: I have been feeling guilty for writing that my aunt disaproves of my other aunt and that my roommate disaproves of me. Maybe they don’t! guilty, guilty, guilty…arggh… just remember, reality is multi-faceted and it changes, and… did I mention that I like my other aunt and my roommate, and it says more about my state of mind than any objective truth about them, but I think you got that.

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At my church I am officially a “young adult.” I don’t really like that title as I’m in my 30’s! I think I’m just a plain old adult. So, I look to the internet to back me up, and it does.

http://www.answers.com/main/ntquery;jsessionid=1eqmn3jtxeqvn?method=4&dsid=2222&dekey=Young+adult&gwp=8&curtab=2222_1&sbid=lc04b&linktext=Young%20adult

young adult

A young adult is someone in the transition from a teenager to an adult. It is usually informally considered to encompass the period from age 16 to age 25, although the exact period varies between societies and time periods.

In many societies, young adults encounter a number of issues as they begin to hold full-time jobs and take on other responsibilities of adulthood. Young adult literature is a literary genre of books written for this age group.

a·dult ( ?-d?lt‘, ?d‘?lt)
n.

1. One who has attained maturity or legal age.
2. Biology. A fully grown, mature organism.

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I just saw the below post saved in my drafts. Last year I wrote:

I go to a UU church and I’m so proud of it.

I wish that was still true.

Sermon Links: signposts of spiritual maturity

I’m looking for signposts of spiritual maturity so that I can advertise for them in my online personals ad. Right now I have just stated that I want someone spiritually mature, but that could mean very different things to different people so I want to be more specific.

I know the qualities when I come across them, but I have a hard time putting them into words. So, I’m looking for some help.

I go to a UU church and I’m so proud of it. Here’s a UU sermon that is specifically about how to be a mature UU participant in a congregation.

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Last year I almost stopped going to church because I felt so harassed by someone. I finally had to learn to tell him that he couldn’t hang out with me. I wrote about a lunch I had with him last year:

I had an awkward “young adult” lunch last week after church. See, there are the old young adults who no longer eat with the official young adult group. Then there is the official young adult group whose numbers are dwindling, because there are a couple (one in particular for me) obnoxious people who others don’t want to eat with.

It’s like an inverted circle of belonging with people in the middle of the group being rejected by the people forced to the edges. Because we won’t out and out kick someone out of the group, we kick ourselves out. It’s very curious. I’ve opted to take myself out of the lunch situation altogether on most Sundays (one of the “forced to the edges folks”), or just go with a couple friends. The unofficial groups are getting bigger than the official group. (This is leading to publicity interventions that don’t work as they are missing the point of the problem: fodder for a post on performance intervention.)

Churches are usually safe places for people to be included. I know that I felt safer at church when I was a kid knowing that the rules didn’t allow out and out exclusion. I feel safer at church now for some of the same reasons, now that I think about it. Because of this inclusion, people who will not be included anywhere else often end up at a church. It’s a situation I’ve experienced at every church I’ve attended. One friend calls it the “broken winged bird” syndrome. But, we are all broken winged birds at some time. You don’t have to be cool at church. (Ahh, what a relief.) In fact, you don’t even have to have social skills. (Ahh… What a headache.)

The particular lunch last Sunday was kind of funny if looked at as a scene in a movie. One of the new older young adults (try to keep this all straight) came up to me after church and whispered “I’m co-opting you. Come to lunch with us.” The way he said it was so cute that I said I would go. As we walked out, the obnoxious guy’s girlfriend (the guy I stopped going to lunches to avoid) asked where we were going for lunch and the new older guy told her! He didn’t realize that the older young adult people purposefully excludes these people. I just shook my head. When we arrived at the restaurant, the whole young adult crew had arrived before us and were sitting with the old young adults who were clearly angry. “I thought you were going to [this other restaurant]” One of the women said to me. I know she assumed I told all the young adults because I used to be the leader. Sigh.

The table was split down the middle and we might as well have been at different restaurants for all the interaction that occurred between the two groups. Ironically, I was stuck sitting near the obnoxious guy who I stopped going to lunches to avoid. I tried to ignore him. He tried to take a picture of my side of the table. “Please don’t take my picture right now.” I said. “Are you saying you don’t want your picture taken at any events?” He asked angrily.

The truth is that I just don’t want him to have my picture because he creeps me out. In fact, let me just drift into a fantasy answer for a minute: “No.” I tell him. “I’m fine with having my picture taken at events, but I’m not fine with you taking it. Because, you give me the creeps and the way you are taking my picture gives me the creeps and the way you used to follow me around and badger me makes me angry. I’ve told you that I find your behavior invasive, and that I don’t want you to talk to me, and now, here you are, talking to me. Go away! No one wants you at this restaurant! PLEASE PLEASE LEAVE!!!”

What I actually tell him is, “No, I just don’t want my picture taken right now.” He gets angry and tells his girlfriend, “She’s just selfish. I’m doing this for the group and she is just selfish!” “She’s eating! Leave her alone!” She tells him. They fight, his girlfriend walks out. He walks out after her. She comes back in. He’s still outside. “I’m sorry.” I say to her. “It’s not your fault. I just hate it when he gets all self righteous.” she says.

