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I’m reading It’s Only Too Late If You Don’t Start Now by Barbara Sher which is just the thing if you are having a mid-life crisis (or, if you are advanced like me, if you are having a 1/3 life crisis.)

She says to ask yourself: “What would be the best thing for me?

My plans for the summer are changing because my Granddad fell and broke his hip. My family will not be able to gather after all. My mom would like me to come help with my Granddad. I’ve been thinking about what I want to do. I read this and asked myself, “What would be the best thing for me?”

I’m so tired, I just want to lay on the grass in the sun, maybe at a park. Is that ok, world? Can I just lay on the grass? I’ll have some big dreams later today.

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In my recent quest to learn everything I can and finally be totally perfect and have a wonderful life! I’m reading: First Impressions: What you don’t know about how others see you by Ann Demarais and Valerie White.

It’s very informative and I can see many blunders in the people around me, but the authors said to focus on evaluating myself. Oh.

It turns out that I have a LOT to learn about making first impressions! After reading this book, I’m surprised that I have any friends at all! It’s really highly informative and I think it will be useful, but it’s also overwhelming.

I’m going to avoid the temptation to list everything that I could improve, that might be banal and provide more detail than you would like to hear.

Also, it might be construed as complaining. According to the book, complaining is seen as the most boring type of conversation. Complaining even provokes hostility because it involves

“the boring person’s violation of a norm that prohibits ‘the wholesale boredom of others.’”

I would tell you more about what is in the book, but as a good conversational partner, I now want to hear about YOU! YOU! fabulous YOU! I am completely interested in, and can’t wait to hear, what you have to say. (It’s true!)

Ok, your turn! What do you think about me and what I had to say?

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I just read a really interesting book called Awaken Your Strongest Self by Neil Fiore. It’s a little strange on first glance but I bought it based on the amazingness of his last book The Now Habit which is a highly lauded book about how to overcome procrastination. I read it before my last semester of grad school and the method he suggested really worked for me

In his new book, he talks about how the different parts of our brain can work together in harmony. There are a few ideas in his book that I’d tweak and some additional information I think would be useful to add that I might talk about in another post. He suggests a lot of homework that I haven’t done yet, so I can’t speak to the effectiveness of this program. I have hung a lot of the affirmations he suggests up in my house and I’m beginning to see the value and wisdom of them.

In his book, he says that, among other parts, we have the emotional legacy of our baby self who had limitless possibilities and was all powerful. About typical affirmations that say that anything is possible he says, do you really want your two year old self running the show? Hmmm… Read below to see they type of statements he suggests you tell yourself.

AWAKEN YOUR STRONGEST SELF: Speaking from Your Higher Brain*
Neil Fiore, PhD

When you, from the perspective and roles of your Strongest Self, speak these compassionate statements to the frightened and overwhelmed parts of you, you can:

  • Create inner peace by connecting your identity to something stronger and wiser than your ego
  • Transition to a new, robust self-image
  • Access support and strength to cope with changing situations and relationships
  • Reduce the stress and anxiety of struggling alone, separated from your True Self
  • Empower yourself with the protective role, higher perspective, and compassionate voice of your Strongest Self

The following inner dialogue is more powerful than typical affirmations because you are speaking to a part of you that is separated from your larger support system and, therefore, is easily overwhelmed and stressed. You are empowered to protect and guide the parts that have limited––and out-dated––ways of coping with life. You, from your new perspective, can shift to an expanded identity that empowers you to protect your body and smaller “selves” and guide them toward inner peace.

In the compassion voice of your Strongest Self, you replace stress with safety and
connection by saying:

  • Regardless of what happens in life, your worth is always safe with me.
  • Regardless of what you can or cannot do, you are always worthwhile.
  • Regardless of whether you win or lose, you deserve love, pleasure, and freedom from self-criticism.
  • Regardless of what happens to you, you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. I will always respect my life and my body.
  • Regardless of who stays or who goes, I am on my side. I will never abandon you. [My tweak: "... I will always stay with you."]
  • Regardless of how healthy or ill you become, I appreciate the effort, wisdom, and protection given me by you, my body and my spirit.
  • Regardless of how negative or intense your emotions, I acknowledge their validity for you, and I accept them completely. I am strong enough to be with your emotions. [My tweak: "Regardless of how positive, negative, intense or mild..."]
  • Regardless of how uncomfortable others are with you, your feelings or your body, I will always accept you and remain at peace with you. [My tweak: "Regardless of how comfortable..."]
  • Regardless of what happens in life, and regardless of your problems, I accept you and love you completely.
  • Regardless of the health or weakness of my body, I can always heal my spirit.

*Adapted from Awaken Your Strongest Self [McGraw-Hill, 2006] and
Coping with the Emotional Impact of Cancer (BayTree, 2008)

© Neil Fiore, Ph.D., 1998-2007 All rights reserved. Permission is granted to reproduce, copy, or
distribute so long as this copyright notice and the full contact information listed below attached.
Neil Fiore, PhD, 1496 Solano Ave., Albany, CA 94706 voice: 510/ 525-2673
www.neilfiore.com www.yourstrongestself.com E-mail: neil@neilfiore.com

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I pretty much love this woman. I saw her book The Guerrilla Art Kit in a store today, looked it up online to put on my wishlist, and then went to her blog. Once there, I realized that I had already seen her blog before, probably linked to from an Illustration site?

