Christmas

Laura over at Pick Me! posted about hoarding today. I started to respond but it got so long that I decided to make it a post instead of a comment.

*

I grew up with a hoarder and I couldn’t stand it! I was always embarrassed to have my friends over. I wasn’t allowed to throw popsicle sticks or plastic spoons away. Not only couldn’t we throw spoons away, my mom would actually bring home her used plastic spoons from restaurants. We had a whole drawer full of plastic spoons. We had 5 boxes full of rock salt filled with rabbit pelts that my mom was going to make into mittens someday.

I carried those 5 50 pound boxes in two different moves. I was opposed to them killing the rabbits I raised, opposed to saving ridiculous things we were never going to use, and opposed to the hard, meaningless labor of carrying the boxes. Grrr… (Hey, I just thought of something I could say in groups when the leader says to introduce yourself and tell people a fact about yourself that would surprise them!) We had a whole bunch of USED toothbrushes. I threw some of these away once and my mom got very upset with me.

If I lived in my childhood home now it would be fun to do a photo journal of all the strange stuff that we had. Very out of date medicine, old jars of canned tomatoes, piles of fabric, boxes of old game and puzzle pieces, closets full of old clothes, corners crammed with dead relatives furniture, one room just FULL of paper- literally piled to the ceiling with paper, including piles of charity solicitations with free address labels. My mom would keep all the paper work in case she wanted to use the free address labels or free cards they sent. Then she would send them money before she used them.

When I lived with my mom for a couple years as an adult, I made a deal with her that I wouldn’t touch the basement if the upstairs could stay clean. When I got particularly frustrated, I would throw everything that I thought was clutter over the banister down the stairs. (Don’t try this at home.)

I’ve read that hoarding is a reaction to loss and the hoarders in my family did have a lot of loss. It adds credence to the theory that when my mom got remarried she got rid of at least 2/3 of her stuff. It was amazing. It was like she was coming alive again and breaking out of some old tomb and throwing off the shackles of the paper and the unmatched game pieces! In reverse, my auntie, who I love, has become more and more ensconced in things since her husband died.

I love getting rid of things if I know they’ll have a good home. I take car loads and car loads of things to thrift stores. (I don’t shop much so I don’t know how I end up with carloads of things to get rid of.) I live in an apartment without much storage space, so when I decorated for Christmas, I just bought strings of lights at a thrift store for 50 cents and took them back after the holidays! And I love that no new things have to be manufactured when I buy them from a thrift store.

I keep things that are beautiful, useful, and/or happily sentimental. I love that I have distilled the objects around me so that everything I see in my room is something I love. (My roommate is a minimalist and probably thinks I’m a hoarder, so it’s somewhat relative.)

I did learn some good things from my mom’s hoarding behavior. I learned that random bits of junk can be useful in art projects. I think that thriftiness and ecology was tied into my mom’s hoarding behavior. She wanted to use everything and everything has a possible use. It’s like recycling. It’s important to me to recycle. I love composting although I don’t compost right now. (no yard).

I also would never throw useful things in the garbage that someone else could use. I’ve seen other people throw perfectly good CLOTHES into the garbage. GASP! No way. Someone could use that!! So, maybe the basic premise of the hoarder has been passed onto me, I just don’t feel the need to store the objects in my space when there are perfectly good libraries and thrift stores to do that job for me.

* Some of the flowers I bought myself with the flower money my mom sent me this Valentine’s Day with probably my favorite collage I’ve made n the background. Made at my mother’s house it is comprised of a bottle of glue I was going to use as glue, it was dried out though, so I cut it open and taped the glue and glue bottle to the collage, which I put in an old frame we had lying around.

Tags: hoarding, mom, family, thrift, recycling, grief

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I wrote the following during this last Christmas season. I had just decided to go back home rather than to my Granddad’s house in another town.

How has your holiday vacation been? (I hope you’ve had some holiday vacation!)