Sheesh. I drove home with the friend who invited me who didn’t notice any of this. He’s surprised when I tell him that the original people were angry that the official group came. “I just think ‘the more the merrier.’” He tells me.

What do you think? Is “you can’t say you can’t play” a good rule? Just for kids or for you too? How do you balance kindness, inclusion, and yet keep healthy and happy boundaries?

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This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	6.4
Mind:	7.2
Body:	8.2
Spirit:	8.2
Friends/Family:	4.3
Love:	2.1
Finance:	6.3
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Wow, I can’t believe my life rated well enough to give advice! I’m up from a year ago.

After taking the quiz, they said my rating was above average and asked me to give words of advice! That is a request I cannot resist.

Think about it:

I have really thought about what makes me happy and I’ve tried to implement those things. I’ve also tried to accept my weaknesses and work with how I am. For instance, TV is not a thing that makes me happy in the long run, but when I have it, I get addicted. So, I don’t get cable. My mind is much more relaxed since doing this and I have way more time for actual fun.

Healthy habits:

I write in my journal almost everyday. This helps calm my mind down.

Finances for the middle class:

I have a steady job which I don’t love but it is nice to have steady money. (I’m working on getting a job I love.) It’s very stressful to be scrambling for money. I live well within my means so that I can save every month. I decide what feels luxurious for me so I get to feel rich while living simply. For me, it is a treat to be able to go to the grocery store and buy whatever I want with out checking for prices. This is real luxury for me that doesn’t actually cost me that much. I’m cheap in areas I don’t care about. For example, I am content to drive an old car which means no car payments and cheap insurance.

Relationships!

The best thing I’ve done for myself is to make good relationships a priority. I was happy to be able to honestly say that I have 6-10 good friends and that I have a close relationship with my family. That wasn’t always true for me.

Advice for people who need it:

I highly recommend making relationships a priority. If you are having trouble making friends or unsure where to make friends, here are two main ways you can start to improve that.

First, learn to take good care of yourself and start with small steps. For example, start doing things you like to do, even if it is on a small scale. You want to be a famous dancer? Turn on some music and dance around in your room. What does this have to do with relationships? Your level of happiness shows up and people will be attracted to you based on that happiness.

Sometimes it can be hard to learn to care for yourself if you weren’t raised that way. Just take one small step. Sometimes, even if you were raised well, it can be so easy to forget what you love and what makes you happy. It can also be easy to not take your preferences seriously. If you really feel so much happier when you go on a walk after dinner, GO ON THAT WALK! Your happiness is important.

Next, even before you have made yourself all happy and perfect, go out and find some people to be with! Your personal balance and maturity and the health of your relationships are intertwined and you need to pursue both.

Two good places to meet people if you are feeling shaky socially: churches and support groups. To put it plainly, these are places that will accept you even if you are socially inept and to be socially ept :) you need to be around people. To be socially ept, you also need to learn a lot of skills, so do some reading about relationships, take some classes, practice some skills, learn by observation. Avoid the pitfalls of seeming desperate (which can be hard if you are just coming out of seclusion - why support groups are helpful) also avoid the pitfall of arrogance. Really try on the belief that most people have something valuable to offer you.

Tip: If you are not religious, a good church to try is a Unitarian Universalist church.

Ps: I would have loved to read other people’s advice, but couldn’t find it. What’s your happiness advice?

PPS: Once again they scored me low in the friends and family department when I think that is one of the best things about my life. Shall I be punished for my unhappy childhood forever, internet quiz?

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I discovered Brandi Carlile through Pandora and fortunately shared my discovery with A.M. who then bought tickets for us to see her in a live show. She and her band were awesome. The performance was powerful and was so moving I got chills, and tears were drawn from my eyes. The post below is from their website. I’m impressed that her soulfulness comes out in her prose as well as her music.

You can check out her music on Pandora. I’ve bought 4 of the same CDs so far. Three for other people, one for me. If you get a chance to see her in person, she is even better, and stuns with a couple covers, one by Leonard Cohen and one by Johnny Cash.

In The Studio
Posted by on 09.13.06As I sit in a dark control room and listen to the music we’ve been recording, I look at T Bone Burnett sitting at an old Neve console holding an 80 year old guitar and wearing sunglasses and it strikes me that if the twins and I weren’t wearing Chuck Taylors we could be anywhere in the world and at any point in time over the last 100 years…

We’ve been in the studio for over a week and things are going amazing — the twins and I have been on the road for so long that we have become a live band so it’s been intimidating and exciting to be put under a microscope… it’s a scary thing to know how you really sound.

It’s such a thrill to get these songs off my chest after a couple of years of playing them on the road…we recorded “The Story” and my voice cracked before the big loud scream and we kept it because it sounded raw and real. Sometimes it’s hard for me to accept imperfection but I’m learning everyday. T Bone has taken us to church.