She has awesome links, and awesome advice. Just check out what she says about Letting Yourself Soar:

We all unknowingly carry a variety of myths about ourselves.  These myths are collected over time and sometimes they have the effect of sabotaging out attempts at being highly functional people.  So here’s the trick…the dark myths or labels that you hold about yourself will give you some insight into how you work.  Some of the things we have been taught are negative are actually our greatest strengths.  The key for me was shifting my perception of then and starting to really use them in my life and work.  We all have the power to reinvent ourselves at any time.

PS: She has created an extremely informative period chart. That is what took my “like” to “love.”

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Merle’s Door

One of the great things about quitting my job has been getting to spend time reading. One of the books I read over Christmas was Merle’s Door. Here’s what my mom has to say about it:

I finished reading Merle’s door - I don’t know if you checked out the website - but you can see pictures & a slide show at www.kerasote.com and listen to an interview if you want.
What a great dog story! And a people story too and inspiring to how we treat each other.

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Everybody poops

This is the book I thought of as I squatted over a hole I had just dug in the sand, on a hill, with a plane flying overhead. I kept dropping the toilet paper and all my other accoutrements because I was trying to hurry, and laughing at myself because the whole process was just so ridiculous.

I went camping this weekend. We learned about digging holes for our poop and packing out the toilet paper we used before we went. :( I am very regular, and I didn’t want to poop in the desert with no toilets, where we have to pack out our own used toilet paper, wahhhh! So, I thought, I’ll just eat lots of cheese over the weekend and thus AVOID pooping! Ha HA!

But, no. Alas, along with my sleep pad and numerous other items, I forgot my cheese. Thus, this fine glorious morning, I set out on a hike, over a hill, past another hill, up a hill between two bigger hills. Far away from my camp mates, but still not totally safe from random hikers. (Our guide suggested we just nod to anyone who happened to pass by. (As if to say, “Hey, what’s up.”?))

I picked out a sandy spot, careful to avoid the areas with ants. I dug the hole. I squatted there in the morning sun, in the peaceful quiet, on a sandy hill. A small plane flew overhead. Hey, what’s up, plane. Everybody poops.

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Tales and Legends 2

This is my first Illustration Friday in forevvverrr. You can categorize your art on the Illustration Friday site now. This is pretty much the definition of naive art. I used Scribbles. I used to use Windows Paint. Oh, my ultra low-tech tech paintings. Now I have a mac, so I tried out Scribbles.

This is a picture of Coyote, the legendary trickster. He is such a goose, he is trying to catch his tail. If you want to read a funny, thought provoking story that is as whirly as Coyote, check out Green Grass, Running Water by Thomas King.

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In Defense of Food

My food resolution this year is simple: eat food. What else would I eat, you ask? Well, according to Michael Pollan in his book In Defense of Food, there is now a lot of edible non-food available in the grocery store.

He writes about the history of food in America and how the idea of what we should eat has been taken over by well intentioned scientists and self-interested industry. We now have a near mono-culture of soybeans and corn. He talks about all the concessions that the USDA has made in their labeling and reccomendations because of industry pressure. I think I just found a consession he didn’t mention.

My friend Laura over at Starling Fitness lists the oils that the USDA reccomends which include soybean oil and corn oil. Those are our surplus crops, but I highly doubt we need ever more of those products in our body. Very interesting… I wonder if someone out there on the internet has already unravled this mystery.

I couldn’t find the spot on where the USDA recommends these oils. I did find a page where they are listed. They use vague language about the oils, so maybe they are trying to avoid industry wrath without lying.

Oils come from many different plants and from fish. Some common oils are:

  • canola oil
  • corn oil
  • cottonseed oil
  • olive oil
  • safflower oil
  • soybean oil
  • sunflower oil

I highly recommend In Defense of Food.  You can listen to Michael Pollan’s six minutes of advice about nutrition and read an excerpt from his book on NPR, and listen to the more interesting and longer interview he did about the content of his book The Omnivore’s Dilemma.

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Last week I went for some bookstore therapy with a gift card in my wallet. I got some great books including “Finding Flow” by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (pronounced Chik-SENT-me-high-ee.) I find it to be a very encouraging book and it’s motivated me to get off my butookus and get some exercise the last few days. ChiksSENTmehighee also reassured me this morning as I woke up to my first newly unemployed Monday. He said that jobs are unsatisfying for three main reasons:

  1. They are meaningless or worse yet, they put energy towards negative ends.
  2. They are boring and tedious.
  3. They are stressful, often as a result of negative interactions with peers and co-workers. 

My job was mildly positively meaningful, very boring and tedious, and I had good relationships with my co-workers and my boss.  I did what ChikSentmehighee recommends in the face of a boring job. I studied each step intensively. I made the process hugely more efficient which eventually halved the hours my job took. My old boss was very appreciative of all my extra energy and initiative and rewarded me with interesting projects to fill up my newly freed hours, and flexibility on the job, including letting me work flexible hours. I worked near the people I was serving, so I was also appreciated by the people I was near. My job was still only mildly meaningful and still somewhat dull, but I put energy into it and was appreciated. When my boss quit a few months ago. I was moved to a new department. My new boss didn’t seem to appreciate the high quality work I did and the extra energy I put into my work, but she was quite peeved when I didn’t “follow her directives” which included checking in with her before I left my office (???) and other ridiculous rules that didn’t have anything to do with how well I could do my job.  She rewarded my efficiency with more dull and boring work to fill up the hours. Just what I always wanted! And also rewarded my self-motivating and self-starting work ethic with closer supervision and more rules.  I was also in a separate building from my main “customers” so I didn’t work near people who knew that I worked from home a couple hours on my day off to make their lives easier. After trying to work out better working conditions for myself, and getting no helpfulness from my boss, I gave a heap load of notice, and quit without a new job already in place. People say I’m brave. I read about the possible reccesion over the weekend and thought that I may be very foolish. ChickSENTmehighee thinks I  made a good choice though. He says,

“Perhaps the only choice is to quit as quickly as possible even in the face of severe financial hardship. In terms of the bottom line of one’s life, it is always better to do something that one feels good about than something that may make us materially comfortable but emotionally miserable.” 

