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My mommy is magical

She says,

I’ve just come to a new opinion on Capital Punishment - I am now formally against it.   What did that - well, we saw a Miss Marple mystery on tv…

Read what else she has written about becoming enlightened over at her blog Yak’s Place.

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Sometimes Post Secret secrets bug me, but I really like this weeks secrets. Go look at them right away! And check out this Post Secret Valentine’s video.

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excited about life and peaceful

From Postsecret

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Day 4

I want to be a Galavanting Monkey and marry someone with deep goodness in his family roots. Pretty much, that is the main thing I want to create in this life: a clan with deep goodness at it’s roots. LOTS of love.

Hmmm…. Maybe I should change this site to “Also a Gallavanting Monkey” “Gallavanting Monkey in Training”, “Soon to be a Gallavanting Monkey.”

Yesterday I ate a bag of M & M’s and then immediately afterwards, I had a cold. I didn’t have a cold, I was perfectly fine, I ate a normal size bag of M & M’s, I did have a cold.

Today I am practicing the art of forgiveness. My boss is giving me grief for leaving early yesterday. I want to be self-righteous in my head, but (here is the forgiveness) she is only doing her job. I should also practice truth. Here is the truth: I left because the equation of “nothing left to do today” plus, “have to walk down to my car and put more quarters in the meter” plus “my last day is soon, what are they going to do, fire me?” plus “It’s 2:00 and I haven’t had a chance to have lunch yet” all added up in my head to: walk down to my car, but don’t put coins in the meter, just drive home and eat lunch there, ’cause I have nothing left to do today and what are they going to do, fire me?

Where o where could the self-righteousness come in, you say? Well, I’m home sick today and still checking my work email and I called a Prof. to help her with her grading even though I will not get paid for my helping hours at home. So, I guess I feel like I am a good worker if not a good employee because I do get the job done and I don’t want to inconvenience anybody.

Bonus of the day: I’ve never actually talked to this particular prof. and she has an Australian accent! It really goes well with the blog I tore myself away from to call her! Also her name is Jenny which is cute and also she was really nice, which is cute, especially when I have a cold.

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I’m starting to think about politics. It’s a sore spot after Kerry’s loss in the last election and the complete ineptitude of the current administration.
I just read The Clinton Surprise, an article defending Hillary Clinton’s “electability.” I haven’t researched the candidates that much, but I like Clinton because I have a feeling that she is competent. Here is one of the comments about the article:

I would add only one thing. It seems to me voters are looking for something that transcends any discussion of gender. More than anything, we desire competence in our next president.

Elite media insiders like Tucker Carlson tried to foist a shallow, Beltway-approved “story-line” about Hillary Clinton upon the American public. Instead, Clinton’s obvious competence trumped the story line, and the talking heads are spluttering. The American public is pleasantly surprised to see a candidate who is well-versed on all policy issues. Furthermore, people can see she is a quick thinker on her feet. The debates validated that point. She knows her stuff and she has great problem-solving skills. What’s not to like?

Hillary is the girl who no one likes that much, but everyone wants on their research team because they know she will do most of the work and bring in an A grade for the entire team. Unlike the 2000 election, no one needs to have a beer with the next president. Voters simply want a person who can do a good job running the country.

— Posted by Dave Baldwin

I don’t know if Hillary is the most competent, but after the bungled policy these last 8 years, competence is definitely the clincher for me, and I do think she is smart and I think her husband is smart.

On the other hand, from the little I know about Clinton, I already know I don’t agree with all of her policies. I like free trade and think that the market is going to be global and many kinds of jobs are going to be out sourced unless we try and stop it, and I don’t think we should try and stop it. I think we should deal with it. It is going to raise the quality of life in other countries and more open trade can be good for us if we have a system where it is safe to be a problem solver- a lucrative skill that can’t always be outsourced. So, I disagree with protectionism, which I think she promotes. I think that our job market will be most robust when it is safe for people to be innovative. One thing that will make it safe is if there is health care for everyone. Then you can more safely leave your job and actually contribute in a meaningful way that can’t be outsourced. So, I agree with a good health care plan, which I hear she is for. :)

What about you?

What is most important to you?

Do you know yet who you think has the traits/skills/experience that are most important to you?

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Yes, a dancing bird! Does it get better?

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I think movies reviews should be based on mood rather than plot. I don’t want to know what is going to happen- that’s why I go see the movie! What I want to know is: “Is this the movie I am in the mood to see right now?”

If you are feeling like a loser, I recommend: Sideways. People taste wine in this movie, which sounds about as exciting as playing golf to me. That, and lukewarm reviews from friends is why I never watched it. But, I was feeling sick, asked for a comedy, and took what the library guy gave me. It was good. I cried at one point when the main character described wine. You’ll see. I only laughed once, but it was a good laugh. Mostly, I cried.

For other Movies To Watch When You Feel Like A Loser, you only need to watch the movie ads at the beginning of Sideways! They include:
Garden State: For when you are feeling like a young loser.
Napoleon Dynamite: For when you want to feel jovial about being a loser and look back on your younger days of being a loser and decide that being a loser might actually have been cool.
(The ultimate feel good loser movie, of course, is Little Miss Sunshine.)

