Theme in Yellow
With yellow balls in autumn.
I light the prairie cornfields
Orange and tawny gold clusters
And I am called pumpkins.
On the last of October
When dusk is fallen
Children join hands
And circle round me
Singing ghost songs
And love to the harvest moon;
I am a jack-o’-lantern
With terrible teeth
And the children know I am fooling.
- Carl Sandburg
![bramble [?bræmb?l] vb: to gather blackberries](http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4130/5188027180_020342531a_m.jpg)
I searched for this poem for years! I found it today (Nov 21, 2010) at Poem Hunters.
Happy October 2011, from your 2010 November self!
* 
photo credit: jenny downing
October 21, 2011 Leave a comment
I knew it!
Porn makes men less sexy. I have known this for years. And besides the moral issues I have with porn, I have noticed that men who watch porn may TALK about sex more, but they don’t seem to be as inhabited in their bodies as other men. They seem less sensual. Their reactions to women are different than other men. In other words, when I’m dating someone I can tell! (If they regularly watch porn.) And I won’t continue to date them. I thing it shifts their attitudes to disrespecting women and on a visceral level, IT’S NOT SEXY.
And now research bears out what I already knew intuitively. I love being proved right.
Check out the article at Psychology Today:
Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow
Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunction Is a Growing Problem
by Marnia Robinson & Gary Wilson
October 20, 2011 2 Comments
ADD and Friendship
Creative Commons License photo credit: joebeone
I visited an online ADD support group tonight. People wrote about their troubles having ADD and finding friends. I’ve been so blessed with such nice people in my life who have befriended me, but I’ve really let down my end of the deal and I don’t have as many friends as I’d like, and I’m not as close to the friends I do have as I’d like.
My friendship issues:
1. I think after having been disapproved of for my ADD talkativeness and over-touchiness, I’ve gone to the other extreme and am too rigid until I feel really safe with people. So, basically, I am stand-offish and push people away. This is the biggest issue for me and I’m not sure how to get over my fear of being myself and being rejected. I bought a hypnosis tape about the topic and find it soothing. I think it will help. I would also really love to meet with other ADD people who could understand me and not judge me when I’m really being ADDish.
The best group I’ve found for this is people who perform comedy improv. They are smart, they like me, and they note my flakiness, but still wholeheartedly accept me. Thank you, God, for comedy improv.
2. I read an article that said couples who are agreeable, conscientious, and emotionally stable are happiest. In the past, I have been disagreeable, flaky, and emotionally unstable! So, that part of my issue with friendship is not a mystery.
I’ve had many people want to be friends with me, but I’ve had a hard time keeping it going unless they are very persistent. I’m much more emotionally stable than I used to be, so what I’m working on is being more pleasant to be around (rather than disagreeable), and most of all, I’m working on being more conscientious.
I forget to call or write people back– sometimes for months! I forget to say thank you. I’ve borrowed money I haven’t paid back yet. I’m often late. I can understand how all these things could be annoying and lead to less friends. So, remembering to do all those things I need to do to be a good friend and then doing them is a big challenge for me, and I want to do much better at this.
Creative Commons License photo credit: MattHurst
Whether people like it or not, I’m going to continue to:
Be wildly enthusiastic.
Be opinionated -(BUT in a PLEASANT way.)
Be goofy and silly.
Be smart, and talk quickly sometimes.
Do adventurous activities.
Dance and hope everyone is watching. :)
Dress how I like to dress.
I’m hoping to start to:
Let myself be touchy and affectionate.
I know there are some very legitimate reasons that people might get annoyed with me. So. I am making a major effort to be more conscientious, pleasant, and continue to be emotionally stable.
AND I really want to let myself be myself in all the ways that I like but that some people might not approve of. So, I want to let my freak flag fly again and be myself so people who could like my type of person can see me.
Writing all of that makes me feel very grateful for the friends I DO have.
October 20, 2011 2 Comments
I hate to say it but these last few years have been hell
But PATIENCE pays off FINALLY!
The Tallest Building in Hell by Jared Mees and the Grown Children.
This has to be my theme song for the year.
“You still laugh in your sleep…”
Last time my mom was here, she said I was laughing in my sleep. I think that’s a good sign.
Lyrics
I hate to say it, but these last few years have been hell
But patience pays off finally
I hate to say it, but these last few years have been bell
But patience pays off finally
I’ve been told that the tallest building in hell has an awesome view of the emerald city
I’ve been told that the tallest building in hell has an awesome view of the emerald city
And it’s hard to believe when you’re up so late at night
And it’s hard to believe when you do nothing wrong
And it’s hard to believe when you’re so comfortable
Moving so fast, breathing so slow
I hate to say it, but these last few years have been hell
But patience pays off finally
At the end of the longest book ever wrote
It said “Ho hum, ho hum, oh me.”
You still laugh in your sleep
I take that seriously
You still laugh in your sleep
I take that seriously
You still laugh in your sleep
I take that seriously
You still laugh in your sleep
I take that seriously
You still laugh in your sleep
You still laugh in your sleep
I hate to say it, but these last few years have been hell
But patience pays off finally
Patience pays off finally
Patience pays off finally
Patience pays off finally
October 15, 2011 Leave a comment
Where do I put this tumblog code?
Very frustrating, but very exciting. I might have a tumblr like blog soon.
October 8, 2011 Leave a comment
Things I have cried about today…
The hugeness of the universe…
The inevitability of death…
Missing my cat…
The beauty of this video…
Then, just a few minutes ago, the sheriff came to my door with a bench warrant for ME! Turns out I failed to show up to jury duty. Seeing a sheriff at my door was really startling. And embarrassing as I am wearing a red nightgown with a giant, fluffy puppy on the front of it. (Hey, its raining outside and its my day off!) To top things off, I am having a teary day, (obviously) so, just as he started to leave, I started crying! I knew I wasn’t going to be able to stop myself from crying and I was thinking, “go, go, go already… oh shoot, here come the tears.”
Then I tried to explain that the jury duty was two days before my Granddad’s memorial, and so jury duty just totally slipped my mind, and then I really started crying.
And then I called my mom and I calmed down.
And then I started crying again.
I was just going through my papers last night and found the jury summons! I thought, “Oh, I’ll call them and let them know it just slipped my mind.” I guess I can cross that “to do” item off my list. I’m going to bring my Granddad’s memorial program and hopefully whoever is deciding the case will have some sympathy for me and be kind. I’m pretty sure I’m going to cry.
Things that make me stop crying
Getting something done.
Drinking some tea.
Listening to an enlivening talk like this. Ok, it made me cry a little, but it also made me cheer. YES! Thank you! Its a call to action.
I listened to this before the Sheriff came, and I still started crying, but I’m going to get back to sorting papers and listen again! Goll Darn it!
Things that make me smile
Oh! I’ma keep my head up high! Keep on reachin High! Never gonna quit! I’ll keep gettin stronger!
April 18, 2011 2 Comments