Sometimes it helps to see it in print.Wishing you a great day with an emotionally healthy bottom line! I’m off to have an unemployed adventure!

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I got a goal workbook from a friend for Christmas. It looks like it will be very useful and I already started filling it out. I’m going to follow it up with a collage to keep me focused on my goals and to keep me inspired for the coming year.

You can download and print out the goal workbook here: www.tonyrobbins.com/pdfs/Momentum2006.pdf

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That darned ACLU

You give one charity $25 and before you know it, Anthony D. Romero from ACLU is writing you compelling donation letters. And you can say to the letter, “Look, I know I donated to you once, but I just quit my job and Christmas is coming up.” To which Anthony responds,

“At the heart of our work together is a fundamental struggle in our nation that pits confidence and optimism against fear and insecurity.”"Well, that is intriguing, Anthony. I mean, you’ve obviously really thought about this. you’re getting to the heart of the matter. I completely agree. But, like I said, I’m running on soon to be broke mode, so…. good luck to you.”

Then, with his deep, dark brown eyes, Anthony looks deep into mine and says, “I’m urging you today to make a year-end donation to the ACLU as a personal reflection of you commitment to the confident, determined, and hopeful spirit that are fundamental to protecting and advancing freedom.” (emphasis his)

“Wow, Anthony, how did you know I’m committed to a hopeful spirit and to advancing freedom? I really am. It’s like, we’re so.. sympatico… But, look, I just can’t give you a donation right now with a cheerful heart, which is my way, but I can write about this on my blog and maybe give you wider exposure to a richer audience…” (Now I feel a little guilty, he doesn’t know how few people read my blog.)

I think he’s disappointed, but Anthony has class, “Thank you for all you have done to defend freedom in this especially challenging period - and for the leadership I know you will continue to offer as we move freedom forward in 2008.”

No, thank you, Anthony. Thank you for your optimism and your clarity and your determination, thank you.

PS: As a bonus just for Anthony, here is a link to an article about Naomi Wolf’s new book which lists the ten steps that people use to turn democracies into dictatorships: 10 steps to dictatorship

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Ester

Hi, You hab nice bacation? Oh .. you go to nother city? That’s good. How long? two weeks? That’s good.

I heard you’re looking for a new place?

Why? You found something? Oh let me tell you. The old owner, she die. Now her children, one in Austin, one in Santa Monica, they sell house. People come and look, but no one buy. Is good for me. [looks up] please just one more month, two! No one buy, too expensive! Two million! Old house! But beautiful view, That’s why. Two million! One for him, one for her. I get tired of counting one, one, one, oh too much money I have in my purse! I lost track! Million, never work again.

Oh, daughter, she no eat. She not hungry. She only smoke, oh and drink black coffee. Smoke in one hand, coffee in other. And she have… beer. but no eat. I say, you want some food. She say, no Ester, no. She sits with her head in her hand, like this, poor baby. Poor baby! I try and help. I say, I do some laundry for you? She say, thank you ester. I have pajamas and my bedding. I say, OK.

Her mother, I help her. She die in March, just 4 days, she be 100. 100! She beautiful! Her face, beautiful, and so sweet. She intelligent. books! books, books, books, But her memory gone. She say only, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba. She look a person up all the way down to feet, up! ba, ba, ba, ba bery intelligent, first woman scientist here. I put my hand (she puts her hand on my shoulder) and she [she puts her hand on her shoulder and presses her face against it.] like this. Oh bery sweet.

Daughter look more old!

Nother surprise! Almost 100. No poo poo pee pee in pants. No. Never! Before she die, poo poo 4 times in bed, but never before that. She just uh uh, and I help like this to bathroom, take pants down, I say you up now? unh unh! No, she poo poo. Never diaper! Never! And her face, pink, and she take…[she motions]

earrings and necklace?

yeah, she take and put everyday, here, here, and I close lid. So sweet. I put my hand (she puts her hand on my shoulder) and she [she puts her hand on her shoulder and presses her face against it.] like this. Oh bery sweet.

So, I bery sad. I come out of my house. I live behind. I see the big house, I think oh, Margaret, my baby! But she 100. That’s too much. So, life.

But, no emergency. Maybe soon. You let me know. you tell people, Ester, she’s honest. She’s responsible.

Now, I look for job in the afternoon. I have my son, he’s in graduate school, and my daughter, she In graduate school, and I try to help out. I need one more job. I clean house, but now, I’m tired. They say, oh Ester, I don’t need cleaning today. I say, call, say no need. Gas is too expensive. I call and say, you need cleaning, say oh, my son and husband gone, not today, Ester.

My partner gone today, so I clean all the buildings, up, down. The worst is the classrooms and bathrooms on the first floor. Oh. today, throw up everywhere. in the sink, on the floor. the poo poo here, there, there. oh. Someone write in poo poo on mirror! Oh… I cry. not angry just, I try and make look so nice. oh. I think public can get in down there, maybe not someone from here.

Well, with job here I leave at 1 1:30, nice! So, I look for nother job. You hear? You tell, Ester honest, Ester responsible. I need more money, well, everybody need more money! But, now I think, Ester need more money!