Love,
Brandi

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An Atlanta Unitarian wrote about the UU sales pitch:

I was recently talking with another new Unitarian on how we “sell” our religion to others. My original sales pitch was: “You don’t have to believe in anything in particular to join our group.” Her sales pitch was: “We take the best of every religion, with out taking the bad stuff.”Well I don’t think it takes a genius to see which sales pitch is better. Hers is both better and more accurate than mine. In fact, my sales pitch is so weak I’m shocked I would even say it aloud – that the best we have to offer is a lack of constraints, total personal freedom? Is this what we offer? Why join a group whose main offering is to leave you just the way you were before you joined?

…I think there is a core stance to Unitarianism, or if there isn’t one I think there is something I would like to place at its center, to give it a core stance in my mind…

I think it is a profound difference that we can believe what we want to believe, and think what we want to think, and still be in community with others. That is huge and that is why I go to a UU church. I don’t understand why I read so many UU bloggers who seem to have a longing to have some kind of belief besides good moral code in common.

Also, I don’t think that UU’s are just changed by the communities they join, they also change the community. That is what part of my sales pitch could be:

~*~The UU church is a dynamic community. ~*~
~*~Imagine a spiritual home where you can actually add your voice, energy and vibrancy to the mix rather than suppressing it!!~*~
~*~Pretty radical, huh. ~*~
~*~It’s exciting and alive and you can be a part of it. ~*~

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This year as co-chair of our “young adult” group was challenging. Members of our steering committee who committed to serve flaked out leaving us with a larger than expected work load. We made several dramatic decisions (with due process) that people who founded the group were upset about. I felt a lot of pressure about keeping up the technical side of our group, some of which I wrote about earlier. My co-chair and I were the people everyone complained to and who people in our group and in the larger church wanted things from.

Even though I was dealing with adults, I could relate to the harassed look mothers of young children sometimes have. Like a young mother, sometimes the only thing to do to get relief from being pulled at and demanded from is to institute some discipline. We set rules and boundaries, and I went from feeling harassed and unappreciated to feeling gruff and curmudgeonly.

It wasn’t all bad, I enjoyed leading the meetings, especially as the new format for our steering committee meetings cut them down from a couple meandering hours to one very productive hour a month. Our goal was to empower people in our group, and soon people realized that if they complained they better also be ready to step up and do something about it. This brought out leadership in some unexpected people, and they started to take ownership of the group, which is what we wanted. I loved working with my co-chair who has natural leadership ability and who I continually learned so much from.

Still, with my new job, the downsides of being a leader, and the suprisingly upsetting behavior of a guy at our church who I have been feeling harassed by, I was ready not only to be done with leadership in our group, but maybe with our group altogether.

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Just a little post to say I’m still alive. Work is busy and is going well. I don’t want to get fired for my blog so I don’t post from work and I don’t feel like looking at a computer when I get home- thus the scant posts.

In less than a week I am going to Alaska! I’ll post some pictures when I get back.

I continue to be fascinated with social software, especially social software which has applications for education. I recently found Elgg which I think may have the potential to rock my world. Check it out ya’ll. ;)

Tomorrow we officially hand off the baton of co-chair to a new group at church. Yeha! I feel kind of bad as I do like the woman who is taking our place. Ah well. Good learning opportunity, or er um character building experience and all that.

Did I mention that I am in an art group. Yeha! I love doing art.

And there you go, my 5 minute update.

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I’m going to tell you all about the movie I saw tonight in another post, but first I have to vent. It is about the small pond I swim in at church and I guess it is a micro-chasm of what a political leader might experience.

First, let me plead my case: I am a leader of a church group with a fair amount of responsibilities. Our web person quit last year because so many people in our group complained about how she treated them, and the minister (gently) called her on it.

By default, the website fell to me, the only technical person left in leadership. I had grand plans, but eventually had to tell the group that I just didn’t have time to do anything with the website. We use yahoo lists to communicate anyway, and never use the site. The information on it is very out of date, and embarrassingly, an empty calendar sits on it, which is way worse than no calendar at all.

Now the lynching: A few months ago, it was time to renew the website. I said that I had no plans to renew it. This, of course, doesn’t stop anyone else from renewing it. However, the previous web person sent out an email to our list and said basically that I and our co-leader were killing the website. As if we had decreed that it could no longer go on, rather than simply refusing to take it on ourselves. She asked, in a very passive aggressive note, that they direct any complaints to us. Now people are writing in, mainly people who never help with anything, and are saying that we should really update our site, and keep the calendar updated. Yes, we should. I open the floor to all you complainers and non action takers, and say, be my guest.

This is the anger I have decided not to take out on the group.

grrr…

Thank you for listening.

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Written October 30th, 2005 after a great women’s retreat with my church. Censored, I’m sure, because I used the word “naked.”

I also sat naked in a hot tub for the first and second time. :) Woohoo! If you ever get the chance to sit naked in crisp Autumn weather, in a non-threatening situation, in a bubbling hot tub, under very bright stars, in a very DARK night, I highly recommend you do it. :)

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Written Feb 17th, unfinished, but I think you get my drift. :)

AHh! I just went to a comedy club that was soo foul that I’ve got to watch Sex in the City to clear it out of my mind. Seriously. My friends who were with me have this sweet but of course incomplete idea of me as a delicate and sweet. They said, “Oh, B. you don’t like this, do you. It’s too explicit for you.” Listen, people, I know how to translate. I grew up as a little humanist in a Mormon town and I liked church. I can understand someone even if they speak in a very different language than me. I liked Hustle and Flow. What I don’t like is meaness. In the sense of small mindedness and especially in the sen

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“I just called to say hi,” I told my mom this morning.
“And to wish me a Happy Mother’s Day?” She prompted.
“Oh yeah, and to wish you a Happy Mother’s Day!”
We talked for a few minutes, but being in a time zone three hours later than mine, she had to get to church. First she wanted to tell me about her dream last night, and then, of course, she wanted to hear my dream.