I’ve been thinking about the coming year. What I think I should be doing is looking for a JOB or some way to make money, but what I’ve been doing is planning my fun. I had a dirth* of fun last year and I think my neural connections have withered away from sitting in a dark secluded giant box with very boring tasks to do. Sounds like a lab rat.

*I know it’s “dearth” in the dictionary, but that looks like it sounds like someone is saying “dearest” after sucking on ice too long, and I’m leading a spelling revolution.

Martha Beck wrote about experiments done on rats and how there are some fundamental flaws in most of the research. You see, most of the research was done on rats in very boring environments. The results totally change when they place the rats in more life like enriched environments which she calls “rat parks”.

The results of my year and a half long experiment in an impoverished rat cage environment? This usually quick witted girl has gotten a little slower, I talk slower, I move slower, I don’t smile as much. The world seems grayer. I feel like I’m coming out of seclusion and I’ve started to plan all the fun things I’m going to do. I don’t know how I’m going to pay for them, tomorrow I’ll tell you what I have up my sleeve so far.

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One of the great things about quitting my job has been getting to spend time reading. One of the books I read over Christmas was Merle’s Door. Here’s what my mom has to say about it:

Tags: dogs, books

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I got a goal workbook from a friend for Christmas. It looks like it will be very useful and I already started filling it out. I’m going to follow it up with a collage to keep me focused on my goals and to keep me inspired for the coming year.

You can download and print out the goal workbook here: www.tonyrobbins.com/pdfs/Momentum2006.pdf

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Check out Tinsel Tales on NPR for some Christmas stories, cuddle up by the fire, take a walk in the desert, look out over the Ocean and listen to some stories. I especially like John Henry Faulk’s Christmas Story.

What are your Christmas stories? I don’t even know if I have Christmas stories… let’s see…
About 8 years old: Some one rings the bell. We open the door, there is a big box almost as tall as my head in wrapping paper! The top is open! 4 kids jumping up and down and screaming! I pull out a cheerleader barbie doll from the box. Pure excitement. Our moms are embarrassed.  They look at each other. I don’t care. What food is in there?!!

About 6 years old? A man knocks on the door. I answer. I’m in my pink nightgown and robe. The man asks in a strained voice if my dad is home. He is wearing a dark jacket. He has dark hair. I am innocent. I walk up to my parent’s bedroom to tell my dad that someone is at the door for him. I am first startled when I turn around and find that the man has followed me up the stares and is standing behind me in the hall. Uh oh, maybe I should have shut the door. He yells at my dad. They move into the living room. He knocks my dad into the Christmas tree. He knocks our Christmas tree down. Hey! You knocked our Christmas tree down! I think someone calls the police. Later, I feel somewhat sorry for that man. He looked so sad.

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You give one charity $25 and before you know it, Anthony D. Romero from ACLU is writing you compelling donation letters. And you can say to the letter, “Look, I know I donated to you once, but I just quit my job and Christmas is coming up.” To which Anthony responds,

“At the heart of our work together is a fundamental struggle in our nation that pits confidence and optimism against fear and insecurity.”"Well, that is intriguing, Anthony. I mean, you’ve obviously really thought about this. you’re getting to the heart of the matter. I completely agree. But, like I said, I’m running on soon to be broke mode, so…. good luck to you.”

Then, with his deep, dark brown eyes, Anthony looks deep into mine and says, “I’m urging you today to make a year-end donation to the ACLU as a personal reflection of you commitment to the confident, determined, and hopeful spirit that are fundamental to protecting and advancing freedom.” (emphasis his)

“Wow, Anthony, how did you know I’m committed to a hopeful spirit and to advancing freedom? I really am. It’s like, we’re so.. sympatico… But, look, I just can’t give you a donation right now with a cheerful heart, which is my way, but I can write about this on my blog and maybe give you wider exposure to a richer audience…” (Now I feel a little guilty, he doesn’t know how few people read my blog.)