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At my church I am officially a “young adult.” I don’t really like that title as I’m in my 30’s! I think I’m just a plain old adult. So, I look to the internet to back me up, and it does.

http://www.answers.com/main/ntquery;jsessionid=1eqmn3jtxeqvn?method=4&dsid=2222&dekey=Young+adult&gwp=8&curtab=2222_1&sbid=lc04b&linktext=Young%20adult

young adult

A young adult is someone in the transition from a teenager to an adult. It is usually informally considered to encompass the period from age 16 to age 25, although the exact period varies between societies and time periods.

In many societies, young adults encounter a number of issues as they begin to hold full-time jobs and take on other responsibilities of adulthood. Young adult literature is a literary genre of books written for this age group.


a·dult ( ?-d?lt, ?d?lt) pronunciation
n.

  1. One who has attained maturity or legal age.
  2. Biology. A fully grown, mature organism.

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Written December 22, 2005

There is an interesting study in the book How Full Is Your Bucket? Positive Strategies for Work and Life by Tom Rath and Donald O. Clifton. It talks about POW’s becoming hopeless just because they lose a sense of camaraderie. So, to prevent curling up in a corner and dying (POW fate) this book is exhorting people to fill each other’s buckets, to uplift, and encourage each other.

I read the entire book in Borders last night. I left my house when everyone in it was having dinner together but me. I walked out, said a cheery “Ciao!” and pretended I had somewhere to go. It was late, I started driving, and wondered where I should go. I was crying so it had to be somewhere dark. I stopped by the movies but it would be over an hour until the next one started. I had gotten a slightly manic email from my mom earlier in the day saying we had 6 Christmas parties to go to and that you never know when you will meet a man! Umm.. am I in the middle of Bridgit Jones’s Diary? Suddenly the vacation I was looking forward to didn’t sound so cheery. Then my best friend went off and went skating without me, and, to top it off, there was the cheery Christmas scene at my house that I was left out of. So, I went to Borders.

I bought one book and read another. I felt immensely better after hiding in the craft section and reading How Full Is Your Bucket? Positive Strategies for Work and Life. I highly recommend this very simple book and might get a copy for everyone I know. I also made an interesting sociological discovery: Business books are just self-help books that use the word “business” in them and are in the business section!! They are self-help books for men! I just discovered a whole new place to browse. Then I went and got me some onion rings.

My roommate’s parents are here. They look at me and speak to me. They are sweet and it feels really good. Like my roommates, they eat my food. Unlike my roommates, they also share. I finished school today. I am now a “master.” I gave my 30 days notice to my roommate/landlord. I’m going to the movies tonight with friends. Yesterday my bucket was drained. Today it is filling up again. Goodnight! I hope someone is loving you and filling your bucket. If not, I hope you can do something extra sweet for yourself. Sometimes onion rings help.

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April Rocks

Apparently, it’s national poetry month. Also national Humor Month! Also, my birthday! What a great month.

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When I was looking for Fat is a Feminist Issue in a bookstore the other day, I saw a book called The Body Project. It was all about the history of teenage girls and their relationship with their bodies. I don’t know if you know any teenage girls well. I know girls at my church who seem to have escaped this detour from living, but I also know many girls including my cousin, including me as a teenager, who make the biggest project in their lives the reshaping and improvement of their bodies.

Grown women often do this, but some of them move on to improving other aspects of themselves, like their emotions or their social skills. This seems less shallow. But it is still approaching yourself as if you need to be fixed. So, instead of putting your energy into doing things that you enjoy, you put energy into making yourself better. It is a difference in orientation to yourself and to life. Are you in yourself, a subject that is living life, or are you viewing yourself, an object that needs to be better.

I think one of the basic questions is: Can I trust my own desires? If I do what I like, am I going to be ok? Don’t I need to monitor myself closely and then fix myself? Thinking anecdotally, I can group this difference somewhat by gender. Most self-help books seem to be directed at women. I can picture men playing sports and climbing mountains and women counting calories and measuring their thighs. This is a sad state of affairs. I don’t know how accurate that stereotype is. Picturing some men who don’t work at self-improvement, I realize that the urge to fix yourself is not all bad. ;) Maybe the best way to live is with balance, introspecting and focusing on the outer world.

I thought of this post because my vision is wavering, as if I’m looking at one of those ambivalent pictures where you can see two different things depending on where you focus; like a square popping in or out. I feel an urge to get into life more! Blame it on Spring, if you want. As many women know, dieting can actually be energizing, especially in the planning stages. Anything that makes you feel in control of your destiny can feel good. In the end though, that feeling of getting into life fades when you make your body your project, because it ends up feeling more like getting ready for life than living it. I’m taking my urge to do something and shifting it to where I need more balance: doing something fun. I’m going to take up a couple activities I’ve been wanting to do for awhile, including improv! I hope this post helps someone who needs it to see the other picture. I welcome your thoughts.

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Hey all ya’ll! Just got back from my first day of work. Here is my advice to me and you. If you have additional advice, I’d love to hear it!