I dreamt that I had plans with someone, but right before he came over, I fell to the floor with exhaustion. This is only a slightly dramatized version of my real life. Last night my friend never came over, I called her, and fell to my bed with exhaustion at 7:30. I knew this would mean I would wake up way too early, but I just couldn’t hold out until 9. That’s why I called my mom at 5:30 this morning, an hour and a half after I woke up. And how I had time to read poetry before I called, which came in handy as my mom missed the first hour of church while talking to me. In acknowledgment of her lost hour of church, I decided to give her a mother’s day sermon. I got it from The Rag and Bone Shop of the Heart which I was reading this morning.

I was worried because when I read it earlier in the morning, I started crying at the first sentence, having read it before and knowing what was coming. I tend to cry when I read things to my mom, even if it didn’t make me cry on my own. “Don’t worry,” I told my mom before I started reading it, “I cried earlier, but I’m fine now.”

What Happened During the Ice Storm

One winter there was a freezing rain. How beautiful! people said when things outside started to shine with ice. But the freezing rain kept coming. Tree branches glistened like glass. Then broke like glass. Ice thickened on the windows until everything outside blurred. Farmers moved their livestock into the barns, and most animals were safe. But not the pheasants. Their eyes froze shut.

Some farmers went ice-skating down the gravel roads with clubs to harvest the pheasants that sat helplessly in the roadside ditches. The boys went out into the freezing rain to find pheasants too. They saw dark spots along a fence. Pheasants, all right. Five or six of them. The boys slid their feet along slowly, trying not to break the ice that covered the snow. They slid up close to the pheasants. The pheasants pulled their heads down between their wings. They couldn’t tell how easy it was to see them huddled there.

The boys stood still in the icy rain. Their breath came out in slow puffs of steam. The pheasants’ breath came out in quick little white puffs. Some of them lifted their heads and turned them from side to side, but they were blind folded with ice and didn’t flush. The boys had not brought clubs, or sacks, or anything but themselves. They stood over the pheasants, turning their own heads, looking at each other, each expecting the other to do something. To pounce on a pheasant, or to yell Bang! Things around them were shining and dripping with icy rain. The barbed-wire fence. The fence posts. The broken stems of grass. Even the grass seeds. The grass seeds looked like little yolks inside gelatin whites. And the pheasants looked like unborn birds glazed in egg white. Ice was hardening on the boys’ caps and coats. Soon they would be covered with ice too.

Then one of the boys said, Shh. He was taking off his coat, the thin layer of ice splintering in flakes as he pulled his arms from the sleeves. But the inside of the coat was dry and warm. He covered two of the crouching pheasants with his coat, rounding the back of it over them like a shell. The other boys did the same. They covered all the helpless pheasants. The small gray hens and the larger brown cocks. Now the boys felt the rain soaking through their shirts and freezing. They ran across the slippery fields, unsure of their footing, the ice clinging to their skin as they made their way toward the blurry lights of the house.

This mother’s day sermon was brought you you by Braidwood’s mom’s daughter Braidwood.Happy Mother’s Day!

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When I was looking for Fat is a Feminist Issue in a bookstore the other day, I saw a book called The Body Project. It was all about the history of teenage girls and their relationship with their bodies. I don’t know if you know any teenage girls well. I know girls at my church who seem to have escaped this detour from living, but I also know many girls including my cousin, including me as a teenager, who make the biggest project in their lives the reshaping and improvement of their bodies.

Grown women often do this, but some of them move on to improving other aspects of themselves, like their emotions or their social skills. This seems less shallow. But it is still approaching yourself as if you need to be fixed. So, instead of putting your energy into doing things that you enjoy, you put energy into making yourself better. It is a difference in orientation to yourself and to life. Are you in yourself, a subject that is living life, or are you viewing yourself, an object that needs to be better.

I think one of the basic questions is: Can I trust my own desires? If I do what I like, am I going to be ok? Don’t I need to monitor myself closely and then fix myself? Thinking anecdotally, I can group this difference somewhat by gender. Most self-help books seem to be directed at women. I can picture men playing sports and climbing mountains and women counting calories and measuring their thighs. This is a sad state of affairs. I don’t know how accurate that stereotype is. Picturing some men who don’t work at self-improvement, I realize that the urge to fix yourself is not all bad. ;) Maybe the best way to live is with balance, introspecting and focusing on the outer world.