I think he’s disappointed, but Anthony has class, “Thank you for all you have done to defend freedom in this especially challenging period - and for the leadership I know you will continue to offer as we move freedom forward in 2008.”

No, thank you, Anthony. Thank you for your optimism and your clarity and your determination, thank you.

PS: As a bonus just for Anthony, here is a link to an article about Naomi Wolf’s new book which lists the ten steps that people use to turn democracies into dictatorships: 10 steps to dictatorship

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14 more days to go until the Christmas holiday. Since I have worked several hours from home during the past few weeks without getting paid for it, I am giving myself guilt free time to do my own stuff today. (OK, maybe I feel a little guilt.)

Yesterday I had a dentist appointment. I need nearly $5000 worth of work done. Dang, it takes a lot of energy (in the form of money) to care for one little being’s teeth.  They are being super helpful and scheduling me in for all my work while I still have insurance.

Which leads me to the answer to Laura’s question: no- I do not have a job lined up. It just got to the point that the risk of remaining in the bud was too odious to my soul.  It remains to be seen if I will blossom. (Ack! I’m getting nervous about the leap I’m taking.)

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Written December 22, 2005

There is an interesting study in the book How Full Is Your Bucket? Positive Strategies for Work and Life by Tom Rath and Donald O. Clifton. It talks about POW’s becoming hopeless just because they lose a sense of camaraderie. So, to prevent curling up in a corner and dying (POW fate) this book is exhorting people to fill each other’s buckets, to uplift, and encourage each other.

I read the entire book in Borders last night. I left my house when everyone in it was having dinner together but me. I walked out, said a cheery “Ciao!” and pretended I had somewhere to go. It was late, I started driving, and wondered where I should go. I was crying so it had to be somewhere dark. I stopped by the movies but it would be over an hour until the next one started. I had gotten a slightly manic email from my mom earlier in the day saying we had 6 Christmas parties to go to and that you never know when you will meet a man! Umm.. am I in the middle of Bridgit Jones’s Diary? Suddenly the vacation I was looking forward to didn’t sound so cheery. Then my best friend went off and went skating without me, and, to top it off, there was the cheery Christmas scene at my house that I was left out of. So, I went to Borders.

I bought one book and read another. I felt immensely better after hiding in the craft section and reading How Full Is Your Bucket? Positive Strategies for Work and Life. I highly recommend this very simple book and might get a copy for everyone I know. I also made an interesting sociological discovery: Business books are just self-help books that use the word “business” in them and are in the business section!! They are self-help books for men! I just discovered a whole new place to browse. Then I went and got me some onion rings.

My roommate’s parents are here. They look at me and speak to me. They are sweet and it feels really good. Like my roommates, they eat my food. Unlike my roommates, they also share. I finished school today. I am now a “master.” I gave my 30 days notice to my roommate/landlord. I’m going to the movies tonight with friends. Yesterday my bucket was drained. Today it is filling up again. Goodnight! I hope someone is loving you and filling your bucket. If not, I hope you can do something extra sweet for yourself. Sometimes onion rings help.

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Do you ever just feel so much compassion for people and our plight as humans? Me too. It’s a good thing we have movies to distract us! And TV, lots of TV! I’m writing tongue in cheek, but also being serious. So many people, (including me!) do things that I don’t approve of, like spend hours watching TV, but sometimes I just look at all of us and think, “whatever gets you through the night.” All I ask is that you take the Buddhist and medical oath approach and first do no harm. At their best, movies can serve as modern day sit-around-the-campfire stories that make life less raw and a little less scary by giving us all a pattern to observe and a connection to each other.

Some movies I might want to see

1. Isn’t this a Time?
2. Tristram Shandy: A Cock & Bull Story (R)
3. Bubble (R)
4. Cape of Good Hope (PG-13)
5. Christmas in the Clouds (PG)
6. Eight Below (PG)
7. The Family Stone (PG-13)
8. Last Holiday (PG-13)
9. Munich (R)
10. The New World (PG-13)
11. The Producers
    

Movies I certainly want to see

1. The Real Dirt on Farmer John (Not rated)
2. Syriana (R)
3. Transamerica (R)
4. Something New (PG 13)

Movies I have seen
This year I most highly recommend Brokeback Mountain. Please see it and be amazed at the universality of love.

