When we thought he was a girl I liked “Sarah” or “Blossom.”

He is sweet, likes to follow us around, right by our feet. He likes to cuddle. He has white feet. He has sort of a masquerade ball mask on.

To me, he looks like a character in a MidSummer’s Night’s Dream.

My roomie likes “Pistachio” or “Dirty Hairy”.

I like “Shadow” because he follows us around. I still “Blossom.” But nothing has just fit just right yet.

What do you think? Help us name our cat! Send us your suggestions!

PS: He also has cute little black tufts on the top of his ears.

Respectful of other people’s space, property, feelings, thoughts- appropriate boundaries

A willingness to work through problems and get over things

An ability to be light and playful and funny

A priority on relationships and family and friends, but mostly family, especially his girl

Knows himself, what he likes, what he doesn’t like. Is cool with that

Alpha male-ish - confident, comfortable with himself. Can get along socially in most situations. NOT trying to prove himself, comfortable just being who he is. Comfortable in his body. Comfortable with his thoughts and feelings. Does not have to go along with the crowd, but generally comfortable dealing with, hanging out with the crowd.

Wants a best friend for his partner and luvva and wife. Not into fantasies about some perfect ideal- wants a real woman. Wants to get to know me and what I think and what I feel.

Passionate. Loves kissing me and. Good kisser

Likes dancing with me. Willing to dance

Responsible- realize that he needs to work to create the life he wants- willing to do that. Has a plan. Wants to make sure he takes good care of his family. Gets that financial security is important and feeding the kids is important.

Also, wants to enjoy life and have a fun life. Willing to do what he needs to do to have that balance. Including not necessarily having the newest car, or the fanciest house. Takes responsibility for enjoying life and making the effort to do things he really enjoys.

Has made peace with the facts of life like age, death, change… that’s a big one to ask for… has relatively made peace with life. Is happy to be where he’s at in life. WANTS the things that come with the stage of life he is in. Is ready to enjoy where he’s at.

Really wants a family or at least is willing to have kids if I want them and when he has them, is in love with them and enjoys them. Kisses them, hugs them. Plays with them. Adores them. Is responsible. Takes care of their safety, like driving safely and noticing if they are sick.

Can do things, make things, figure things out like packing for a camping trip, or making dinner, or chopping wood for a fire. Is a can do, problem solver type of guy.

Is interested in things. Enjoys how interested in things I get. Enjoys my enthusiasms.

Is generous in his assessments of people, especially of me! It’s so nice to have someone interpret my actions generously.

Wants to get married and have a family- wants that in his life and knows why he wants that

Just generally knows what he wants.

Thinks I am hilarious.

We can have fun just shopping together, or hanging out at home, or cooking dinner together.

Occasionally does the wild romantic thing, although it doesn’t necessarily have to look romantic to others, but it is romantic to us.

He’s just a really, really decent guy, and he knows what he wants, and he’s willing to work to get what he wants, and one of the most important things he wants is to be with me.

—-
Ok, I want most of these qualities for myself too. I have some of them, but I’m still working on knowing exactly what I want (thus the list!), and as much as I want real love and a family, I AM afraid to commit. It’s scary to me! So, I need to work on this stuff, but this is the kind of guy I want, or someone who is close to it who is willing to be brave and is growing into this type of man. I’m being brave..
—-
Ummm.. if you know man like this WHO IS NOT TAKEN, (no funny business) please write to me.

I’m open to hearing about the best countries, best cities, best states, etc…

My criteria:

1. women in positions of power (in government, women owned business, pay equity…)
2. high health (low STD’s, low cancer rates)
3. good levels of education
4. child friendly
5. For me right now: good place to meet down to earth, smart, good, capable single men.

I was looking up this question online and came across several links:

1. Best Cities for women
2. Best City to Have a Baby
3. Best Heart Healthy Cities for Women

Quotes about good places to meet people from http://www.city-data.com:

Candygirl356 has these encouraging words:

I lived, and dated, and met my husband, in New York City. There is 9 million people there.
I also had friends who never met anyone they liked why is that? Maybe you should broaden your activities and circle of friends etc…… Try to “open” yourself up a bit.

I dated various types of men from various backrounds living again various lifestyles, which was the best suggestion I have, actually go out there and date, it can be really awkward, and cool too….maybe making a list of the top 3 things you really want in a mate.

I met my husband at 35 years of age after kissing alot of frogs…..

