I just got an email from my first boyfriend, who found me on facebook. He was one of those boyfriends who take about 10 years to get over. Good thing its been about 17 years now!
I’m happy to report that he and his wife and his children and his extended family are healthy and happy. AND he has a great job that he loves.
I mean, yeah, that sounds great, if you want to go that traditional route. If you’re into love, money, happiness and that sort of thing, sure, good for you.
Thank GOD he wasn’t writing to say he missed me or anything like that. That would have been so awkward. Then I would have had to tell him- hey, I haven’t dated in years, I’m not about to start now. I’m poor, jobless, sleep alone, and yearn for children I may never have and I like it that way!
I’m also glad he didn’t write to apologize for something he REALLY, REALLY (you would agree with me if you knew) needs to apologize for. That would be so Lifetime movie of him. What a drag that would have been.
Then I might have had to tell him that I still love him. And that even though he looks like his father and not the triathlete he once was, when I looked at his face in the picture, I could actually feel on my hand what that ridge on his forehead feels like. And that after he wrote me the first time a couple weeks ago, I dreamed a sad dream about him. And then I might have had to ask him, even though he just told me a couple paragraphs ago, if he misses me.
And theeeennnn it would be this horrible thing, like in my dream, where I had to decide between him and this other man who is not chasing me. And that would be such a hard decision: married man with kids who is perfectly happy in his own life who I really loved and had a great relationship with in some ways but who did something very bad and everyone if they knew would say of course I should never, never even talk to him again, OR an extremely immature man who has deep emotional problems who I did not have a good relationship with but who I had a lot of fun with and who I still love who is not pursuing me and even when he was it was not very satisfying. Who to choose? Who to choose?
After dating probably nearly a hundred men, these are the two men, (ok, plus one other who I only miss as a friend) who I miss.
What a draaaaggggggg. Thank goodness, that in this same week, one of them emailed me after 8 years of no contact, and the other one was at the store in my neighborhood to bring this all to my conscious attention. How fun! I mean, what on earth would I have blogged about today if not unfulfilled love and dreams that didn’t come to fruition? And lets not forget wasted years.
….
This post was brought to you by the letter:
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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ps: I feel much better now. :)
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i think a more honest comment from the ex-boyfriend would have been to say – living the gospel is working for us – not that of themselves they have found great happiness – marriage with children is a long haul sort of thing – A gospel centered marriage can give a lot of positive support, weekly encouragement, and add fun activities and social interaction – plus a hopefilled eternal perspective.
of course he still thinks about you – he looked you up – you are unforgettable – the beautiful sassy girl that got away.
sounds like that knight had plenty of chinks in his armor . .
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