I thought of this post because my vision is wavering, as if I’m looking at one of those ambivalent pictures where you can see two different things depending on where you focus; like a square popping in or out. I feel an urge to get into life more! Blame it on Spring, if you want. As many women know, dieting can actually be energizing, especially in the planning stages. Anything that makes you feel in control of your destiny can feel good. In the end though, that feeling of getting into life fades when you make your body your project, because it ends up feeling more like getting ready for life than living it. I’m taking my urge to do something and shifting it to where I need more balance: doing something fun. I’m going to take up a couple activities I’ve been wanting to do for awhile, including improv! I hope this post helps someone who needs it to see the other picture. I welcome your thoughts.

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Hi all,

Remember my dark night of the soul I had (well, sorta) from a few nights ago? I felt the lack of meaning in my job, great job as it is, and full of gratitude for it as I am. My solution was to give myself a break, give myself permission to rest for awhile, and just enjoy having a job, living where I want to live, and having dental insurance.

Listening to music by Emma’s Revolution last night has sparked an addendum to that solution. I realized that I can add conciousness raising to many parts of my life. I can imbue my life with meaning! When I got a job my mom suggested that I tithe part of my income. I grew up paying tithing and there is part of me that wants every little penny of my money, on the other hand one of the reasons I am most excited to have a regular income is so that I can contribute to my church and other organizations that are doing good work.

Some other ways I want to add meaning to the everyday parts of my life:

1. Gifts! I love giving a gift that I know someone will love, but so often I am just dashing to get someone something. I hate that. Instead, I can give conciousness raising gifts that people will like. (So, not a certificate saying that I gave a donation in someone’s name, except for the rare altruistic person who might like that.)
2. Purchasing everyday items that are made with fair practices.
3. Choosing uplifting media to surround myself with.

Look for more posts with specific ideas in the future!

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Passing along a mass email my mom sent me:

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, “How heavy is this glass of water?” Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g. The lecturer replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that’s not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you’ll have to call an ambulance. In each case, it’s the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.”

He continued, “And that’s the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won’t be able to carry on. ” “As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we’re refreshed, we can carry on with the burden.” “So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down. Don’t carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you’re carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can.”

So, my friend, why not take a while to just simply RELAX. Put down anything that may be a burden to you right now. Don’t pick it up again until after you’ve rested a while. Life is short. Enjoy it!

Then the email listed ways you can “put down the burden:”

• Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.
• Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
• Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
• If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
• Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
• When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
• Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
• A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
• Have an awesome day and know that someone has thought about you today….

…I did.

Resting in between working, sprint-like instead of marathon-like, is what helped me change a long held procrastination pattern I had. Today I rested by going to the dog park to get my cuteness fix. I like to have regularly scheduled rejuvination in my week, like church and lunch with my friends. When I wake up I write in my morning pages. What are some things you do to make clean transitions between work and make sure you aren’t holding the glass for too long?

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Moving can be lonely. (The alternate title to this post.) It reminds me that I am still a wandering troubadour, not the co-house living, bed with my lover sharing, pregnant bellied woman, just got home from the farmer’s market woman I have pictured in my head. So, my small sadness this month has been loneliness. I have so many people, but have not felt that anyone else was sharing my life. I called my mom and she said she is sharing my life. She reminded me of the people at church who complimented me when she was here, and in my uber lonely state the other night I said that they were just being polite.

I guess for me having people share my life and care about me means that they help me, and the meaning of the help (that they really do care and that I can count on them) is more important than the help itself. Sometimes I am so needy and it’s embarrassing. I wanted to call my friend this morning and ask him if I could visit just so he could hug me, but I didn’t know what he would say. I told him later, and he said he wanted to be there for me to support me. Tomorrow he is coming over to help me pack. Other people have offered to help me move all of my stuff on Saturday, and tonight I had the advance decorating crew.

Two girlfriends who I feel really comfortable with came over, ate my very home spun meal with kind words, and helped me move my decorations to my new place. These included scarves, pictures, and assorted knickknacks. We moved the furniture, moved it again, hung pictures, considered fung shui. I needed an advance decorating crew to make this move feel positive. I just had this image of moving into a new place and sitting in a bare room for a month as I slowly settled in. It seemed so depressing after making my current room so cute. Friend S was going to bring sage to clear out the energy of past residents. Friend A was going to bring her baggua book. They both forgot, but they couldn’t have done any ceremony or positioned things more fung shuily to better accomplish what I needed than what they did. To have people really consider, with earnestness, where you should hang your Buddhist prayer flags, and find just the right place for your poseable Aragorn action figure is like a magical dispeller of loneliness.

I wrote this a couple days ago, and the idea of “community” has come up several times since then. This post is about how neccesary for community it feels to have people know and care about the details of my life.

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Have you noticed how diets are like the new religion? I guess it’s not surprising considering how diets are equated with morality in our modern world. Being thin is equated with being beautiful and both are equated with being good. When you are talking about your worth and morality, you’ve got quite a touchy subject on your hands. I think when it comes to diet, like when it comes to religion, I’m a Unitarian Universalist, not a fundamentalist.

Back in December, I had an online conversation which made me feel like I was unexpectedly at a revival when I thought I was at a block party. In an online radiant recovery group, a woman who was having trouble with cravings asked for advice and I replied:

I have the same trouble and have jumped in and skipped steps several times in this program. One HUGE support for me has been supplements. I highly recommend reading The Mood Cure, taking the mood quiz and getting the applicable supplements. That has helped me a LOT. Good luck!

