It’s my friend Adam’s birthday today (well, technically just past as it’s now past midnight.) I always forget and think his birthday is in March. He was due before me. Our mom’s were in a childbirth class together and the story goes that his overdue mom came to visit my mom and Adam met me through her belly and decided he wanted to come out too.
So, from conception he was older, but from birth I was. We were born in California and then both our families moved to Utah when we were toddlers. Our families visited each other every now and then, and I have many memories of Star Wars based play. He got all the cool toys. We even had the same baby dolls.
Adam died when we were 29. Wow. When I was planning this post in my head I was planning to say that I was over the grief of it now, which I think I mostly am, but writing that still makes me cry.
It’s funny. I didn’t remember it was his birthday until my mom mentioned it, but I did remember him last night and I think it was after midnight. I was reading about Mimi Smartypant’s mini smartypants who was playing Star Wars based play with her boy pal.
Oh, Adam. Oh Adam’s parents. I was pretty much sick with grief when he died. I did have a nice dream in the weeks after that comforted me and the last moment of it is an image I see when I think of him. Here’s how I remember it now:
I’m in a big building that looks something like a conference building. One side of the building is glass. People are walking around. It’s like a prison because we can’t get out. Someone may have announced that we can’t get out. It’s not a horrible place to be. It’s just that we have to stay there.
I’m following a man. He’s walking in front of me, somewhat purposefully. He walks along the walkway in the building by the glass wall and then suddenly, he opens a door and just walks out! I’m astonished. I can’t follow him anymore, and I’m sad he’s leaving us, but I’m glad for him that he made it outside. I watch him go, through the glass. He keeps walking, never turning back, over the broad expanse of the earth, towards the sunset.
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Thank you for this. This is a great image to hold; a great feeling to hold. And so beautifully written.
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That’s beautiful. Thank you for letting us have a glimpse of it.
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Oh, thank you both for reading that. I was just about to get into bed last night when I thought of writing about Adam. It means a lot of me that you read it because I like to bring his memory out for people every now and then. He was here. So, thank you.
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