Cynical Election Humor

Truly, I think that it is so awe­some that Barack Obama was elected, and among many other pos­i­tive things, I do think it shows that many of the peo­ple in the United States are not so racially prej­u­diced as some around the world might have thought.

I am prepar­ing to be very ide­al­is­tic, opti­mistic, and yet! prag­matic in the days and years to come. I want to lift peo­ple up and help them see and believe the best in them­selves and oth­ers, and take action together for the com­mon good. But, I thought this arti­cle from The Onion was sooo funny, prob­a­bly because it has a lit­tle bitty grain of truth in it, that I couldn’t help pass­ing it along. Hee hee.

Nation Finally Shitty Enough To Make Social Progress

Novem­ber 5, 2008 | Issue 44•45

WASHINGTON—After emerg­ing vic­to­ri­ous from one of the most piv­otal elec­tions in his­tory, president-elect Barack Obama will assume the role of com­man­der in chief on Jan. 20, shat­ter­ing a racial bar­rier the United States is, at long last, shitty enough to overcome.

Faced with los­ing every­thing, Amer­i­cans took a long over­due step for­ward and elected Barack Obama…

Today the Amer­i­can peo­ple have made their voices heard, and they have said, ‘Things are finally as ter­ri­ble as we’re will­ing to tol­er­ate,” said Obama, address­ing a crowd of unem­ployed, unin­sured, and debt-ridden sup­port­ers. “To elect a black man, in this coun­try, and at this time—these last eight years must have really bro­ken you.”

Added Obama, “It’s a great day for our nation.”

Car­ry­ing a major­ity of the pop­u­lar vote, Obama did espe­cially well among women and young vot­ers, who polls showed were par­tic­u­larly sen­si­tive to the cur­rent cli­mate of every­thing being fucked. Another con­tribut­ing fac­tor to Obama’s vic­tory, polit­i­cal experts said, may have been the grow­ing num­ber of Amer­i­cans who, faced with the com­plete col­lapse of their coun­try, were at last able to aban­don their pre­con­cep­tions and cast their vote for a pro­gres­sive African-American…

Today Amer­i­cans have grudg­ingly taken a giant leap for­ward,” Williams con­tin­ued. “And all it took was severe eco­nomic down­turn, a bloody and unjust war in Iraq, ter­ror­ist attacks on lower Man­hat­tan, nearly 2,000 deaths in New Orleans, and more than three cen­turies of fre­quently vio­lent racial turmoil.”

Said Williams, “The Amer­i­can peo­ple should be com­mended for their long-overdue courage.”…

If Obama learned one thing from his pre­de­ces­sors, it’s that tim­ing means every­thing,” said Dr. James Pung, a pro­fes­sor of polit­i­cal sci­ence at Prince­ton Uni­ver­sity. “Less than a decade ago, Al Gore made the cru­cial mis­take of sug­gest­ing we should care about pre­serv­ing the envi­ron­ment before it became unavoid­ably clear that global warm­ing would kill us all, and in 2004, John Kerry cost him­self the pres­i­dency by crit­i­ciz­ing Bush’s dis­as­trous Iraq pol­icy before every­one real­ized our inva­sion had become a com­plete and total quagmire.”…

As we enter a new era of equal­ity for all peo­ple, the elec­tion of Barack Obama will decid­edly be a mile­stone in U.S. his­tory, unde­ni­able proof that Amer­i­cans, when pushed to the very brink, are will­ing to look past out­ward appear­ances and judge a per­son by the qual­ity of his char­ac­ter and strength of his record. So as long as that per­son is not a woman.

Ha ha ha ah ha ha! Ahh­h­hhh.…
You can read this entire HILARIOUS arti­cle over at The Onion.

Happy Fri­day!


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