However, if you are not feeling jovial about being a loser and are feeling like an old, rather than young loser, I still recommend Sideways. It’s middle aged loser with a hint of redwood, maybe some asparagus, with a slight taste of sunshine, a note of desperation, …

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I haven’t been able to write for awhile because my computer at home won’t pick up the neighbor’s wireless that we are “sharing.” And I can’t write from work because I don’t want anyone from work ever reading this. or this. or even this. But I borrowed a lap top from work, so here is my shout out and my one minute, or so, review.

So, I work with a cool girl who is a temp and thus gets all the crappy jobs. We started calling her the red-headed step child, but of course, we are all red-headed step children in one way or another, so now we are all the red-headed step children. Red Headed Step Children Unite! Is our lunch club motto, and “Where’s my stapler.” is one of our many inside jokes.

Today I didn’t have lunch, and get my once a day belly laugh, with my girls; my stupid friend who I can never count on so I don’t know why I thought he would come through today didn’t come through which reminded me that I am really all alone in this cold, cold world; and everyone flaked out on 80’s night tonight. My new roommate and I went to see Little Miss Sunshine instead, and all I can say about it, because I don’t like to tell people anything about movies because I am almost fanatical about not hearing anything about movies before I go, is:
If you are or were ever actually or metaphorically a red headed step child, I think you will like this movie.

Oh my gosh I want to tell you all about it! Hurry and go see it so we can talk about it!!!

Ps: I actually was a red-headed step child.

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British Columbia rocks. On the first day of our trip, we landed in adless Vancouver, as previously noted and then, following some crazy plan of my mother’s, we spent the next 6 plus hours in transit. We took three bus rides and a ferry to our hotel on Vancouver Island where we immediately fell asleep. The ferry ride was beautiful though, and I tried to keep a pleasant attitude towards her as this was the beginning of our TWO WEEKS together. (”Family vacation,” “two weeks” I wonder that the two phrases together did not give me a single moments pause before the trip started.)

Vancouver Island reminded me of Denmark because of all the people riding the bus, riding their bikes, and wearing rain gear. I miss bike paths.

Here are some of the pictures I took on our ferry ride back to Vancouver to board the cruise:


Finally a vista: what I had been longing for in my little urban life.


I was sick as a dog on the second day of our trip, but hey, look at the view!


Pulling into the dock.

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You can read part 1 here, and part 2 here.

I told my co-chair that it was time to get things going. We still had an official vote to cast, an exit survey to fill out, and a flower activity to do. When people turned their exit survey back in to us, we gave them a flower. Then asked them to exchange flowers with people who they wanted to express appreciation to. They could keep exchanging flowers and were to always only have one flower. (This worked really well by the way- it was the brainchild of my awesome co-chair.)

Oh yeah, give a person a flower and a compliment and they will start to soften. I had no expectations, and was surprised to hear people say that I bring a loving energy into the room, and am kind, friendly, (and praise worthy and of good report. ;) (It’s like they saw through my gruff beer swilling exterior to the big teddy bear inside.) Then we announced that our unopposed candidate for co-chair was unanimously voted in and she gave a speech. My co-chair and I promptly sat down. “We’re done!” she whispered to me. I felt a little like we had perpetrated a scam on the incoming leaders. “We get to sit down now!”

Then the new co-chair gave my co-chair and I big bouquets of flowers, count on her to do something thoughtful like that. She also handed us cards that everyone signed! That surprised me. “We should thank our steering committee” I said starting to feel slightly generous. My co-chair thanked our committee, thanked everyone for coming, and invited everyone to return to socializing.

“Wait,” an older woman said, “I have something to say.” “Oh hear it comes.” I thought. This woman had complained by email before and was to me the most irksome type of complainer: the non participating complainer. I held the air in my chest. “I just want to say,” she said “as someone who isn’t involved in the nitty gritty of the group and just occasionally comes for the showy stuff, that you people make it really easy to come here. No matter how long I have been away, you always make me feel loved and welcomed. Thank you.” A space opened up. Some unknown tightness melted and my beer swilling, gruff doppleganger faded away. I took a deep breath.

A couple more people thanked us publicly and then people went back to talking. I was relaxed and talking to people with out the tension of defense.

The last person I gave a flower to while we were doing the flower activity was my co-chair. I looked in her eyes and we both started to cry. “You taught me about serving rather than taking.” I told her. “I’m so glad you asked me to be your co-chair. I wouldn’t have said yes to anyone but you. I’ve learned so much from you.” “I’ve learned so much from you!” she said. She told me that I was so kind and was really a good person in a deep way. I was surprised she could see my kindness. I’d been feeling so gruff. “You are so kind and yet you are so opinionated!” She said. I laughed, “I am so opinionated!” I think we both had open suprise in our eyes, amazed that maybe the other person admired us as much as we had been admiring the other.

I drove home from the party with deep breaths of air circulating through my lungs, feeling like a weight had been lifted off of me, feeling deeply relieved, lightly bewildered, and happy.