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Christmas lights in Baltimore.

This started with one house,

and then all the neighbors on the block joined in.

They have decorated with their own Baltimorian flare.

This is the hubcap tree,

and the beer ornaments.

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I was going to write a deep post about how sometimes people get overwhelmed with the problems in the world and don’t do the little things because they can’t do everything. But, I am on an unfamiliar computer and it took me forever to upload these pictures, so I’ll just get to introducing the cuteness that started these thoughts.

This is Pi. I found this little kitten outside on my mom’s picnic table a couple days ago. It is part of the posse of feral cats in the neighborhood, and we think it got abandoned because it was sick. My mom told me to get it out of the house immediately, but it had taken me 20 minutes to catch this wild cat and I wasn’t going to just put it back out in the cold. (It was very cold.) I took slow motion hunter like steps towards it until I was close and enough to reach out and grab it. I think I only caught it because it was sick. I brought it inside, and it was flattened out to the floor and scared. As you can see, it warmed up to me pretty soon. Pi was falling asleep in this picture.

I think I was there for it’s first human induced purr. I pet it’s back a couple times and it was like it’s motor started for the first time. It looked surprised. It started purring this loud purr that didn’t quit the whole time we had it. Eventually, after I started crying, my mom came around and let me keep it in the house and helped me find some people to help it. (I am a stranger in a strange land on Christmas vacation.) I don’t think this kitten had ever eaten food besides nursing so it took it awhile to eat the cat food and cream of wheat we gave it.

It was very happy to be held, and very sad if I ever left the bathroom where we kept it, (so it wouldn’t pass along whatever sickness it had to our cats). Sandy, the cat healer and rescuer, took it and assured me she would heal it up and then find Pi a home. Most of the animals we’ve had have been rescued and were/are part of our family. I hope Pi has a nice life. Whoever gets this playful and loving kitten will be lucky. Oh yeah, and just because you cannot save all the stray cats in the world doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try and save one.

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A quiz result, but hey, I haven’t posted one in a while.

You are ‘Silent Night’! You really enjoy Christmas, and you like your Christmases conventional. For you, Christmas is about family and traditions, and you rather enjoy the rituals of going to church at midnight and turning off the lights before flaming the plum pudding. Although you find Christmas shopping frustrating, you like the excitement of wrapping and hiding presents, and opening a single door on the Advent Calendar each day. You like the traditional carols, and probably teach the children to sing along to them. More than anyone else, you will probably actually have a merry Christmas.
Take this quiz!

Found via Ministrare who is getting in the spirit.

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Check out the list of critics picks at Reading matters.

It looks like Ian McEwan’s Saturday and Kazuo Ishiguro’s Never Let Me Go topped the poll, with four votes apiece.

Personally, I have to thumb through a fiction book really carefully. I don’t read much fiction any more and have the bar set really high for a world I am about to get absorbed in. I am willing to go to an alright movie, but it better be a 5 star book (fiction that is.)

Forget 2005, what is/are your favorite fiction book/s of all time? (Please! I need a good read for my long pre-Christmas travel day!)

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This is the time for cataloguing. What I have (Thanksgiving.) What I want (Christmas.) Who do I love and what shall I give them? Today I am also gathering up all my projects for an online portfolio, and more importantly, gathering up my list of skills, my list of favorite job characteristics, my list of what companies I want to work for, and the names of who I will contact at those companies. Soon it will be New Years and time for gathering up my favorites from the year, my memories, my hopes for the future. I like gathering and listing. Well, I dread it, but then I feel better. Like everything is squared away and finally, a little less chaotic.

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A list of wants that are buyable, ’cause my family keeps asking.