  1. Make everything as convenient as possible: convenient haircut, under 10 minute meals, convenient transportation. Make it as easy on yourself as possible.
  2. You work for you. Do your best job you can for your company, and remember to keep your list of accomplishments updated and to keep your eyes open for opportunity. Don’t misplace your loyalties. Don’t bond to an entity that can’t bond back, and while doing your best job now, remember your long term goals.
  3. Choose your tasks with awareness. As set in stone as job descriptions sounds, there is usually some leeway to follow different paths. Sometimes women are used to being in support positions and helping someone else achieve their dreams, even at work. Make sure you take what leeway you have in your job to create. Be the architect of your own dreams.
  4. Decide not only what you will do, but how you will do it. I like to ask myself, how can I make this fun? I realized today that for me it is fun to have friendly relationships at work. Asking myself, “How can I make this fun?” reminded me to seek out human contact even though I was feeling shy.
  5. Add pleasure to your daily routine. Do you just love a certain author? Get the book on tape to listen to while you drive to work. Put a postcard size replica of your favorite painting up in your cubicle.

I don’t know how parents can take care of their kids and work full time jobs. Working parents of the world, I salute you. Future husband, please start doing something that you can earn enough money working part time at and still help support our future family. I’ll work on that too.

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Hey all ya’ll! It’s been awhile. I’m still looking for a place to live so that I can get to my new job easily. When I’ve had spare time I’ve been looking up rooms and apartments, calling places, and visiting them. It feels like a microcosm of looking for a husband. I see a lot of places that don’t quite fit and hold out for something better and then miss places that would have been better than having nothing, and I have to find somewhere to live. I comfort myself with the thought that when it comes to husbands I don’t have to settle because I don’t have to have a husband. I have high hopes for a place I’m looking at tonight.

I’ve been staying with my friend Red since the 7th. It’s actually been kind of fun. It’s not much different than our usual friendship because we do our own thing and we talk at the same times during the day when we used to talk on the telephone. We have fought less than usual. We usually only fight about ideas- we get along well in the course of living. Of course, when we talk about ideas, I find myself appealingly sagacious and him irritatingly obtuse.

He read a book called A General Theory of Love and was telling me about the ideas. I disagree with part of it and he was furious because I hadn’t even read it. So, I read it. I still disagreed with the same part of it, but really enjoyed most of it. (The part I disagreed with might be fodder for FMH because one of the author’s ideas is that it is harmful for babies to get their emotional needs met from a variety of caretakers and that the mother should be the primary emotional rock. I think that is an incredibly modern idea and that the truth is that people are fairly tribal and that a child with many caring adults in their life is going to be happier and the mom is going to be a lot happier too.)

So, today we were listening to NPR which doesn’t bode well for our happy household. They were talking about torture. I think that people can torture other people because they think of them as less than human, or as “other” and they are very loyally tied to their own “tribe” and part of that is doing the “tribe’s” will. That is how people can do horrible things and still think of themselves as a good person. We can all witness this in action in our selves. To take it to an extreme, most of us can brush our teeth or take antibiotics and destroy little life forms without guilt. Then comes the more familiar life forms like chicken and fish and cows, that many of us eat and still consider ourselves to be good people. It’s the same process. We are emotionally tied to beings we consider in our group. I think following orders that are cruel, and prejudice are some of the dark sides of a limbic brain that allows us the beautiful ability to bond to our babies and love other people, and creatures. Red, full of feeling, I think erroneously bows before this limbic system seeing it as all good and our neo-cortex as the cause of all our evils. He thinks that people can torture other people because they are not connected enough to their hearts/limbic brains.

What do you all think?

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Moving can be lonely. (The alternate title to this post.) It reminds me that I am still a wandering troubadour, not the co-house living, bed with my lover sharing, pregnant bellied woman, just got home from the farmer’s market woman I have pictured in my head. So, my small sadness this month has been loneliness. I have so many people, but have not felt that anyone else was sharing my life. I called my mom and she said she is sharing my life. She reminded me of the people at church who complimented me when she was here, and in my uber lonely state the other night I said that they were just being polite.

I guess for me having people share my life and care about me means that they help me, and the meaning of the help (that they really do care and that I can count on them) is more important than the help itself. Sometimes I am so needy and it’s embarrassing. I wanted to call my friend this morning and ask him if I could visit just so he could hug me, but I didn’t know what he would say. I told him later, and he said he wanted to be there for me to support me. Tomorrow he is coming over to help me pack. Other people have offered to help me move all of my stuff on Saturday, and tonight I had the advance decorating crew.

Two girlfriends who I feel really comfortable with came over, ate my very home spun meal with kind words, and helped me move my decorations to my new place. These included scarves, pictures, and assorted knickknacks. We moved the furniture, moved it again, hung pictures, considered fung shui. I needed an advance decorating crew to make this move feel positive. I just had this image of moving into a new place and sitting in a bare room for a month as I slowly settled in. It seemed so depressing after making my current room so cute. Friend S was going to bring sage to clear out the energy of past residents. Friend A was going to bring her baggua book. They both forgot, but they couldn’t have done any ceremony or positioned things more fung shuily to better accomplish what I needed than what they did. To have people really consider, with earnestness, where you should hang your Buddhist prayer flags, and find just the right place for your poseable Aragorn action figure is like a magical dispeller of loneliness.

I wrote this a couple days ago, and the idea of “community” has come up several times since then. This post is about how neccesary for community it feels to have people know and care about the details of my life.

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Wow, surfing the web can take you to some facinating places. Here are some of the interesting, slightly related links I found while looking for the links to put in my recent post about diet being like a religion (which I didn’t find):

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Have you noticed how diets are like the new religion? I guess it’s not surprising considering how diets are equated with morality in our modern world. Being thin is equated with being beautiful and both are equated with being good. When you are talking about your worth and morality, you’ve got quite a touchy subject on your hands. I think when it comes to diet, like when it comes to religion, I’m a Unitarian Universalist, not a fundamentalist.