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An Atlanta Unitarian wrote about the UU sales pitch:

I was recently talking with another new Unitarian on how we “sell” our religion to others. My original sales pitch was: “You don’t have to believe in anything in particular to join our group.” Her sales pitch was: “We take the best of every religion, with out taking the bad stuff.”Well I don’t think it takes a genius to see which sales pitch is better. Hers is both better and more accurate than mine. In fact, my sales pitch is so weak I’m shocked I would even say it aloud – that the best we have to offer is a lack of constraints, total personal freedom? Is this what we offer? Why join a group whose main offering is to leave you just the way you were before you joined?

…I think there is a core stance to Unitarianism, or if there isn’t one I think there is something I would like to place at its center, to give it a core stance in my mind…

I think it is a profound difference that we can believe what we want to believe, and think what we want to think, and still be in community with others. That is huge and that is why I go to a UU church. I don’t understand why I read so many UU bloggers who seem to have a longing to have some kind of belief besides good moral code in common.

Also, I don’t think that UU’s are just changed by the communities they join, they also change the community. That is what part of my sales pitch could be:

~*~The UU church is a dynamic community. ~*~
~*~Imagine a spiritual home where you can actually add your voice, energy and vibrancy to the mix rather than suppressing it!!~*~
~*~Pretty radical, huh. ~*~
~*~It’s exciting and alive and you can be a part of it. ~*~

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Written on May 7th

Today I listened to part of a show on NPR about a radio show that people use to tell things to people they know in prison. It was strangely moving listening to the mostly mundane things that people want to say to another human being; voice after voice coming on the air and adding their bit of humanness with their personal particulars.

This theme of general humanity through particular personal communications must be one of my themes today, because I also found a page of public apologies online. It was sort of awful reading through all the things that people had to say. I did read all the way through them though. Wow, people getting really angry and then regretting their actions was the main theme of the letters. Even though many of the letters were extreme, I could relate, and I ended up feeling a lot of compassion for us humans.

That is how postsecret, another place to get a sense of humanity from very particular particulars feels to me.

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“I just called to say hi,” I told my mom this morning.
“And to wish me a Happy Mother’s Day?” She prompted.
“Oh yeah, and to wish you a Happy Mother’s Day!”
We talked for a few minutes, but being in a time zone three hours later than mine, she had to get to church. First she wanted to tell me about her dream last night, and then, of course, she wanted to hear my dream.

I dreamt that I had plans with someone, but right before he came over, I fell to the floor with exhaustion. This is only a slightly dramatized version of my real life. Last night my friend never came over, I called her, and fell to my bed with exhaustion at 7:30. I knew this would mean I would wake up way too early, but I just couldn’t hold out until 9. That’s why I called my mom at 5:30 this morning, an hour and a half after I woke up. And how I had time to read poetry before I called, which came in handy as my mom missed the first hour of church while talking to me. In acknowledgment of her lost hour of church, I decided to give her a mother’s day sermon. I got it from The Rag and Bone Shop of the Heart which I was reading this morning.

I was worried because when I read it earlier in the morning, I started crying at the first sentence, having read it before and knowing what was coming. I tend to cry when I read things to my mom, even if it didn’t make me cry on my own. “Don’t worry,” I told my mom before I started reading it, “I cried earlier, but I’m fine now.”

What Happened During the Ice Storm

One winter there was a freezing rain. How beautiful! people said when things outside started to shine with ice. But the freezing rain kept coming. Tree branches glistened like glass. Then broke like glass. Ice thickened on the windows until everything outside blurred. Farmers moved their livestock into the barns, and most animals were safe. But not the pheasants. Their eyes froze shut.

Some farmers went ice-skating down the gravel roads with clubs to harvest the pheasants that sat helplessly in the roadside ditches. The boys went out into the freezing rain to find pheasants too. They saw dark spots along a fence. Pheasants, all right. Five or six of them. The boys slid their feet along slowly, trying not to break the ice that covered the snow. They slid up close to the pheasants. The pheasants pulled their heads down between their wings. They couldn’t tell how easy it was to see them huddled there.

The boys stood still in the icy rain. Their breath came out in slow puffs of steam. The pheasants’ breath came out in quick little white puffs. Some of them lifted their heads and turned them from side to side, but they were blind folded with ice and didn’t flush. The boys had not brought clubs, or sacks, or anything but themselves. They stood over the pheasants, turning their own heads, looking at each other, each expecting the other to do something. To pounce on a pheasant, or to yell Bang! Things around them were shining and dripping with icy rain. The barbed-wire fence. The fence posts. The broken stems of grass. Even the grass seeds. The grass seeds looked like little yolks inside gelatin whites. And the pheasants looked like unborn birds glazed in egg white. Ice was hardening on the boys’ caps and coats. Soon they would be covered with ice too.

Then one of the boys said, Shh. He was taking off his coat, the thin layer of ice splintering in flakes as he pulled his arms from the sleeves. But the inside of the coat was dry and warm. He covered two of the crouching pheasants with his coat, rounding the back of it over them like a shell. The other boys did the same. They covered all the helpless pheasants. The small gray hens and the larger brown cocks. Now the boys felt the rain soaking through their shirts and freezing. They ran across the slippery fields, unsure of their footing, the ice clinging to their skin as they made their way toward the blurry lights of the house.