The big one, in descending order of cost

• Ecologically built house in a co-housing neighborhood by the mountains and the sea, in the country near a city, close enough that I can ride to it on a bike, or a train. :)
• Ecologically built house
• House
• Townhouse
• Condo
• Very small condo

Technology (may add specifics later)

• New computer! A tablet pc (sorry mac, but I want a tablet.)
• Printer
• Scanner
• Video camera
• Digital camera
• Voice recorder

More

• A combo CD player, tape player, and radio that has good quality sound and is fairly small.
• A tempurpedic mattress. (I have one of the pillows and I like it, but I think I need a softer one.)
• A softer tempurpedic like pillow.

I can live without but would be nice if you happen to win it in a contest

• New fuel-efficient, part-electrically powered car

Other car stuff

• Oil change
• General check up
• Air conditioning
• CD player for my current car
• Tape player for my current car

Services

• Training with Steve Andreas (seriously, I really want to take all these trainings.)
• Personal Sessions with Steve Andreas
• Personal Sessions with Connirae Andreas
• A haircut from Devachan salon or a certified Devachan hair stylist

Highest priorities from my Amazon wish list

• The Five Keys to Permanent Stress Reduction by Neil Fiore
• The Science of Fitness with Tamilee: I Want That Body! by Tamilee Webb -ok I couldn’t wait, I just bought this for myself today. A steel butt by Christmas! Actually, I did start using this over two years ago. I paused the video during the intro to look at Tamilee’s little half moon butt on the TV screen. I stared at it while thinking positive half-moon butt thoughts. She used weights during the piddly 15 minute work out. I was training for a marathon at the time and could not get through the whole 15 minutes even without weights! I swear to you that within 3 or 4 times of doing the video I lost 3 inches off my booty. And I did eventually get a perfect half-moon butt! It was amazing. Then I had to stare at my own butt in awe. A friend told me with true feeling in her voice that she loved my butt. I eventually moved to the longer Firm videos. Now my butt looks like a large ballooning doughy lump of dough, starting to dribble down the back of my legs (seriously, this all is more than I intended to write) and I don’t have the time or inclination to do the whole Firm videos anymore, so I’m going back to my half-moon roots. (Hey! If I ever start a production company, I can call it Half-Moon Productions! In honor of my booty’s glory days!)
• Making Friends with Death : A Buddhist Guide to Encountering Mortality by Judith L. Lief
• Writing Your Dissertation in Fifteen Minutes a Day: A Guide to Starting, Revising, and Finishing Your Doctoral Thesis by Joan Bolker
• City Comforts: How to Build an Urban Village, Revised Edition by David Sucher
• Creating Optimism : A Proven, 7-Step Program for Overcoming Depression by Alicia Fortinberry

You can find the cheapest online prices for books including shipping costs at Fetchbook.

Hair Products (Thank you to the great site Curly Links for the list)

• TRESemme Conditioners - Vitamin E Moisture Rich or Pro Vitamin B5 & Aloe Remoisturizing or Vitamin E & Aloe Colour Revitalizing
  
• Aussie Moist Conditioner
• Soft Sheen Carson Optimum Care Stay Strong Conditioner
  
• DevaCurl Conditioners
  Buy from NaturallyCurly.com’s CurlMart
  Buy from Devachan Salon

• TRESemme Smooth De-Frizzing Moisture Gel
• TRESemme Tres Gel Clean-Hold
• LaBella Lots of Curls Extra Hold Styling Gel

Surprises from the Heart

I have a friend who usually does not want anyone to give him conventional gifts. He thinks they are too commercial. He often gives handmade gifts and requests the same. For his birthday he asked for homemade gifts from the heart and got some great gifts. So, besides books, an ecologically built house, and styling gel, I would love homemade gifts or other gifts from your heart.

Most of the things I get complimented on were gifts from my gracious family. Their generosity is everywhere.

Merry (planning for) Christmas!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Want to create your own wishlist without all the copy and pasting? Here are some wishlist sites (untested by me.)

