Oh yeah! There are lots of kinds of beauty. I can be beautiful right now, as I am. My stomach is already beautiful. That shape that I’m admiring in the mirror IS alright. I needed to be reminded of that. This picture of Crystal Renn is from Curvy Style.

MORE REMINDERS at Judgment of Paris

Here are some quotes I wrote in my journal in 2001:

Cultivate peace at home. Home is that magic circle in which the weary spirit finds rest. It has an influence that binds us with a spell that neither time nor change can break. Peace at home breeds a successful and happy life.

- Tracey McBride in Frugal Luxuries

The next quote is a quote that I dreamed. I think I made it up. In my dream I knew the answer. The first answer was “cosine.” The second answer was: “It is those barred most strongly from the way who knock most loudly at the gate.”

…even the wrong turns and side roads have meaning and purpose, if only to teach us which way the path to oneself does not lie.

- Gabor Mate in Scattered

This is interesting. So far, the quotes all fit in with a journey. The wanderer starts out at home, then is barred from the way and knocks loudly at the gate, takes some wrong turns and side roads and thus learns something. Let’s see if the rest of the quotes go with this theme. That would be too cool.

We must not cease from exploration and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we began and to know the place for the first time.

-T.S. Elliot

Dig it! This kinds of brings the whole thing back around to home. These are the only quotes in this journal of many moons and this is the order they are in. Very cool. This last quote is also very appropriate for my current project of reading old journals. I’m exploring, hoping to arrive, and know myself more fully than I did before.

Day 6: Having driven to Yreka on day 5, we (I picked up my aunt) continue on our way up the I-5 from Northern CA, to Portland, OR

I love her examples of talking to people and helping them find a way to live that works well for who they are, finding ways right around any stuckness they might be feeling. I want to do that for myself. I can relate to a lot the descriptions of the 9 subtypes of scanners. In an effort to find my patterns, I wrote down everything I could remember being interested in and everything I remember liking to do during different times of my life.

Today I realized, hey, I have ALL my journals here! I have my old journals stored in a trunk and I brought my ten most recent journals with me on my travels so my subletor wouldn’t stumble across them. I have (about) 42 journals! Can you believe it? Maybe “42″ really is the answer to the ultimate question.

If you want to play along at home, this is what I’m doing as I go through my journals:

I focus on these things as I read:

1. Topics I was interested in
2. The essence of what I was looking for when researching my interests
3. What I was doing
4. What goals I had (What I thought I should be doing)
5. Fears about what I was doing with my life
6. Things that worked/how I functioned best
7. What was going on when I was happy

Having a focus is helpful because I don’t get bogged down in the potentially depressing and cringe worthy things I wrote.

I have a different piece of paper for each topic and write down anything that comes up for each topic.

Day 1: The Long Drive

Day 2: Meeting with friends in San Luis Obispo

Day 3: Freakishly beautiful drive, driving from San Jose to Santa Rosa on the 290

The Fringe Benefits of Failure, and the Importance of Imagination

Harvard University Commencement Address
J.K. Rowling

Part 1

Part 2

Quotes

Failure: “…rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.”

Imagination: “In its arguably most transformative and revelatory capacity, it is the power that enables us to empathise with humans whose experiences we have never shared.”

Wow, you rock the Casbah, J.K., (even though I’m not that into HP)

She says to ask yourself: “What would be the best thing for me?”

My plans for the summer are changing because my Granddad fell and broke his hip. My family will not be able to gather after all. My mom would like me to come help with my Granddad. I’ve been thinking about what I want to do. I read this and asked myself, “What would be the best thing for me?”

I’m so tired, I just want to lay on the grass in the sun, maybe at a park. Is that ok, world? Can I just lay on the grass? I’ll have some big dreams later today.

From Maggie Mason: “When I was single, I decided I wouldn’t marry a man unless I could be proud if we had a son who turned out exactly like him.”

What?! That’s sensible! That makes sense! Why have I been thinking about marrying anyone who doesn’t fit that criteria?? Whoooaaaa-man. Whoa, man.

Here’s the recap by the Much Love girls. Sometimes I just love these girls.

Who is DeAnna choosing? Who do you think she should choose??? I can’t wait for next week! Argg!

My story:
I went from a decade of overwhelming indecision to quickly deciding what I wanted to do and now having a career which I like and with which I can confidently support myself.

My recommendation:
I highly, highly, HIGHLY recommend reading the book What Color is Your Parachute and completing all the exercises. The author, Richard Nelson Bolles, says they take a weekend to complete. The exercises took me two weeks to complete. They are not about making an intuitive leap, they are step by step, small chunk exercises so I found them annoying, and I resisted doing them for years, but when I finally did them, they REALLY HELPED A LOT.

I finally had a picture of what I wanted. It looked like an impossible mix to find in the real world, but I still felt much calmer just knowing what I REALLY wanted.

AMAZINGLY, once I knew the characteristics of the job I really wanted, it took me about 3 weeks to find out what it was. Within three months, I took the GRE, went to grad school in another state, and every day in class, I thought, “I made the right choice. I love this. This is so me.”

More tips:
*Figure out what you want BEFORE you try and figure out what is possible. You might know you would like to do such and such but are wondering if you will be able to find work in that field, or if people will respect you etc… First, figure out what is really important to you, and what would perfectly suit YOU, THEN look into the practical issues. Once you know what you really want, you may find it.

*DO SOMETHING. Take a first imperfect step. I wish I would have heard this advice when I was younger. I spent my 20’s in UTTER indecisiveness and some crappy stop-gap jobs because I wasn’t sure what would be the PERFECT career. I wish I would have known that if I just picked SOMETHING, I could always change my mind later and that whatever I picked wouldn’t be wasted, it would be valuable experience that would help me move on to the next thing.

To sum up: Figure out, to the best of your ability, what is important to you and what you want to do (The exercises in The Parachute really help with this) then CHOOSE SOMETHING and get to it. It doesn’t matter if you have to move, or if it will take four years. You will feel much better taking positive action towards the future than being stuck in a crappy job. It also doesn’t matter if you decide on something new in the future. In fact, it is highly likely that you will do so! You will have more experience and more knowledge. CHOOSE. GO, do it NOW! ;)

-A note about advertising: I think advertising is another job that would fit well with my skill set, but it doesn’t fit with my values. For me, it is VERY important that I contribute something positive to the world. Of course, you could do probably do good in advertising, but it might be challenging to make sure you only worked for ethical companies, etc….