This mother’s day sermon was brought you you by Braidwood’s mom’s daughter Braidwood.Happy Mother’s Day!

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April Rocks

Apparently, it’s national poetry month. Also national Humor Month! Also, my birthday! What a great month.

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Hey, now that I figured out that fabulous (I jest) work around, I can finally post pictures to Illustration Friday again! Yay! I created this using art rage which is fun because it gives a very realistic action of real paint. Now I really want to paint again! This illo fits with the theme of speed because… Well, it sort of looks like wind blowing, or rushing water, and I did it fast, I mean, speedily. :)

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You know how when you are alone you can get into an activity and start acting unselfconciously, doing things that might surprise and embarrass you if someone else walked in and you suddenly became conscious of yourself again? Well, I am sitting on the floor of my room, my legs spread to either side of the box that I am using as my desk (my computer monitor is sitting on a milk crate,) when suddenly I become conscious of the hanger around my face. It is a plastic hanger. My face is sticking through the triangle in the middle. I’m not exactly sure how it got in this position. The last thing I knew I was reading blogs and typing comments to my e-friends. Now I have a hanger on my face. I just thought I would share that with you. I’m taking it off now.

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What do people in Ad Dawhah, Doha Qatar; Singapor, Japan; Ankara, Turkey; Tel Aviv, Israel; and North Babylon, United States have in common? They are all coming to my blog to look at pictures of Catherine Zeta Jones. Well, that’s enough. I’ve had it. I’m pulling the picture. (And just when my stats were approaching my goal. I wanted to get an average of 50 visitors a day, and I’m up to 41, but they are all looking at one post! That’s enough!)

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Hi all,

Remember my dark night of the soul I had (well, sorta) from a few nights ago? I felt the lack of meaning in my job, great job as it is, and full of gratitude for it as I am. My solution was to give myself a break, give myself permission to rest for awhile, and just enjoy having a job, living where I want to live, and having dental insurance.

Listening to music by Emma’s Revolution last night has sparked an addendum to that solution. I realized that I can add conciousness raising to many parts of my life. I can imbue my life with meaning! When I got a job my mom suggested that I tithe part of my income. I grew up paying tithing and there is part of me that wants every little penny of my money, on the other hand one of the reasons I am most excited to have a regular income is so that I can contribute to my church and other organizations that are doing good work.

Some other ways I want to add meaning to the everyday parts of my life:

  1. Gifts! I love giving a gift that I know someone will love, but so often I am just dashing to get someone something. I hate that. Instead, I can give conciousness raising gifts that people will like. (So, not a certificate saying that I gave a donation in someone’s name, except for the rare altruistic person who might like that.)
  2. Purchasing everyday items that are made with fair practices.
  3. Choosing uplifting media to surround myself with.

Look for more posts with specific ideas in the future!

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Curvy and Naughty
Raw score: 48% Big Breasts, 45% Big Ass, and 48% Cute!

Thanks for taking the T and A and C test! Based on your selections, the results are clear: you show an attraction to larger breasts, larger asses, and sexier composures than others who’ve taken the test.

[Wha'?]

Note that you like women overall curvier than average.

[Talk about self serving opinions.]

My third variable, “cuteness” is a mostly objective measure of how innocent a given model looked. It’s determined by a combination of a lot of factors: lack of dark eye makeup, facial expression, posture, etc. If you scored high on that variable, you are either really nice OR you’re into deflowering teens.

[Or you're genetically programmed to be a mother. What can I do?]

If you scored low, you are attracted to raunchier, sexier, women. In your case, your lower than average score suggests you appreciate a sexier, naughtier look. Kudos!

[What?!]

Recommended Celebrities: Supermodel Laetitia Casta and Actress Angelina Jolie.
Link: The Tits, Ass, and Cuteness Test written by chicken_pot_pie.

Ok, weird test, I know. But, I couldn’t help myself. I’m only sorry that I got a picture with Angalina on it (cut it accidentally,) because I am on Team Aniston, naturally. I would think that I would have scored higher on the cuteness factor, but I think they were basing “cuteness” on other features than I would. The test sure called it when it picked Laetitia Casta though. Sheesh.

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Would I have to rely on the money to motivate me? Would I have to think thoughts of “deliciousness” and “fun” ad nauseum? These were the questions that haunted me. (Can you be haunted by questions after only two days?) Not to worry! Today I spoke with real enthusiasm to a co-worker. And you know what brought on this great enthusiasm? Blogs! And their many uses. Yay! I just got myself invited to some meetings.

And they want me to go to a conference in June. This tickles me to no end.

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What makes you feel determined? I’ve had several long haul determination spurts this year, and a couple short spurts during the last two days. Last year I graduated, with all A’s in my last semester (I add extraneously, just for fun. :) This year I searched my booty off looking for a new job and then I looked at SO MANY different places while I was searching for a place to live. I must have emailed at least 50 people. One day I looked at 6 different places. In one day!