Back in December, I had an online conversation which made me feel like I was unexpectedly at a revival when I thought I was at a block party. In an online radiant recovery group, a woman who was having trouble with cravings asked for advice and I replied:

I have the same trouble and have jumped in and skipped steps several times in this program. One HUGE support for me has been supplements. I highly recommend reading The Mood Cure, taking the mood quiz and getting the applicable supplements. That has helped me a LOT. Good luck!

I was then chastened by the moderator, and realized I had stumbled into a revival:

…Just wanted to let you know that on this list we don’t discuss supplements and other programs. Our… list is used for social support and interaction, planning get-togethers, and issues of doing this program as it relates to our geographical area…

Kathleen DeMaisons, the author of Potatoes not Prozac, chimed in with her thoughts about the Mood Cure:

and for the record, I would like to say, I respectfully disagree with Julia Ross’ approach to healing. I think that recommending a gadzillion supplements reinforcing addictive thinking about *taking* things to get well. I know that eating breakfast is not sexy and takes longer, but that is where we are at with this program.

warmly,
kathleen

I don’t mind that Kathleen doesn’t agree with me, but I don’t want to be in a group where I can only say what we’ve all agreed we can say. What is the point in talking if we can’t share our real experiences?! I wrote an ultra (I hope) diplomatic letter in response today:

Hi Kathleen and Peggy,

I really like PnP, it has helped me a lot, and I was looking forward to being on this list, because I am definitely sugar sensitive. Other things have helped too, including The Mood Cure. Kathleen, I think it is interesting that you don’t like Julia’s approach, since you also recommend supplements. She recommends very reasonable amounts of supplements, and her book is very helpful in finding out which supplements work for which ailments, and understanding how food choices affect mood.

I understand that people have differences of opinions. I like variety, and I need to be in a group where I can bring all of me to the table. Peggy, telling me I can’t mention supplements makes me feel a little like I’m in a fundamentalist church, and I can’t be honest about my experience. Also, if I can’t share honestly, I worry that other people aren’t able to share honestly either. I’m considering leaving the group.

I wish you all the best and am still very open to meeting with people who are following the PnP program. I would love to get together in person or talk by email and support each other along our perhaps slightly different but still intertwined journeys…

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When it comes to fiction, many people are not to be trusted. (Check out this reader’s list and you’ll see what I mean!) I’m still searching for a good book to read. I’ve read the books in brown. (I may have read others in school, but I only counted the ones I could really remember.) I can already tell this list is not to be trusted, there is John Irving and no Amy Tan. Ok, what we really need, and it is probably out there, is a service which connects you with other people who have the same favorite books and then you can see what their other favorite books are, and thereby get useful reccomendations.

1. The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
2. The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
3. The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
4. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
5. The Color Purple by Alice Walker
6. Ulysses by James Joyce
7. Beloved by Toni Morrison
8. The Lord of the Flies by William Golding
9. 1984 by George Orwell
10. The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner
11. Lolita by Vladmir Nabokov
12. Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
13. Charlotte’s Web by E.B. White
14. A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man by James Joyce
15. Catch-22 by Joseph Heller
16. Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
17. Animal Farm by George Orwell
18. The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway
19. As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner
20. A Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway
21. Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad
22. Winnie-the-Pooh by A.A. Milne
23. Their Eyes are Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston
24. Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison
25. Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison
26. Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell
27. Native Son by Richard Wright
28. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest by Ken Kesey
29. Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut
30. For Whom the Bell Tolls by Ernest Hemingway
31. On the Road by Jack Kerouac
32. The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway
33. The Call of the Wild by Jack London
34. To the Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf
35. Portrait of a Lady by Henry James
36. Go Tell it on the Mountain by James Baldwin
37. The World According to Garp by John Irving
38. All the King’s Men by Robert Penn Warren
39. A Room with a View by E.M. Forster
40. The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien
41. Schindler’s List by Thomas Keneally
42. The Age of Innocence by Edith Wharton
43. The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand
44. Finnegans Wake by James Joyce
45. The Jungle by Upton Sinclair
46. Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf
47. The Wonderful Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum
48. Lady Chatterley’s Lover by D.H. Lawrence
49. A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess
50. The Awakening by Kate Chopin
51. My Antonia by Willa Cather
52. Howards End by E.M. Forster
53. In Cold Blood by Truman Capote
54. Franny and Zooey by J.D. Salinger
55. The Satanic Verses by Salman Rushdie
56. Jazz by Toni Morrison
57. Sophie’s Choice by William Styron
58. Absalom, Absalom! by William Faulkner
59. A Passage to India by E.M. Forster
60. Ethan Frome by Edith Wharton
61. A Good Man Is Hard to Find by Flannery O’Connor
62. Tender Is the Night by F. Scott Fitzgerald
63. Orlando by Virginia Woolf
64. Sons and Lovers by D.H. Lawrence
65. Bonfire of the Vanities by Tom Wolfe (This is one of the top 100?)
66. Cat’s Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut
67. A Separate Peace by John Knowles
68. Light in August by William Faulkner
69. The Wings of the Dove by Henry James
70. Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe
71. Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier
72. A Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
73. Naked Lunch by William S. Burroughs
74. Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh
75. Women in Love by D.H. Lawrence
76. Look Homeward, Angel by Thomas Wolfe
77. In Our Time by Ernest Hemingway
78. The Autobiography of Alice B. Tokias by Gertrude Stein
79. The Maltese Falcon by Dashiell Hammett
80. The Naked and the Dead by Norman Mailer
81. Wide Sargasso Sea by Jean Rhys
82. White Noise by Don DeLillo
83. O Pioneers! by Willa Cather
84. Tropic of Cancer by Henry Miller
85. The War of the Worlds by H.G. Wells
86. Lord Jim by Joseph Conrad
87. The Bostonians by Henry James
88. An American Tragedy by Theodore Dreiser
89. Death Comes for the Archbishop by Willa Cather
90. The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame
91. This Side of Paradise by F. Scott Fitzgerald
92. Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand
93. The French Lieutenant’s Woman by John Fowles
94. Babbitt by Sinclair Lewis
95. Kim by Rudyard Kipling
96. The Beautiful and the Damned by F. Scott Fitzgerald
97. Rabbit, Run by John Updike
98. Where Angels Fear to Tread by E.M. Forster
99. Main Street by Sinclair Lewis
100. Midnight’s Children by Salman Rushdie

