Current Thoughts about Mathew Shephard being killed in Laramie, WY

I’m playing several parts in an upcoming production of The Laramie Project. Its a play about the murder of Matthew Shepard in Laramie, WY.

Mathew was 21, he was gay, he was small. He was killed by Russell Henderson and Aaron McKinney, who were about the same age. They beat him brutally, tied him to a fence, and left him to die. The play is filled with interviews from all kinds of people in Laramie. Its hard to read this script over and over again.

This sort of crime is always somewhat of a mystery – even if you know the facts and get a quick conviction, like they did in this case. The mystery is: WHY did they do it?? HOW could this happen?

The facts of the case:

Mathew was at a bar. He left with Russel and Arron, who he didn’t know before that night. They gave him a ride. Aaron started beating him in the truck with his fists and with the butt of a pistol.

They took him to the outskirts of town, tied him to a fence, stole his shoes, and continued to beat him. Aaron asked Mathew if he could read the license plate on his truck. Mathew read the license, and Aaron delivered another, probably the fatal, blow to Mathew’s head.

Mathew’s skull was completely bashed in, he was unrecognizable, but he continued to live through the night. He was probably also conscious part of the time because he had blood all over his face except where he had been crying. He was found 18 hours later, rushed to the hospital and died several days later.*

Even knowing the facts, people have different questions and explanations:

1. Was it a robbery as Russell and Aaron claimed?
2. Did Mathew proposition them and cause them to panic, and that’s why they started to brutally beat him?
3. Would they have killed Mathew if he hadn’t been gay?
4. If so, should there be hate crime legislation to prevent more gay people from being attacked or killed?
5. Are Russell and Aaron monsters?
6. If they are monsters, who is responsible for them becoming like this?
7. What does this crime mean about us humans, for God’s sake?

Here are my thoughts so far, based on the text in the play and on news articles:

Was it a robbery as Russell and Aaron claimed? Yes, their plot to trick Mathew into getting into a car with them was initially partially motivated by robbery. Reasoning: they both used drugs and had robbed at least one time before to get money.  (I say “partially” because I also think Aaron was just looking for someone to hurt- reasoning for that later.)

Did Mathew proposition them and cause them to panic, and that’s why they started to brutally beat him? Aaron and Russell claimed that they told Mathew they were both gay and that’s how they got him to trust them when they offered him a ride. So, no, Mathew did not proposition two straight men. Two straight men propositioned him. Based on: testimony from the murderers and witnesses at the bar.

Would they have killed Mathew if he hadn’t been gay? This answer, which I’ll give you in a minute, is based on my analysis (sounds more official than “opinion”) of Aaron’s psychology. He had a predatory psychology.

I’m adding the below information about predatory psychology, not to scare you, but to plant the idea in your mind that you deserve to live and if someone tries to take your life from you, it is time to access your animal nature- let go of your civilized self, let go of your empathy for the attacker, and fight with everything you have.

From a website called Criminal Minds:

When dealing with predators, a particular type of criminal, people make a mistake in asking for mercy or appealing to a higher nature by “projecting their own values and beliefs onto twisted criminal minds.”

A predator commits appalling crimes, but always chooses easy targets and uses sly lures to his traps, then launches sneaky attacks. His criminal mind ensures his total domination by leaving little, if anything, to chance.

Sure, he may seethe with anger and even welcome token resistance to further his sadistic pleasure, but nevertheless he carefully avoids any real challenge to his total control over a defenseless victim. “They never go after weightlifters,” said former FBI agent and expert on the criminal minds of serial killers Robert Ressler. A truly brave man is too proud of his self-image and respected reputation to behave so cowardly by choosing easy targets.

Ultimately, the psychological profiles of predators are much like the pugnacious yet fainthearted schoolyard bullies but older, bolder, and with more treacherously evil criminal minds. And therein is the key to surviving a life-and-death confrontation with them.

You must prevent anyone from getting near you – or isolating you – in a secluded location (as described in Outdoor Safety – Overview). You must act to escape his trap by explosively attacking him (preferably before he attacks you – as described in When to Fight).

Far from a superman, he can be badly injured or even killed by your self-righteous fury and the fighting methods in Fighting Options – Overview. You must “go animal!” on him. Adopt a rabid pit bull attitude – imitating the most vicious dog you’ve ever seen – and become his worst nightmare by attacking him with a maniacal ferocity. When it’s time to “do-or-die,” you’d better do – your will to survive must surpass his will to kill you.

So, would they have killed Mathew if he hadn’t been gay? Yes… and no. Aaron was a predator.  Mathew was friendly and SMALL, and didn’t respond aggressively to Aaron’s attack. I doubt Mathew could fathom, as most of us can’t, someone really being as evil as Aaron was.  He begged Aaron for mercy. (Ahh man, it makes me sick to write that, and think about someone attacking him MORE in that moment, but, according to Aaron’s own testimony, that is what happened.)  So, yes, Aaron would have killed Mathew even if he hadn’t been gay.

But, then again, no. Yes, Aaron would have probably responded the same way to anyone who begged for mercy, but he may very well not even have chosen Mathew to attack if he hadn’t been gay. You see, vulnerability isn’t only in physical stature and behavior. It’s also in STATUS.

How highly valued is someone in your community? If you are a cowardly predator, you are going to go after someone with LOW status. You aren’t going to risk retribution.

Aaron went after people that he considered to have low status in his community. He had been known to say insulting things about homosexuality and people who were different races. After he brutally beat Mathew, the same night, he attacked a Hispanic man. He hit him in the head with his pistol- the man needed 21 stitches. The man hit Aaron back with a stick and Aaron ran away.