Last night I came home vaguely unsatisfied, and then I said, no! I’m not going to sit and watch Sex and the City endlessly in defeat, and I bought a bedroom set and did some other things I needed to get done. Tonight I came home lonely and whined to you in the last post. But then, I said, forget that. It’s just time to kick my social life into high gear. And I invited people over for an impromptu dinner party tomorrow night.

This is not bragging. I once spent two years in my twenties living at home restlessly unable to get myself motivated. Believe me, I know of what Augastine speaks. (Maybe determination has it’s own anti-inertia?) I wonder what has gotten into me? Vision? Desperation? What motivates you?

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Over at Overexcitable, it seems to be harvest season. The time when all your hard work pays off in more bounty than you expected. And she is sharing the good cheer with a poem for all the times it goes right.

In response to Jo’s poem, here is the poem for my season. It is on my Netvibes portal page.

Throw Yourself Like Seed

Shake off this sadness, and recover your spirit;
sluggish you will never see the wheel of fate
that brushes your heel as it turns going by,
the woman who wants to live is the woman in whom life is abundant.

Now you are only giving food to that final pain
which is slowly winding you in the nets of death, but to live is to work, and the only thing which lasts
is the work; start then, turn to the work.

Throw yourself like seed as you walk, and into your own field,
don’t turn your face for that would be to turn it to death,
and do not let the past weigh down your motion.

Leave what’s alive in the furrow, what’s dead in yourself,
for life does not move in the same way as a group of clouds,
from your work you will be able one day to gather yourself.

-Miguel de Unamuno
Translated by R.B.

Via my favorite poetry anthology The Rag and Bone Shop of the Heart; poems for men. (Ah well.)

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Passing along a mass email my mom sent me:

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, “How heavy is this glass of water?” Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g. The lecturer replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that’s not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you’ll have to call an ambulance. In each case, it’s the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.”

He continued, “And that’s the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won’t be able to carry on. ” “As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we’re refreshed, we can carry on with the burden.” “So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down. Don’t carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you’re carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can.”

So, my friend, why not take a while to just simply RELAX. Put down anything that may be a burden to you right now. Don’t pick it up again until after you’ve rested a while. Life is short. Enjoy it!

Then the email listed ways you can “put down the burden:”

  • Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.
  • Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
  • Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
  • If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
  • Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
  • When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
  • Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
  • A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
  • Have an awesome day and know that someone has thought about you today….

…I did.

Resting in between working, sprint-like instead of marathon-like, is what helped me change a long held procrastination pattern I had. Today I rested by going to the dog park to get my cuteness fix. I like to have regularly scheduled rejuvination in my week, like church and lunch with my friends. When I wake up I write in my morning pages. What are some things you do to make clean transitions between work and make sure you aren’t holding the glass for too long?

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I’m loving reading my small list of regular blogs lately. I stopped looking at my stats and I feel much about blogging now. I just check in with my blogs and it feels like checking in with friends. (It literally is for several of the blogs.) I like to hear how everyone’s life is going. If you haven’t read Blaugustine lately, or ever, check it out. Natalie is telling about her life while showing paintings along the way. It’s like reading a moving novel. I wish the people in my family would do that. Oh, you know what it’s like? It’s like reading a novel in installments. There used to be cheesy novels published a chapter a week in our local newspaper. My friend and I could hardly wait every week to read those chapters. Maybe I will do what Natalie is doing someday.

Tonight I went to a wine tasting. It was a single’s event and there were more people I knew there than I was expecting. I don’t drink wine, (or milk, or orange juice or soda pop…) but that only came up a few times. I didn’t realize it would be a singles event for some reason. Anyway, I got a woman’s number, which is becoming a habit at theses things. I think she might hook up with one of my guy friends which would be really cool. She has a guy in another town she wants to set me up with. She said he is the kindest person she knows and everything about him sounded great until she said that he is “interesting” looking. That could be really bad. I can be attracted to a wide range of types, but they need to at least fall somewhere in the range of normal. So far, anyway.

An acquaintance that I saw there, who I heard has a crush on me, gave me some advice. He told me that I should get any kind of job I can while I’m looking for a job. That way I will really be able to interview employers and see if they are a good fit for me during the interviews. Making sure employers fit me is the same advice that Andrea gave me and I think it’s a good idea. I thought I would have to leave this town in a month if I didn’t get a job, but I don’t want to leave! So maybe I will just try and find a temp job. Another guy said that is how he got his job at a University I just applied to. He got work as a temp and then they just hired him! I know the same person who he knew who helped him get the temp job, so maybe that will work for me too.

In good employment news: I just got an email from a science group who want me to do some work for them. Yay! So, there will be a little more money coming in this month. That is a good thing. I feel comfortable where I live and I have had a social engagement every night this week and have something for the rest of the week. I like having something fun to do every night. It gives rhythm to these days that could otherwise stretch into boundaryless job searching.

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Micro-updates

Inspired by Andrea, I’m going to list my own Micro-updates.

* Did I ever mention that I graduated? I think that means that in formal situations, you now have to call me “Master.” ;) I got all A’s my last semester. I worked hard and am glaaaadddd it paid off.