• The things I want
• Kaboodle
• Wishlist

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Pandora is a cool idea. Musicians have analyzed thousands of songs based on their musical characteristics. You type in a favorite artist or song, and then they create a playlist based on the musical elements in the song you chose. The idea is that you will like similar songs. It seems pretty cool. You can try it out for 10 hours for free to see if you like it.

I put in “Elderly Woman Behind The Counter in a Small Town” by Pearl Jam. You know, the one that goes, “hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away…” The first song they played for me was Donegal Express by Shane MacGowen and the Popes. You can give the song thumbs up or down, buy it, or make a new playlist. You can aso find out the answer to “Why this song?” The answer in this case:

…Because it features folk influences, mild rhythmic syncopation, melodic songwriting, major key tonality, and a twelve-eight time signature.

Hmm. Cool! I might have another entry for my Christmas list. Now I’m just wondering what songs I should put in. Any suggestions?

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Today as I was stretching in NIA, after we were dancing to music as we thought of something/s we’re really greatful for, I thought, “I’m going to think of what I’m greatful for everyday. I’m going to post everything I’m greatful for on my blog! I’ll do it everyday until the end of the year! I’m going to rename my blog ‘Braidwood Praises,’ or “Braidwood Thanks.’ ” Sometimes I’m just TOO much!

Well, I just read my email, and I am going to have to amend my posting strategy. First I’ll post everything I’m bitter about, then I’ll post greatful. That will work much better.

Bitter:
GA! Everyone is nominating my co-chair for our church’s outstanding service award!!! This is very annoying for many reasons. Most of all it is annoying because I was going to nominate her- I had no thought of myself- really. But I thought I would nominate her in private so it wouldn’t look like an inside job because we are co-chairs. I was feeling all proud of her and glad she would be nominated. And then at our meeting someone else publicly nominated her, and someone else seconded it and now she just thanked two more people who nominated her on our email list!! Well isn’t that sweet. Here I am having long email conversations with people who: don’t like the way we vote, don’t understand how our list works, need such and such, and she is emailing a thank you to her many admirers. I really like my co-chair. (GA!) and like how we work together, so I knew I had to get this out somewhere. Again, GA! This is so irritating. I’m finally sympathizing with that protoypical invisible office worker who really runs everything but gets no credit. Oh yes, I have worked long effective hours. So, I ran a bad meeting once. GA!!!

Oh yeah, and I’m greatful for:
The rain, the cuddly cat, warm Mexican style chicken soup, Gilmore girls, that people let me be their co-chair (GA!!!) ok scratch that one for now, my fun projects I am working on, my talents, that I like dancing, the fun parties I went to this weekend, that my friend came to NIA with me, that I have fun Christmas and Thanksgiving plans, my new NLP guide. GA! Goddammit, give me some credit! (Sorry, sudden reversion to bitter.) And… I’m very greatful I did not give this link to my church group!! Ha! :) People who have it, and you know who you are, SILENCE!

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My friend Laura just reminded me that I have fallen off the face of the blogosphere lately. For some reason, when I blog, I tend to think a lot about blogging and there are other things I like to think about. For instance, my family. My Granddad has been in town visiting and he has Alzheimer’s. Everybody with Alzheimer’s is different and my granddad has amazingly kept his wit, his silliness and his sweetness. He does occasionally forget who we are. He forgot his old car I was loading my stuff into. “Granddad, you gave me this car.” “I wouldn’t have just given someone a car would I?” “Well, you made me pay you a dollar.” “Isn’t it funny, that car doesn’t even look vaguely familiar…” “It will in a minute.” I said. The back was up and I thought he would remember the car when he saw the bumper sticker with the name of his hometown on it. I slowly closed the back of the car. “Oh!” he said and tried to smile as he started to cry, “Now I think I remember.”

Oh, my Granddad.

