The Singles Coach, Nina Atwood, says to know what you want before you go out dating. So, here it is:
What I want in a man
Must have:
He…
- wants to live his dream- has a dream and is going for it, even if it takes awhile
- likes spending time with his family (ie: me and our kids) it is one of the most important things to him and he does it
- is enjoyable to spend time with- is generally optimistic, tries to make the best of situations- not a complainer
- does fun activities- makes an effort and makes it a priority to do things he enjoys
- eats fairly healthy- cares about his health and cares for it, but isn’t obsessed
- is comfortable in his body
- can provide for himself and his family (maybe with help from me)
- wants kids or is willing to have kids and be an involved, loving father
- * is above the line MOST of the time
- is willing to do some fun things with me that I want to do that may be a little out of his comfort zone
- picks up after himself
- thinks I’m funny and likes and admires who I am
We…
- have chemistry together
- have fun together and can be playful together
- laugh together
- work well as a team together
I…
- like and admire who he is, love being around him, can be myself around him, am inspired to be my best self, and am proud to be with him
Preferences:
- doesn’t collect things (definitely doesn’t have it be a major part of his life)
- good dancer
- never married before and no kids
- 6 ft – 6’4″ tall
- good cook!
- takes me camping, and teaches me and the kids how to play sports
- likes animals
- handy around the house
* Above the line vs Below the line
(This list is from The Solution and it articulates very well what I have often tried to describe as “grounded”, “has it together”, “down to earth” or “emotionally mature”)
Above the line
- Emotional- angry, sad afraid, guilty, grateful, happy, secure, proud
- Mental- clarity of thought
- Time- present in the moment
- Relational- separate but close
- Spiritual- secure connection
- Behavioral- healthful
- Cravings- low and manageable
- Health- vibrant and resilient
Below the line
- Emotional- hostile, depressed, panicked, ashamed, chronic worry, numb, false high
- Mental- confused, forgetful, obsessive
- Time- living in the past, living in the future
- Relational- merged or disengaged
- Spiritual- lost, abandoned, obsessed
- Behavioral- unhealthful
- Cravings- high, seem unstoppable
- Health- sick and vulnerable
hmmm…be careful of a man or woman wanting to live their dream. A pizza late at date, indigestion, then bad dream; you’re left holding the bag…credit card debt, bills, and so on….
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Not sure how I came across your blog, but I’ve really enjoyed reading it. You sound like the type of person I’d like to share a bottle of wine with. Regarding what you want in a man, I have an old, long list of my own that looks almost EXACTLY the same (minus the above the line stuff, insightful as it is). And the man I ended up with lacks some of what was on it, but makes up for it with things I never knew I needed. Though I can’t help but still try and mold him into that list…
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Braidwood Reply:
September 19th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
“You sound like the type of person I’d like to share a bottle of wine with.”
Thanks, Rebecca! A true compliment.
I love that your man makes up for what didn’t match your list with things you didn’t even know you needed. Some of the things on my list are from boyfriends in the past that gave me something (like thinking that I’m funny) that I didn’t even know I would value so much.
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I thought it sounded like a great list; makes me think.
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hmm – how does my man add up -He 1 – 12) pretty close – I don’t know if he thinks I’m funny, but sometimes he thinks I’m cute ;-) 8) doesn’t want kids at this stage but is willing to be involved with family We & I – pretty close, Preferences – pretty close – He’s shorter, but a good height for me. Does a funny dance at home, not confident enough to take it to the public. He cooks often and well enough – sometimes his experiments don’t work out but hey. He’s not handy but he can afford to pay someone who is. And pretty much above the line.
I think you’ll “know” when you find the guy. I didn’t “know” at 1st sight – it kind of went from interest to possibility to infatuation to I want this man to he’s good – then I knew.
I married some men I didn’t “know” about but since I didn’t know the feeling of knowing I didn’t realize that I could get to a feeling of knowing.
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I liked Rebecca’s response – there is so much more that shows up in the 3 -dimensional man than the one on paper. When I was about 10 I daydreamed of my future husband being a college science teacher (no kidding) ~ that probably came from movies like the “Nutty Professor” – I thought if I had a husband who was excentric like that, maybe I’d be the only person who would love him and I wouldn’t have to worry about other women ( a fear instilled by childhood troubles at home ). Well, I grew out of that childhood daydream and was not out looking for a single college science teacher … but you know, I found one ;-)
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