* I’m moving to a new part of town. It is a house for international students with all expenses included in the rent. I can stay as long as I like and leave when I want to, so it will be a good place during this liminal time.

* I’m looking for a job. I am dreaming of discretionary income. I’m going to save a substantial amount each month, and then… My list of first things to buy is growing longer. The first thing I will do with insurance is get fillings. Right now the top of my discretionary income list are new bras… Ahhh… the luxury. :)

* Today I am indulging my organizing yen and purging and packing semi-meticulously. I know I will feel a lot better when all of my stuff is packed and labeled.

* Last night I was so sad and wondered if I will ever be loved in the “you jump, I jump” sort of way. I sure hope I will, but if I’m not, I will fill up my life with all the other fabulous parts of life.

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Bad google results yield more valuable fruit. I just found this article about the difference between secret, private, and public registers.

This is why, incidentally, why people hate blogs so much. My God, people say, how can Livejournallers be so self-obsessed? Oh, Christ, is Xeni talking about LA art again? Why won’t they all shut up?

The answer why they won’t shut up is - they’re not talking to you. They’re talking in the private register of blogs, that confidential style between secret-and-public. And you found them via Google.

This helps explain the trouble I’ve been having with how anonymous or non-anonymous my blog should be, but gives no answers about what to do. Still it’s an intriguing enough question that I read the whole long article over at Danny O’Brien’s Oblomovka.

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I have two blogs I link to in my blog roll that I never read. You can tell which ones they are because they are written in Chinese. Tonight I went to Pei-shan’s blog expecting to just look at her photos, and found a surprise post in English! If you get a chance, check it out:

This MA program was so long, two and half years. Not to mention some people spent five years to get through it. Everyone seemed eager to step out of the program and started a new life.

Pei-shan and Xi are two people who really make me yearn for a universal translator. I think we are kindred spirits and my affection for them is equal to any kindred spirit, but I missed the full humor and intelligence that I would have been able to share with native speakers. I feel privileged that they are my friends and shared their worlds with me as much as I could understand.

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Wow, surfing the web can take you to some facinating places. Here are some of the interesting, slightly related links I found while looking for the links to put in my recent post about diet being like a religion (which I didn’t find):

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Have you noticed how diets are like the new religion? I guess it’s not surprising considering how diets are equated with morality in our modern world. Being thin is equated with being beautiful and both are equated with being good. When you are talking about your worth and morality, you’ve got quite a touchy subject on your hands. I think when it comes to diet, like when it comes to religion, I’m a Unitarian Universalist, not a fundamentalist.

Back in December, I had an online conversation which made me feel like I was unexpectedly at a revival when I thought I was at a block party. In an online radiant recovery group, a woman who was having trouble with cravings asked for advice and I replied:

I have the same trouble and have jumped in and skipped steps several times in this program. One HUGE support for me has been supplements. I highly recommend reading The Mood Cure, taking the mood quiz and getting the applicable supplements. That has helped me a LOT. Good luck!

I was then chastened by the moderator, and realized I had stumbled into a revival:

…Just wanted to let you know that on this list we don’t discuss supplements and other programs. Our… list is used for social support and interaction, planning get-togethers, and issues of doing this program as it relates to our geographical area…

Kathleen DeMaisons, the author of Potatoes not Prozac, chimed in with her thoughts about the Mood Cure:

and for the record, I would like to say, I respectfully disagree with Julia Ross’ approach to healing. I think that recommending a gadzillion supplements reinforcing addictive thinking about *taking* things to get well. I know that eating breakfast is not sexy and takes longer, but that is where we are at with this program.

warmly,
kathleen

I don’t mind that Kathleen doesn’t agree with me, but I don’t want to be in a group where I can only say what we’ve all agreed we can say. What is the point in talking if we can’t share our real experiences?! I wrote an ultra (I hope) diplomatic letter in response today:

Hi Kathleen and Peggy,

I really like PnP, it has helped me a lot, and I was looking forward to being on this list, because I am definitely sugar sensitive. Other things have helped too, including The Mood Cure. Kathleen, I think it is interesting that you don’t like Julia’s approach, since you also recommend supplements. She recommends very reasonable amounts of supplements, and her book is very helpful in finding out which supplements work for which ailments, and understanding how food choices affect mood.

I understand that people have differences of opinions. I like variety, and I need to be in a group where I can bring all of me to the table. Peggy, telling me I can’t mention supplements makes me feel a little like I’m in a fundamentalist church, and I can’t be honest about my experience. Also, if I can’t share honestly, I worry that other people aren’t able to share honestly either. I’m considering leaving the group.

I wish you all the best and am still very open to meeting with people who are following the PnP program. I would love to get together in person or talk by email and support each other along our perhaps slightly different but still intertwined journeys…

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Check out New Media Musings, “charting the rise of open, democratic, grassroots media.” I found the site because of the article about the top ten tech transformations of 2005. The interesting article and several good links put J.D Lasica over the top to make his blog a blog of the day. Some of the cool links found on his blog:

  • The 10 greatest gadget ideas of the year.
  • Free vlog: a video blog about making video blogs, for free.
  • Node 101: Ok, I am still not clear on this, but I will be. It’s something about a network of video bloggers and how we the people are taking back the world by talking around a virtual campfire and thus freeing ourselves and the world from tyranny. (This link doesn’t properly belong here, because I surfed here from Free vlog, not New Media Musings, but hey.)