I was then chastened by the moderator, and realized I had stumbled into a revival:

…Just wanted to let you know that on this list we don’t discuss supplements and other programs. Our… list is used for social support and interaction, planning get-togethers, and issues of doing this program as it relates to our geographical area…

Kathleen DeMaisons, the author of Potatoes not Prozac, chimed in with her thoughts about the Mood Cure:

and for the record, I would like to say, I respectfully disagree with Julia Ross’ approach to healing. I think that recommending a gadzillion supplements reinforcing addictive thinking about *taking* things to get well. I know that eating breakfast is not sexy and takes longer, but that is where we are at with this program.

warmly,
kathleen

I don’t mind that Kathleen doesn’t agree with me, but I don’t want to be in a group where I can only say what we’ve all agreed we can say. What is the point in talking if we can’t share our real experiences?! I wrote an ultra (I hope) diplomatic letter in response today:

Hi Kathleen and Peggy,

I really like PnP, it has helped me a lot, and I was looking forward to being on this list, because I am definitely sugar sensitive. Other things have helped too, including The Mood Cure. Kathleen, I think it is interesting that you don’t like Julia’s approach, since you also recommend supplements. She recommends very reasonable amounts of supplements, and her book is very helpful in finding out which supplements work for which ailments, and understanding how food choices affect mood.

I understand that people have differences of opinions. I like variety, and I need to be in a group where I can bring all of me to the table. Peggy, telling me I can’t mention supplements makes me feel a little like I’m in a fundamentalist church, and I can’t be honest about my experience. Also, if I can’t share honestly, I worry that other people aren’t able to share honestly either. I’m considering leaving the group.

I wish you all the best and am still very open to meeting with people who are following the PnP program. I would love to get together in person or talk by email and support each other along our perhaps slightly different but still intertwined journeys…

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Last night was my last class for my master’s degree. Oh, I still have a final to turn in electronically, a paper, a portfolio, but I had my last class. First, I found a church where I can be myself, then I found a grad program that fit me so well. We were eating pizza last night and a classmate’s reminiscence reminded me that every week during the first semester, with amazement, I would say to myself, “I made the right choice.” “This is the place for me.”

It makes me think that for some people, life is like getting dropped off in the middle of the woods, and then year by year, gradually walking home.

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A quiz result, but hey, I haven’t posted one in a while.

You are ‘Silent Night’! You really enjoy Christmas, and you like your Christmases conventional. For you, Christmas is about family and traditions, and you rather enjoy the rituals of going to church at midnight and turning off the lights before flaming the plum pudding. Although you find Christmas shopping frustrating, you like the excitement of wrapping and hiding presents, and opening a single door on the Advent Calendar each day. You like the traditional carols, and probably teach the children to sing along to them. More than anyone else, you will probably actually have a merry Christmas.
Take this quiz!

Found via Ministrare who is getting in the spirit.

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I was going to have a “day of rest” or more accurately a day of re-creation. However, I came home from church, cooked, watched Tremors (I love that movie,) and then did what I said I would not do: started surfing on the computer. I need to write my morning pages. I need to be still and think and process, especially when I feel agitated/anxious like this. When I feel like this is when it is hardest for me to do though. I did do one good recreational thing. I walked on the beach after church. Ahh… Ok now for some morning pages. Really.

Here is a list of characteristics that are common to gifted adults, sans the references. You can read the rest of the article here.

A broad knowledge base and seemingly insatiable need for new information that is associated with an insatiable intellectual curiosity.

Critical self-scrutiny and self-monitoring.

Verbal agility, remarkable expressiveness, and a penchant for in-depth discussion and debate.

Exceptionally high standards, idealism, perfectionism, and intense self-criticism.

Preference for complexity and novelty and a tolerance of ambiguity.

Excitability, multiple interests, high levels of energy…

Love of challenge motivated by an intrinsic drive toward fulfillment of potential, meaningful living, and self-actualization.

Distinct need for autonomy.

Heightened physiological sensitivity and sensory arousal.

Feelings of loneliness and emotional distance despite positive relationships and even popularity.

Emotional sensitivity and extraordinary responsiveness.

History of frustration related to asynchronous development — ability to visualize or conceptualize the desired creative product preceding the attainment of obligatory skills.

Compassion, moral integrity and courage, wisdom, global awareness, and potential for humanitarian leadership.

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I had another brilliant idea: Churches are like floating neighborhoods in our mobile community. No wonder America is so much more religious than our European counterparts. We need our churches for stability.

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Today as I was stretching in NIA, after we were dancing to music as we thought of something/s we’re really greatful for, I thought, “I’m going to think of what I’m greatful for everyday. I’m going to post everything I’m greatful for on my blog! I’ll do it everyday until the end of the year! I’m going to rename my blog ‘Braidwood Praises,’ or “Braidwood Thanks.’ ” Sometimes I’m just TOO much!

Well, I just read my email, and I am going to have to amend my posting strategy. First I’ll post everything I’m bitter about, then I’ll post greatful. That will work much better.