Esya says:

Go where YOU will be the happiest and you will ooze sex appeal.

Muse1110:

Good luck! No one should be lonely with all these people on the planet.

Here is a video bio of a health and exercise trainer named Alana Mann. In this video she talks about her journey towards her current theories about health. I love how she reveals the deeper values that are driving her career choices towards the end of the video. She says, “It’s my opinion that the world needs more strong and empowered women to really heal her.”

Click here to get to Alana’s website Origins of Energy.

Things I would love to know:

What are the underlying values driving your choices? Is it something you notice? Is it important to you that your choices match your deepest values? If so, how do you keep your values in mind while you make your everyday choices?

On the other hand, a huge BENEFIT of having more fat on my body than is deemed optimal by some people, is that it is easier to spot those people. I have great friends who just don’t care. Also, men are interested in me who just don’t care. I can earn enough money to care for myself, I’m loved, I get invited to lots of parties, I have fun.

So, as you can see, I am still of two minds about losing weight. My core motivation for getting healthier is to live longer so I can be with my family for as long as possible, and I also want to live a healthier life style so I will be thinner so I will have more status in society, but I have a competing motivation to thumb my nose at society for having such ridiculous and very harmful criteria for status.

BeaTricks who was commenter #4 on a post over at Feministe that asked why people are so angry at fat women expressed the thumbing my nose part of myself very well:

“…Having a rich and rewarding life while being fat is a form of opting-out. It’s a way of giving a giant middle finger to the establishment. It undermines men who enjoy the ego boost of a woman’s deference to patriarchal beauty standards. Also, it undermines women who devote a significant amount of time and effort in becoming/staying thin in order to meet the beauty standard since attaining it often comes with nifty privileges that fat women aren’t supposed to get.”

Bugger.

I have drifted into health so many times and thus my ideal weight (which is still considered plus size by the fashion industry) only to have my healthy lifestyle derailed when someone says something like, “oo, look at your waist, aren’t you getting thin!”

I know that people aren’t thinking of the deeper cultural significance of their statements when they comment on my body, but it infuriates me because it is such crap that thinness grants status in some people’s eyes. So, I sort of unconsciously drift back up in weight as a protest against that value.

I would like to just not care what society says and not have my weight, up or down, be in reaction to establishment values. BUT, I am a mammal and it’s normal for me to want enough status in my group to be treated with respect and to have access to resources. Bugger.

Can anyone relate? Do you have any tips about how I might be less reactionary to societal pressures? Wise things I might tell myself? Places I might move to? ;)

Here are my edited comments about Research on Female Preferences in Men over at, (yipes!) Feminist Critics:

My experiences:
Whenever I’ve heard a guy say, “Women say they want nice guys, but they don’t really.” or something like that, and the guy saying that is implying that he is nice, but women don’t like him, he never actually is nice. I’ve never heard an actual nice guy say that. I wonder what the men who say that think of as “nice.”

(Maybe they mean superficially polite, begrudgingly following the cultural rules and miffed that she still won’t sleep with him? I don’t know, this is pure conjecture.)

Personally, I do like manly men. (If we are defining “manly” as “probably having a lot of testosterone.”) I once heard a show about the effects of testosterone on mens voices: makes them kind of gruff and deep, and noted that my three favorite boyfriends had voices like that. All of my boyfriends have been athletic, but I don’t think they were all especially “manly.”  Two of my “manly” boyfriends were also popular and confident, which I liked. I don’t know if that has anything to do with testoterone…

So, although I do like manly men, I also like and have dated just regular men. Therefore, the differentiating factor for me is not “manliness.”  I look for niceness, (ie: grounded, at least somewhat emotionally intelligent, kind even to people who won’t benefit him), physical attraction (which I guess must be chemical and has been quite varied for me) and of course, shared humor, interests, values, etc..

What about YOU gentle reader? What do you like?

What would you do if you couldn’t fail? I feel like I should say practical things, like start my own business. But, come on! I can’t fail! I’m going for the big time.

These are the first things that came to mind:

Run and find some one to love right away!
Have some babies.
Definitely become the president after the kids have grown- and lots more stuff under the president/save the world/public policy heading.
Negotiate peace in the middle east… and everywhere else!
Have dinner parties and invite people I’ve always wanted to meet.

Your turn!

I need help thinking of a better caption for this picture. What would be a funnier caption than “I don’t get it…But I might like it.” ??? I’ll re-do the picture with the winning caption!