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Following threads

I went to find out what was new with UU, and I found a beautiful post by Hafidha Sofía which led me to a poem by William Stafford. This is the first time I heard of him, but I love the first poem I found.

Look: no one ever promised for sure
that we would sing. We have decided
to moan. In a strange dance that
we don’t understand till we do it, we
have to carry on.

Just as in sleep you have to dream
the exact dream to round out your life,
so we have to live that dream into stories
and hold them close at you, close at the
edge we share, to be right.

We find it an awful thing to meet people,
serious or not, who have turned into vacant
effective people, so far lost that they
won’t believe their own feelings
enough to follow them out.

The authentic is a line from one thing
along to the next; it interests us.
Strangely, it relates to what works,
but is not quite the same. It never
swerves for revenge,

Or profit, or fame: it holds
together something more than the world,
this line. And we are your wavery
efforts at following it. Are you coming?
Good: now it is time.

—William Stafford

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The Mood Cure

The Mood Cure by Julia Ross really saved my bacon after I ran a marathon in 2004. I thought I just had the after-a-big-event-blues, but it turns out that it is not uncommon for people to feel down after a marathon because people use up their mood producing amino acids. (It’s an even worse scene for ultra-marathoners.) That’s right, sometimes you don’t have to dig deep into your psyche to find out what is wrong with you, you just need to pop a supplement, and that’s ok.

The Mood Cure explains how you can spot a “false mood” and what nutritional deficiency that might be caused by. There are people who have structural damage to their brains which can cause personality changes, but for most people false moods or moods of any kind are caused by chemicals in the brain. You can also affect your mood with your thoughts, and with your environment (like getting enough sun,) and your behavior (like getting enough sleep,) but they affect your mood via chemical changes in your brain and “surprisingly brainlike areas of your heart and gut.” The idea in the Mood Cure is that if you are severely deficient in a nutrient, you cannot produce the necessary chemicals to keep your mood steady even if you are thinking good thoughts etc. Julia Ross recommends supplements. For people who are deficient in certain nutrients because of diet, they will only need to take supplements for awhile while they are getting their diet back on track. For some people who have trouble creating certain chemicals, they may need to keep taking certain supplements.

This is one of my top 5 recommended books because it can take your experience of life from very miserable to just fine in as short a time as a week with some very simple changes in your diet and some fairly cheap supplements that you can find at any health store.

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Actually, I wrote this post awhile ago, and never published it, but since Jo brought it up again

If you love me, but you think you might not love me if I annoyed you, stop reading now. If you don’t love me, or your love could never fail, by all means continue!

Does anyone else have a huge fear of admitting you are gifted? Who do you tell that to? I have a mostly ANONYMOUS blog and I am even worried about putting it up. I have been alluding to it on my blog lately, but not coming right out and saying it. I told my mom and she sounded skeptical!! :) She did agree emphatically that I was an independent and divergent thinker though. (What she used to call “sassy.”) And I did remind her that I had read every book in the house by the time I was 10, including her college textbooks.

I just don’t want to put anyone else down by implying that I’m better than them. It’s taken me so long and so much work to FIT IN, that I don’t want to use some word and put myself in another category. On the other hand, I’m proud of my abilities and I think I try to subtly show off sometimes, which I’m sure is annoying. On the other hand, I really do think everyone is gifted in the sense that everyone has amazing gifts! I wish there was a more value neutral label for the cluster of traits we currently call “gifted.” On the other hand, why is it ok and not alienating for people to be gifted at sports in our society? I am proud that I learn almost anything, including sports, quickly. I like to call myself “apt.” That sounds less pretentious than “gifted” to me. I am really glad to have found some other gifted people (and thank you for commenting on my blog!) and I am so glad to have found out that traits I just thought of as weakness are in the same cluster as the traits I’m proud of, like my extra sensitivity. I wonder what exactly is going on in our brains, probably chemically, possibly structurally? to have such a broad effect? Hmmm…

There I’ve just outed myself in more ways than one. What do you think? (Do I have to say a bunch of smart stuff now?)

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A quiz result, but hey, I haven’t posted one in a while.

What Christmas Carol are You?


You are ‘Silent Night’! You really enjoy Christmas, and you like your Christmases conventional. For you, Christmas is about family and traditions, and you rather enjoy the rituals of going to church at midnight and turning off the lights before flaming the plum pudding. Although you find Christmas shopping frustrating, you like the excitement of wrapping and hiding presents, and opening a single door on the Advent Calendar each day. You like the traditional carols, and probably teach the children to sing along to them. More than anyone else, you will probably actually have a merry Christmas.
Take this quiz!

Found via Ministrare who is getting in the spirit.

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A list of wants that are buyable, ’cause my family keeps asking.