Bitter:
GA! Everyone is nominating my co-chair for our church’s outstanding service award!!! This is very annoying for many reasons. Most of all it is annoying because I was going to nominate her- I had no thought of myself- really. But I thought I would nominate her in private so it wouldn’t look like an inside job because we are co-chairs. I was feeling all proud of her and glad she would be nominated. And then at our meeting someone else publicly nominated her, and someone else seconded it and now she just thanked two more people who nominated her on our email list!! Well isn’t that sweet. Here I am having long email conversations with people who: don’t like the way we vote, don’t understand how our list works, need such and such, and she is emailing a thank you to her many admirers. I really like my co-chair. (GA!) and like how we work together, so I knew I had to get this out somewhere. Again, GA! This is so irritating. I’m finally sympathizing with that protoypical invisible office worker who really runs everything but gets no credit. Oh yes, I have worked long effective hours. So, I ran a bad meeting once. GA!!!

Oh yeah, and I’m greatful for:
The rain, the cuddly cat, warm Mexican style chicken soup, Gilmore girls, that people let me be their co-chair (GA!!!) ok scratch that one for now, my fun projects I am working on, my talents, that I like dancing, the fun parties I went to this weekend, that my friend came to NIA with me, that I have fun Christmas and Thanksgiving plans, my new NLP guide. GA! Goddammit, give me some credit! (Sorry, sudden reversion to bitter.) And… I’m very greatful I did not give this link to my church group!! Ha! :) People who have it, and you know who you are, SILENCE!

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I love reading Andrea’s real life updates over at Roundy Wells. I wish all my friends and family had blogs! So, today I am going to treat you to a real life update.

Men: Nada. (Wow, this is quick!) I theoretically want to get married and if I happened to meet someone that I clicked with, I’d be all for it, but I’m putting no energy into looking. The only reason it has a little half-hearted place on my to do list is my biological clock. Mental calculations of biological clock: “Let’s see, I’m 31 [now you know :)] If I meet someone now and marry them in a year, the earliest I will have my first child is 33. If I want 4 kids, spaced two years apart… ARGHGGGH!!!” That’s how those internal conversations usually go, followed by a panicked: “I must meet somebody now!” or a tremulously reasuring, “Well, people are getting younger all the time, if you just stay in really great shape, it will be almost like you are in your 20’s when you are having kids!” Yeah right!

Job: Just quit! Yay me! In my job-life, I really feel like the airplane motivational speakers always talk about, on the wrong path most of the time but continually making adjustments so that it does eventually get where it intended to go. I know what I want to do: create blah, blah, blah, blah. (That information is part of my secret identity- or actually, my known identity, but this site is part of my secret identity, so my known identity is… this gets so confusing.) But how do I get there? I started drafting a letter to send to a well-known writer and Ph.D to share with him the research paper I wrote that involves his work. Ach! It scared me to even draft it. Do you double-dog-dare me to send it today? It is great thinking, in my humble opinion, but really stilted writing. I haven’t figured how to make research paper writing flow. I HATE that method of writing. eek.

I’m considering going to school some more to get a Ph.d and doing research there, applying for a grant to get my research funded, or… working at a regular job while I work on my own research on the side? This is all up in the air.

For the near future, I have a student loan coming in, so I won’t starve. However, I do want a job during this last semester and I will definitely need a job when the semester ends. As the very talented Andrea has shown, getting a job in a particular field can be challenging. I won’t have any welcoming arms letting me stay somewhere, I’ve already used that option up post bachelors degree. Unless something changes in some other area of my life. (See “Men:” above.)

Jobs I am considering: low paying student job on campus- hey, it’s money, actual full time job in my field if I can get it, or get an internship in my field. In addition, I AM starting my hypnosis practice back up. The website is in the works.

Other dreams: I want to sing and play the guitar and write songs. My grandma has agreed to pay for me to get singing lessons! Yay, Grandma!! I am soo excited to have a more consistantly performance worthy voice. Also, I am going to learn to play the guitar better and learn more music theory. As you know, I don’t want to become famous in that I don’t want my face to be broadly recognizable, but I DO want to be rich and talented. I would love to make money selling my songs and be a slightly known singer in my community- at church and in a local band. That would be sooo fun.

Housing: I want my own house. But I went driving around yesterday and I realized, even if something magical happens, I don’t know exactly where I want to live yet. However, being in a temporary place that is someone else’s house just sucks. No, I am not pleased with my roommates. Today I realized that I just have to clean in front of my other two roommates so they can WITNESS ME CLEANING, then they see that I am contributing my fair share of cleaning. My other roommate, the owner of the house, who I will call Fantasia, just got home today. Disclaimer: all of these roommates are nice. They are not horrible, but still, I am not pleased. So, Fantasia and Tina are chatting about the trip she just got back from and I say, “Hi! How was Florida?” And she says, in a measured voice usually reserved for pre-schoolers, and irritating even then,”Braidwood, I had a nice trip, but I don’t want to talk about it now. If you’d like, I will tell you about Florida later.” What the hell! I wanted to turn all Hustle and Flow * on her and tell her, “Yo, bitch, I couldn’t care less about your trip to Florida! I was just asking to be nice!” Then I fantasized about coming up with something socially acceptable yet funny and mean to say back to her. I could think of nothing. When I am displeased I turn very sincere and tend to say things like, “I really don’t like being spoken to like that.” I did think it would be funny to make up a song about Fantasia to the tune of “I’m living in my own private Idaho” and call it “I’m living in my own private Ashram!” (Fantasia teaches yoga and gives astrology readings and doesn’t think farting is funny.)