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I love being read to! You can have one chapter from each of the seven Narnia books read to you at the Chronicles of Narnia online. I wonder if I will like the stories as much as I did as a kid, or if the allusions to Christianity will be too much for me?

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The Mood Cure

The Mood Cure by Julia Ross really saved my bacon after I ran a marathon in 2004. I thought I just had the after-a-big-event-blues, but it turns out that it is not uncommon for people to feel down after a marathon because people use up their mood producing amino acids. (It’s an even worse scene for ultra-marathoners.) That’s right, sometimes you don’t have to dig deep into your psyche to find out what is wrong with you, you just need to pop a supplement, and that’s ok.

The Mood Cure explains how you can spot a “false mood” and what nutritional deficiency that might be caused by. There are people who have structural damage to their brains which can cause personality changes, but for most people false moods or moods of any kind are caused by chemicals in the brain. You can also affect your mood with your thoughts, and with your environment (like getting enough sun,) and your behavior (like getting enough sleep,) but they affect your mood via chemical changes in your brain and “surprisingly brainlike areas of your heart and gut.” The idea in the Mood Cure is that if you are severely deficient in a nutrient, you cannot produce the necessary chemicals to keep your mood steady even if you are thinking good thoughts etc. Julia Ross recommends supplements. For people who are deficient in certain nutrients because of diet, they will only need to take supplements for awhile while they are getting their diet back on track. For some people who have trouble creating certain chemicals, they may need to keep taking certain supplements.

This is one of my top 5 recommended books because it can take your experience of life from very miserable to just fine in as short a time as a week with some very simple changes in your diet and some fairly cheap supplements that you can find at any health store.

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Actually, I wrote this post awhile ago, and never published it, but since Jo brought it up again

If you love me, but you think you might not love me if I annoyed you, stop reading now. If you don’t love me, or your love could never fail, by all means continue!

Does anyone else have a huge fear of admitting you are gifted? Who do you tell that to? I have a mostly ANONYMOUS blog and I am even worried about putting it up. I have been alluding to it on my blog lately, but not coming right out and saying it. I told my mom and she sounded skeptical!! :) She did agree emphatically that I was an independent and divergent thinker though. (What she used to call “sassy.”) And I did remind her that I had read every book in the house by the time I was 10, including her college textbooks.

I just don’t want to put anyone else down by implying that I’m better than them. It’s taken me so long and so much work to FIT IN, that I don’t want to use some word and put myself in another category. On the other hand, I’m proud of my abilities and I think I try to subtly show off sometimes, which I’m sure is annoying. On the other hand, I really do think everyone is gifted in the sense that everyone has amazing gifts! I wish there was a more value neutral label for the cluster of traits we currently call “gifted.” On the other hand, why is it ok and not alienating for people to be gifted at sports in our society? I am proud that I learn almost anything, including sports, quickly. I like to call myself “apt.” That sounds less pretentious than “gifted” to me. I am really glad to have found some other gifted people (and thank you for commenting on my blog!) and I am so glad to have found out that traits I just thought of as weakness are in the same cluster as the traits I’m proud of, like my extra sensitivity. I wonder what exactly is going on in our brains, probably chemically, possibly structurally? to have such a broad effect? Hmmm…

There I’ve just outed myself in more ways than one. What do you think? (Do I have to say a bunch of smart stuff now?)

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Well, here you are… You have tried everything that you know to get ahead, thrive, and build a future and it isn’t working. All you are now doing is surviving, check to check, moment by moment, emergency by emergency. It’s just not the way you want to live your life. You’re right, you can do better.

Thanks, Joel. You know why I like Amazon? All the reviews. That was a genius move on their part because that’s the reason I go there. I got to Joel’s list from the book How to Get Out of Debt, Stay Out of Debt, and Live Prosperously by Jerrold Mundis, which I am now going to go get at the library.

Update: I went and got the tape at the library and it is good so far, but he wants me to track all my spending. Damn! Why is awareness always the first step?

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Check out the list of critics picks at Reading matters.

It looks like Ian McEwan’s Saturday and Kazuo Ishiguro’s Never Let Me Go topped the poll, with four votes apiece.

Personally, I have to thumb through a fiction book really carefully. I don’t read much fiction any more and have the bar set really high for a world I am about to get absorbed in. I am willing to go to an alright movie, but it better be a 5 star book (fiction that is.)

Forget 2005, what is/are your favorite fiction book/s of all time? (Please! I need a good read for my long pre-Christmas travel day!)

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A list of wants that are buyable, ’cause my family keeps asking.