The big one, in descending order of cost

  • Ecologically built house in a co-housing neighborhood by the mountains and the sea, in the country near a city, close enough that I can ride to it on a bike, or a train. :)
  • Ecologically built house
  • House
  • Townhouse
  • Condo
  • Very small condo

Technology (may add specifics later)

  • New computer! A tablet pc (sorry mac, but I want a tablet.)
  • Printer
  • Scanner
  • Video camera
  • Digital camera
  • Voice recorder

More

  • A combo CD player, tape player, and radio that has good quality sound and is fairly small.
  • A tempurpedic mattress. (I have one of the pillows and I like it, but I think I need a softer one.)
  • A softer tempurpedic like pillow.

I can live without but would be nice if you happen to win it in a contest

  • New fuel-efficient, part-electrically powered car

Other car stuff

  • Oil change
  • General check up
  • Air conditioning
  • CD player for my current car
  • Tape player for my current car

Services

Highest priorities from my Amazon wish list

  • The Five Keys to Permanent Stress Reduction by Neil Fiore
  • The Science of Fitness with Tamilee: I Want That Body! by Tamilee Webb -ok I couldn’t wait, I just bought this for myself today. A steel butt by Christmas! Actually, I did start using this over two years ago. I paused the video during the intro to look at Tamilee’s little half moon butt on the TV screen. I stared at it while thinking positive half-moon butt thoughts. She used weights during the piddly 15 minute work out. I was training for a marathon at the time and could not get through the whole 15 minutes even without weights! I swear to you that within 3 or 4 times of doing the video I lost 3 inches off my booty. And I did eventually get a perfect half-moon butt! It was amazing. Then I had to stare at my own butt in awe. A friend told me with true feeling in her voice that she loved my butt. I eventually moved to the longer Firm videos. Now my butt looks like a large ballooning doughy lump of dough, starting to dribble down the back of my legs (seriously, this all is more than I intended to write) and I don’t have the time or inclination to do the whole Firm videos anymore, so I’m going back to my half-moon roots. (Hey! If I ever start a production company, I can call it Half-Moon Productions! In honor of my booty’s glory days!)
  • Making Friends with Death : A Buddhist Guide to Encountering Mortality by Judith L. Lief
  • Writing Your Dissertation in Fifteen Minutes a Day: A Guide to Starting, Revising, and Finishing Your Doctoral Thesis by Joan Bolker
  • City Comforts: How to Build an Urban Village, Revised Edition by David Sucher
  • Creating Optimism : A Proven, 7-Step Program for Overcoming Depression by Alicia Fortinberry

You can find the cheapest online prices for books including shipping costs at Fetchbook.

Hair Products (Thank you to the great site Curly Links for the list)

Surprises from the Heart

I have a friend who usually does not want anyone to give him conventional gifts. He thinks they are too commercial. He often gives handmade gifts and requests the same. For his birthday he asked for homemade gifts from the heart and got some great gifts. So, besides books, an ecologically built house, and styling gel, I would love homemade gifts or other gifts from your heart.

Most of the things I get complimented on were gifts from my gracious family. Their generosity is everywhere.

Merry (planning for) Christmas!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Want to create your own wishlist without all the copy and pasting? Here are some wishlist sites (untested by me.)

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Thank you to Catana, whose comment on a previous post reminded me of what I learned when I was around people whose stated values seemed very different than mine.

I remember when I lived in a small town where some people were prejudiced against other races, religions, and environmentalists, (which they used as a dirty word.) I used to argue with my friends about EVERYTHING. I thought they were lucky I would be their friend. Then I realized that I was lucky they would be my friend! I was the odd duck out and they still befriended me. I decided to pick my battle and let beef eating, hunting, environmentalism etc.. go and only speak up strongly to any kind of hate speech. I thought of this as a compromise, as a nod to the part of me who yearns to be accepted socially. Maybe if I was stronger and was willing to be alone, I could fight all of the battles.

Well, I’m glad that I yearn to be one of the people, because I am one of the people! (As idiotic as I think some people are sometimes.) I now live and associate with people who are more like me, and that is less stressful, but I learned a lot from those friends who were different. A, they were a lot of fun! We had fun in the mountains of a small town. They enjoyed life. Amazingly, even though their words could sometimes be prejudiced, I learned a lot about tolerance from them. I mean, they were friends with me, even when I was arguing all the time. They accepted people as they were. You could be eccentric, very eccentric, and still belong. My philosophy was more tolerant, but it could sometimes be as a “sounding gong” in practice, as I constantly, and I’m sure annoyingly, set people straight. Thankfully, through my self-imposed diplomacy, I was able to get close enough to really get to know those neat people. I developed a new philosophy of tolerance that I could use in practice, and when I use it, it serves me well.

My goal is to love people and be for people, instead of holding off and feeling like I have to fight against people. When I feel love for people, it’s like people just flock to me and I don’t have to do anything. But I still get afraid, especially if I think other people just don’t understand something and it is urgent that I tell them. I have seen a reappearance of my battle fighting self at school lately. In fact, just this morning I had a dream that I was at a long table and kept interrupting people to correct them. It was a compulsion. Everytime I did it,