In other news, soon I will be starting school and I can not comfortably handle all this typing. It doesn’t help that I have the most unergonomic set-up ever. So, with my Christmas money, I am going to purchase Dragon Naturally Speaking version 8. I haven’t decided to get the pack that comes with a voice recorder or without. Everyone says the voice recorder it comes with is crappy. I think my life and my creative output will improve tremendously with my new gadget.

Speaking of gadgets, my Lucent Technology 1725 answering machine has died and I can’t get a direct replacement because someone else is now making that model. I happen to love gadgets and have bought some stinkers because of my craving. However, I made a really good decision when I decided to go with the expensive 1725. It was really a pleasure to use and I was thankful for it everyday that I used it. It just illustrates the heaven of good design. I mean, have you ever had something that you used daily that caused you minor daily frustration, don’t you come to hate or at least resent it? Oh how I loved my answering machine! It was so nifty! It was so easy to use, so sleek and so fun. Now, what will I do? Where will I go? How will anyone get a hold of me?

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I’m becoming cynical.

Oh and wouldn’t you know it, just as I’m about to declare myself a misanthrope the postman comes and brings me not one but two Christmas packages. (One was so late that he said my aunt could get her money back.) Well, people still suck but, heart softened, I will amend my opinion somewhat.

So, here’s what I’ve noticed that is bringing me down a little. People like strength and tend to attack or at least avoid weakness. I’m not excluding myself here, I hate to admit, and if you are excluding yourself as you read, just think about the people you like. Aren’t you attracted to confidence (real confidence, not covering up bravado,) as opposed to social weaklings with no social skills? And if you are kind to those broken winged birds, (I am,) wouldn’t you still rather be seen with the more normal people that you know? (I would.) Then there’s greed. I’ve been thunderstruck in these last four years by what lengths people will go to because they are greedy. I had never given it much thought as an evil before I’d seen it result in murder and torture. Oh and there’s more, of course there are really awful people who do horrible things, but they have the comfort of seeming like an anomaly. The hen pecking [you know, how hens peck out the eyes of weaker birds] I’ve finally woken up to seems to be ubiquitous.

I’ve had such faith in humans and have been such a champion of them. Now I’m turning into an old Mark Twain. Alright, so I promised I would amend this cynicism somewhat and here it is. While I think all the above is true, it is also true that humans can choose to be kind and good and that many have and do. The Dali Lama thinks that people’s core nature is compassion. I will give us this: it feels good to be compassionate and kind, therefore it must be in our structure somehow. So… I will not abandon my life’s work of making life better and happier for humans. (Aren’t you relieved?) But, I will continue my practice of appreciation, which makes me notice what people are really like here and now, and I will be wary of the humans, revealing my vulnerabilities cautiously, because many of them can only be trusted so far. Stupid humans.

Addendum:

Here are more examples of people’s tendency to attack (in one way or another) weaker people. (For the cynic in your life.) The first example is well known: most kids will be mean to the weakest (bodily, mentally, emotionally) kid. “Kids can be cruel.”

Then there’s the “blame the victim” mentality that so often accompanies crime, especially rape. This tendency usually has to be educated out of people. It’s a protective psychological reaction based on fear. Here’s the psychological logic: a person hears about a horrific crime and is terrified it could happen to them (or someone they love.) So, somewhere in their mind they say, “This never would have happened if the victim didn’t do such and such. I never do such and such, therefore, this couldn’t happen to me.”

The last time I saw this happen was in Utah when Elizabeth Smart got kidnapped for months. People who would never blame a rape victim were saying, “She went with him because she was trained to be obedient. That would never happen to a street smart kid who hadn’t been raised in a church where she was trained to be obedient.” Well, if it helps you sleep better at night… The truth, of course, is that strong grown men trained to resist torture are still subject to the Stockholm syndrome. It’s more the sharpness of the knife than the toughness of the hand that determines the depth of the cut, but that makes the world a kind of scary place. Maybe I can forgive humans for their stupid cruelty after all.

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