However, I don’t think that Aaron especially hated gay people or Hispanic people. I think, for whatever reason, he wanted to hurt someone, and he had reason to believe that homosexuals and Hispanics had a low status in his community.

That is why, even though only Russel and Aaron were punished, a crime like this rightly causes people in a community to question themselves and wonder how something like this could happen in their town.

So, should there be hate crime legislation to prevent more gay people from being attacked or killed? Yes. Even though evil people will do evil things, whatever the law, our community of humans CAN say, “This isn’t a low status person. This is a person we value. We want this person kept safe and if you hurt them, there WILL be retribution.”  An anti-hate crime law is one very important way of saying this, and of backing it up.

Other very clear ways of getting across the message that violence is unacceptable is by each of us developing internal limits about how we will treat people, and applying it to all humans. And letting people know that. Let people know, it is NOT alright with me for these people who may be different from us, whoever our “us” is, to be hurt or treated badly.

I used to be very contrary and argue about almost everything. I discovered that it was tedious to myself as well as to others and vowed to only boldly share my unasked for opinion if it was about hate speech. Even if you are a person who doesn’t ever argue, maybe you can make the same vow.

Are Russell and Aaron monsters? I worry about labeling other people as monsters because I think it allows us to excuse our own dark sides and avoid seeing the wicked deeds we could do. And helps us avoid seeing any complicity we may have had in wicked deeds that are done. (see previous paragraphs.)

But still… I guess Aaron fits the moniker “monster” if anyone does.

And what about Russell? From what I’ve read, he’s not a monster. I imagined his role in the crime from reading the play, and the news articles I read confirmed my hunch. (I’ll say more about that below.)

If they are monsters, who is responsible for them becoming like this? Try as I might, I don’t understand Aaron McKinney. Everyone else mentioned in the play, as vile or as virtuous as they might be, I can step into their shoes and have some empathy with them.  I can understand, at least a little, where they are coming from. I don’t understand Aaron, so I don’t know who or what is responsible for him being like that.**

What does this crime mean about us humans, for God’s sake? Russell wasn’t a monster, he was a coward. This is a person I think it is important to spend a little time understanding. As much as we may want to believe he was a monster, he is a person who many other people could be, and have been. This helps us answer the above question, (and I will wind my way around to it, never fear.)

Russell acted with Aaron in planning to kidnap and rob Mathew. He never hit Mathew. He tied him to the fence when Aaron told him to. Russell says that he tried to stop Aaron from continuing to hit Mathew and that Aaron then hit him and he no longer tried to intervene. I believe him. He also didn’t go back during the night and rescue Mathew or call an ambulance or the police later when he was away from Aaron. Russell pled guilty to all charges against him.

I know most of you reading this would never do what Russell did, but what would you do?

Its good, I think, to think a little while about the limits of our own bravery. Would you protest war if everyone around you said that made you unpatriotic? Would you speak out against hate speech? Against gays? Against women? Against different races? Against fat people? Would you refuse to participate in an industry that acted against your values even if it meant you would be poor and less secure? Would you intervene if you heard someone getting hurt? At least call the police? Would you admit your own dark side, the things you would do, and make sure to avoid situations in which you might harm other people?

Looking at your own shadow can be kind of a downer. But that is the only way to be good. I wish I could find the quote from Something Wicked This Way Comes that expresses that truth beautifully.

And now my answer about us humans.

I sometimes despair about us and our warring ways. But, its ok that we are like we are. Its ok that we want to belong to groups, and that we can be fierce. We grew out of living on this planet and we are here because our ancestors were tough. I mean, brutally tough. AND kind. I mean, gorgeously, wonderfully kind.

We span the spectrum, us humans. I don’t mean that we span the spectrum just in terms of the types of humans that there are, but I mean, internally, each of us spans the spectrum. We can be kind and loving and we can be cruel and brutal. Not that each of us will act brutally or kindly, but we have the potential to behave so many different ways.

So much of it is up to us.

Sadly, I know many people in my own family who have acted equally as cowardly and complicity as Russell in the face of abuse and brutality. Although not in such extreme situations. Its been a hard thing to hold in my mind that someone who is not totally evil can act evilly, but you can see it everyday. Its a truth especially highlighted in extreme situations like wars, where people do things they never would have imagined doing.

I think that NOT pushing someone like Russel away in our minds and thinking of him as a monster can help us to acknowledge our own cowardice and maybe inoculate us against it a little. Help us plan, (some cowardice is just in being taken by surprise,) and vow that we will do our best to be decent, even if its scary.

There are saints and monsters among us, but most of us are in the middle.

Perhaps we can’t totally change our natures. Those of us who yearn to be accepted may always yearn for that, but we can change the rules. We can change what behaviors are acceptable.

If you are a person who can not go against the crowd, you can change crowds! We can work with our imperfect selves! We can work with our own natures. Its OK if you can be fierce. Be fiercely against cruelty.

What we have to work with is enough. We, yes we imperfect humans, can create a beautiful, vibrant, functional world where there is no one who it is acceptable to harm.

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Read more

You can find a lot of articles about the murder of Mathew Shepard on the web. Here are two that I found especially insightful:

• The Trial that Wasn’t at Salon News
• Men Held in Beating Lived on the Fringe at The New York Times

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*I know that’s hard to read. Believe me. I play the police woman who found him and she goes into much more detail in her testimony. Every time I try to memorize that part, I have to stop reading- I feel so sick with the sadness and horror of it.

**I want to think that he had been abused, that he had some brain damage. What was really going on with Aaron, is there any way I could EVER act like that? That is really the heart of the matter when attempting to understand evil. Could I do that? If so, let me make all my shadowy places known to myself so that I can humbly make sure I act decently towards other humans.