*I saw Hustle and Flow with my Grandma when I was in Hawaii, her choice, and the only reason I went. I usually stick to my Mormon heritage and skip rated R movies. Especially if there is the chance that there will be something in the movie that I just wish I had never seen. However, while Hustle and Flow had the trappings of banality, it was not banal. It was an awesome movie and I could totally relate.

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There are good days and bad days. Today is a good day for me. :) A list of my blessings:

My new roommates don’t yell at me. They ask me how my day went and respond to like questions. Yay! :)

I got a job! Yay YAYAYAYAYAYYA! Does this mean I will have money???? I mean, to spend on clothes and non discounted groceries and stuff? A whole new adventure awaits me. ;)

Not only did French Toast Girl leave a comment on my blog, she linked to me! French Toast Girl is one of those people who is so talented but not inaccessibly famous and I vacillate between jealousy and admiration. I can’t help it! But jealousy has a good side, it can show you what you aspire to. I don’t aspire to being a great artist, but I do aspire to having a life filled with love, which leads me to…

Another blessing! I know my neighbors and they are down to earth and nice and easy to talk to and it’s been a long time since I could walk over to my neighbors and say “Hey, whatcha doin?” Thanks, neighbors.

I like my family. Wow. Today my mom called. (Good luck studying!)

I met with my co-chair about a meeting we are putting together. (I’m a co-chair for a group at my church.) It’s work, and it makes a difference, and it feels good to contribute.

I talked to one of my best friends and we are going to the fair tomorrow.

So, all in all, a good day. Many blessings. Thanks, world.

Categories: My Life, Links

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I’m about to go out and have a celebration lunch. I don’t know if I got the job or not yet, but I’m celebrating just going on the interview. It’s totally unrelated to the field I am getting my master’s degree in. In fact, it is selling vacation ownership! (timeshares.) Laugh if you must. :) The good thing about this is, I can tell you all about the job without revealing my secret identity. Other good things: I might make a lot of money! It was so refreshing to go to a job interview and have it be ok that the reason I want the job is to make money! I mean, why else would I want a job? If I had all the money I needed I’d probably volunteer to do whatever I like to do, to contribute to people.

I’ll let you know how it goes. I don’t even know if I’ll be any good at selling. Hurdles if I do get the job: 1) it is a 40 minute drive!!! 2) They work on Sundays and I like to go to church on Sundays. Will they let me have Sundays off??

So, getting really honest about money, (money isn’t on my personal taboo list,) I am in a lot of debt because of student loans. I have lived pretty frugally all my life and I haven’t had a lot of motivation to make a lot of money, my idealism was in the forefront, but now I want to be out of debt! And I have a burning desire to be financially independant, ala Your Money or Your Life. I want to be free.

Categories: My Life

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I’m researching “optimism” right now. There is an interesting interplay between changing your external world and changing your internal world. My focus is on education, changing people internally, but sometimes it seems much more compassionate to remember that people do have certain needs from the outside world. So, this is just a shout out to the idea of changing your external world, which also I think is very important.

Tribe news:
I visited my church tribe today.
I talked to two relatives and two friends on the phone.
And…. da, da, da, da… I’m moving!!!!!!!!!! Yay! I’m moving in with 3 people who have created a welcoming homey environment. I’m so glad. I was longing for a homey home.

Categories: My Life, Well Being, Links

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This article is about the infamous “gap” that exists in the UU church (young UU kids leave the church when they get out of high school.) The author makes an interesting case that there are two very different churches within UUism- the youth church which emphasizes spiritual rituals and the honoring of all religions, and the adult church made up of many people who left some of those religions with not-too fond memories. The author says the youth group is lacking the inclusion of secular humanism, and the practice of reasoning through theological and ethical questions, while the adult church is lacking many of the participatory and demonstrative rituals that the youth have.

This really speaks to me because I highly value reason and science, and what moves me spiritually are participitory, poetic, artistic rituals.

What do you all think? What is important to you? What do you want more of?

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Hey my blogging friends,

I’ve had a busy week with not much time to blog. I missed two great illustration Friday themes, “reinvention” and “alone.” I sketched a quick alone idea as soon as I got the theme, so I might still put it up here, and French Toast Girl did such a great rendition of “reinvention” that that word has had it’s due.

In sermon news: You may have noticed a string of bad reviews for sermons on this site and I just wanted to tell you that last week’s sermon was awesome. It was done by the worship committee at my church and it was the most spiritually uplifting sermon I have been at in a loooonnnngggg time. It was very ritualistic and poetic. There were drums and readings and times of stillness. It was heavy on Rumi, light on theology. When it comes to spirituality, I’m definately experiential. The main message I got out of the service was, “Say yes to life!” and the message must have filtered into my body like light filled water and woken something up. I think I have been standing on the edge of life