The big one, in descending order of cost

  • Ecologically built house in a co-housing neighborhood by the mountains and the sea, in the country near a city, close enough that I can ride to it on a bike, or a train. :)
  • Ecologically built house
  • House
  • Townhouse
  • Condo
  • Very small condo

Technology (may add specifics later)

  • New computer! A tablet pc (sorry mac, but I want a tablet.)
  • Printer
  • Scanner
  • Video camera
  • Digital camera
  • Voice recorder

More

  • A combo CD player, tape player, and radio that has good quality sound and is fairly small.
  • A tempurpedic mattress. (I have one of the pillows and I like it, but I think I need a softer one.)
  • A softer tempurpedic like pillow.

I can live without but would be nice if you happen to win it in a contest

  • New fuel-efficient, part-electrically powered car

Other car stuff

  • Oil change
  • General check up
  • Air conditioning
  • CD player for my current car
  • Tape player for my current car

Services

Highest priorities from my Amazon wish list

  • The Five Keys to Permanent Stress Reduction by Neil Fiore
  • The Science of Fitness with Tamilee: I Want That Body! by Tamilee Webb -ok I couldn’t wait, I just bought this for myself today. A steel butt by Christmas! Actually, I did start using this over two years ago. I paused the video during the intro to look at Tamilee’s little half moon butt on the TV screen. I stared at it while thinking positive half-moon butt thoughts. She used weights during the piddly 15 minute work out. I was training for a marathon at the time and could not get through the whole 15 minutes even without weights! I swear to you that within 3 or 4 times of doing the video I lost 3 inches off my booty. And I did eventually get a perfect half-moon butt! It was amazing. Then I had to stare at my own butt in awe. A friend told me with true feeling in her voice that she loved my butt. I eventually moved to the longer Firm videos. Now my butt looks like a large ballooning doughy lump of dough, starting to dribble down the back of my legs (seriously, this all is more than I intended to write) and I don’t have the time or inclination to do the whole Firm videos anymore, so I’m going back to my half-moon roots. (Hey! If I ever start a production company, I can call it Half-Moon Productions! In honor of my booty’s glory days!)
  • Making Friends with Death : A Buddhist Guide to Encountering Mortality by Judith L. Lief
  • Writing Your Dissertation in Fifteen Minutes a Day: A Guide to Starting, Revising, and Finishing Your Doctoral Thesis by Joan Bolker
  • City Comforts: How to Build an Urban Village, Revised Edition by David Sucher
  • Creating Optimism : A Proven, 7-Step Program for Overcoming Depression by Alicia Fortinberry

You can find the cheapest online prices for books including shipping costs at Fetchbook.

Hair Products (Thank you to the great site Curly Links for the list)

Surprises from the Heart

I have a friend who usually does not want anyone to give him conventional gifts. He thinks they are too commercial. He often gives handmade gifts and requests the same. For his birthday he asked for homemade gifts from the heart and got some great gifts. So, besides books, an ecologically built house, and styling gel, I would love homemade gifts or other gifts from your heart.

Most of the things I get complimented on were gifts from my gracious family. Their generosity is everywhere.

Merry (planning for) Christmas!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Want to create your own wishlist without all the copy and pasting? Here are some wishlist sites (untested by me.)

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I can search my bookmarks! You can too! Just open your bookmarks and type the word you are looking for where it says “search!” (I know, not exactly a hidden feature, still very cool when you are racking up the bookmarks.)

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I have this long project I’m working on. To help myself stay motivated, I do what Neil Fiore suggests in The Now Habit, and focus for 30 minutes and then take 10 minute breaks. It really works and I get a lot more done. This small break is brought to you by The Onion.

Now, if you have a half-baked theory that you’d like to disclose, please be so kind as to skirt around the issue. I’ll only listen to your elaborate webs of presumption and hearsay if you promise to veer unexpectedly and pointlessly off course at every opportunity. Prose density is part of what makes a half-baked theory fascinating.

Only last week, my friend Janet gave me a book that teaches how, through a diet of salmon and romaine lettuce, you can shave 20 years off your appearance. However, before we got to the hard-core salmon-and-lettuce, face-lifting theory, I was taken through a series of anecdotes, solicited testimonials, and long-winded circular logic proving the author’s qualifications by citing the medical establishment’s fear of his simple brilliance. It was an eye-opener.

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Oh yeah, managing all that incoming and self-generated information can leave you with scattered info all over the place. What do you do with all that stuff? I save webpages as bookmarks, keep well organized computer and paper files, and cut and paste information I want to keep into my email drafts and into this blog. There must be a better way! Below are some links about knowledge management concepts and tools.

Knowledge Management

Personal Knowledge Management Services and Software Applications

Going beyond personal knowledge management to group km

Further Links

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Things I’m not good at: remembering what people’s cars look like, having any idea when my period is coming.

My first clue is when I suddenly start crying and feel that life is really not worth living and wondering how I will make it through the next 80 or so years. So, last night my teacher says something to me and it makes me cry. Luckily only one side of me is weak; my right side. I don’t know what this means, but sometimes if I am trying not to cry but can’t help crying, only my right eye will cry. This is very useful if I’m a passenger in a car, as I’ve had many opportunities to discover. One side of me can be relentlessly leaking while I’m carrying on a normal conversation with the ignorant driver.

Last night, I tried to pass off my crying as something in my eye, and this could have been a success. I also used my time honored tradition of thinking of a rock. I don’t know why this works for me , but it helps. I even drew a picture of a rock on my notebook paper. Yes, I’m a 30-something master’s student and I was trying not to cry in class by repeating everything my professor said in my head while looking at a picture of a rock, so I didn’t have time to say to myself, “Nobody likes me!” As I said, this could have worked. Then my professor, who had continued teasing me, ’cause we’re just that kind of fun loving class and I can (usual